Kids at wedding

You are not being unreasonable at all. TONS of weddings are adults only. Parents go out to parties, dinners, events, etc. ALL the time and don’t think twice about leaving their children home with a sitter. Your wedding should certainly not be any different. I think some people have begun to think of weddings as family reunions, instead of formal events that are about the couple. I think it is very gracious of you to offer the option of an on-site sitter, but certainly not required. I mean, all these parents go to work every day and don’t expect their employers to provide daycare for them 🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree with the poster above. It's not unreasonable at all, and you're being very gracious by offering a sitter for them.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask people to not bring children, but do any of these families have children on both sides of the 13+ rule. It might be harder to say no if someone has one kid that’s 12 and one that’s 13. I wouldn’t offer childcare. I don’t know anyone who would utilize a sitter they didn’t vet themselves.

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I agree with this. If you want no children, make the cut off 18 which is easier. You may have a guest with a very mature 10 yr old and a 15 yr old hellion.

While the idea good, many parents do not feel comfortable usung childcare that is not their regular service, while others don't mind as long as they are certified. Ask some parents if they would use the service if you provided it before spending your money.

View Quoted Comment This is a very good point about the age of children. I guess all of the adult only weddings I have been do you have always been 18+ or 21+

I one hundred percent agree with you!
This is my personal experience from attending weddings with children....

-they do not care about the ceremony and have no problems talking screaming or being disruptive during it.
-They hog the dance floor
-they try to touch the cake
-they get annoying and think it’s funny when they ding the one glass with their spoon so the bride and groom kiss. But they don’t get that you can’t do it for four hours straight and the parents think it’s “soooo cute!”
- they run around and then get hurt and then scream.
-i’ve also found that the people who demand to bring their children are usually the same exact people that let their children be disruptive at the wedding.
-kids do not want to be at a wedding Period. It’s very boring for them.
If I were you I would not budge with the new kids rule. I would stand your ground. It’s only going to make your wedding day the best day you’ve ever had.

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That's a great point. Maybe we will make the adjustment to 18+. My main issue was little kids. I feel like my "kids" older cousins who would attend that are over 13 wouldn't need direct parent supervision during the reception. I just didn't want my friends with younger kids to have to leave early or not fully enjoy themselves because they would be caring for their child all night. But you're right adults only should be at least 18+.

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YES! Thank you! This was exactly my reason for having a kid free wedding. And honestly even if I invited teenagers, they would be glued to their phones the whole time, so what's the point!

Definitely stand your ground! You made a decision that is very common for weddings and not unreasonable. If you start bending the rules now, you risk upsetting anyone who complied with the original ask and made other plans for their kids (paying for a kid-free night only to deal with other people’s kids would not be fun!)
If it helps, think back to the weddings of these now-parents and if all of them allowed kids at their weddings 🧐

We didn’t have kids at our wedding it was so nice! We’ve been guests at weddings with or without children and honestly kids are loud and unruly in that type of environment. I’ve been to 10 weddings as a guest and have worked hundreds of weddings it’s always the same. Kids are a nuisance.

Omg I sent out invitations last week and I honestly think none of FH cousins are gonna attend the wedding bc of this rule lmaooo. It sucks but this is one rule I am 10000% sure about, like I'm making no exceptions. Partly bc we'd have to pay for their kids and our venue is expensive and partly bc we're limited to 85 people due to covid and I'd rather have adults. Also all weddings I've been to have been no kid weddings and I honestly thought it was the norm. Mind you I LOVE kids but I believe they don't belong at weddings.

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Wow agree with EVERYTHING ! lol

Yes! When it comes to these things, your wedding your way (to an extent). 18+ is easier to stick to. Anyone over that age should technically get their own invite anyways.

When they ask or whine, just say "We understand if not being able to bring your kids means you won't make it, we'll miss you at the wedding!" and leave it at that. They'll catch on pretty quick that you mean business.

View Quoted Comment Lol Yes! This all day

Ugh, I feel you on this post. We just kind of went through this. You are not being unreasonable, because kids don't need to be at a wedding! It's boring for them! We decided against all kids because we have 3 nephews who are in the terrible 2s stage and will be during our wedding and I just didn't want to deal with it. I find that people generally think everything their kids do is cute that you might not. My FH's sister said her son would be "in such a cute age" when our wedding came around and literally right after she said it, he shrieked as loud as he could. And I was like 2 is a cute age? 2 is not generally considered a cute age to me...anyways. Family always seems to be kind of pushy on the kids front when it comes to family. Don't give them an option to talk about it anymore. Simply say, "we've made our decision, we will not be having children at our wedding and won't be discussing it further." Usually that gets the point across.

I appreciate everyone's responses! It's so nice to have people to vent to!

We are dealing with the same thing! my FH and I both have family members that would be offended if we don't invite their children. Really, it's the young children I'm concerned with, for all the reasons other people said! I think we've landed on having no kids under 12. We also know all the younger people in the family, and there aren't any disrespectful teens or anything (PHEW) really we are just keeping out crying aged kids and kids who definitely couldn't stay up late haha (we wouldn't want the parents to leave early just because a 7 year old couldn't stay awake!) BUT I am a preschool teacher, so we are going to let each of our friends with kids know that if they need help finding someone to watch their kids that I will provide incredible and certified ECE teachers to watch the kids in a hotel attached to the venue.

We’re no kids too (besides our flower girl and ring bearer) and sticking to it! Our guest list without children was higher than we wanted, at the max of our budget, and is still 35 people too many for current COVID restrictions. My fiancée has a lot of first cousins that have 2-4 children, and almost all of my close friends have children. It would have added at least 50 people to our guest list. If people give you grief for it, I would just tell them that there was no way you could invite all of the people you love to your wedding and also allow them all to bring children.

We are having a no one under 18 wedding. We had some people give us issues about it, but we stuck with our plans and told people that if it's an issue they will have to stay home then. I've been to, to many wedding with kids to know just how horrible some kids can be. Not saying all but some are. Plus like my mom said back in the day you never needed to tell parents their kids weren't invited to the wedding, it was just a given that a wedding was no place for children.

View Quoted Comment I was curious about that – whether kids at weddings was a popular thing generations ago, or if parents assuming children are invited is a newer thing. Looking at old photos from my mom and aunts’ weddings, there don’t seem to be any children present other than the flower girl and ring bearer. But, when I think about it, having children before marriage was much less common back then. So maybe that factors in? Either way, I completely agree that (some) weddings are no place for children. Especially if it is a formal affair or if the couple is going for a “party vibe”, or if it is held at a venue that could potentially be unsafe for children. We are definitely having an adult only wedding. Ours will be 21+ so everyone can drink and have a great time, and the bartenders don’t have to worry about carding people and the venue doesn’t need to worry about the possibility of minors being illegally served or given alcohol in their establishment.