Kids at a wedding

You’re not having any ringbearers right? Just asking because kids that are directly in the wedding are obvious exceptions to a no kids rule. However if you’re not having any children in your wedding at all then just stick to your ground because obviously including some kids and not others of guests is not OK

Your future mother-in-law does not need to bend. The decisions of your wedding are not up to her. Adding everybody’s children to your guest list would substantially raise the number of guests and the cost of the wedding. And you cannot invite one child without potentially insulting everybody else who has children who were not allowed to attend. I would firmly state that no children are invited, and the subject is no longer open to conversation.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. Stand your ground. You don't need to upset your other guests by making exceptions for one person.

Continue not to bend. No is a complete sentence. If she brings it up again, change the subject.

It's your wedding, hold your ground. Don't give in.

View Quoted Comment We haven’t decided on ring bearers yet. The venue is over an hour away from my future sister in laws house, so I don’t think it would be very feasible to have my fiancé’s nephew just for part of the ceremony

We had a kid free wedding so adults should enjoy themselves. Some people exclude family from this. We didnt. We made it clear across everyone attending

Is your future MIL going to be keeping an eye on the child all night? If not, it’s not your job to be responsible, especially since you clearly don’t want children at the wedding. We only invited our nieces and nephews (since we never see them) but we asked our friends to leave their children at home and they were more than okay with that. I hope it works out in your favor!

I disagree. Inviting the children of immediate family and no one else's kid is totally acceptable and done all the time. You are allowed to invite your nephew and no one else's child. That isn't rude. Now, do you want to? It sounds like no. But just say that you don't want kids there because of you. It sounds rude and patronizing when brides tell parents "we want you to enjoy the wedding without worrying about your kid." It's not your place to decide that adults would enjoy your wedding more without their child and actually comes across like "I don't want anything to distract your attention from me." So don't say that. Your reason for not wanting kids? You just don't want them. Done.

View Quoted Comment I think inviting one child and not any others is a slippery slope. Just inviting the nephew and no other children could definitely ruffle a lot of feathers and certainly could be considered rude. Why just that brothers child? What about other siblings children? What about cousins children? What about their best friends’ children? Where do you draw the line? How does this not come off as picking and choosing whose kids are more important or deemed “more worthy” to attend? if I’ve learned one thing, it is that parents are very easily offended when it comes to their children and feeling like someone is judging them. I know 100% sure if I only invited my FH’s sister’s children, but told everybody else that their children were not invited, there would be some serious backlash when all the other parents arrived to the wedding and realized other peoples children got to come and there’s didn’t. I also disagree with it sounding like the bride is saying she doesn’t want children there because she wants all the attention. Let’s face it, when parents are out with children, they are not in fun party mode. That situation also affects the grandparents, who oftentimes gets stuck watching the kids at the reception. I totally get where she’s coming from – leaving the kids at home allows everyone to let loose, have fun, and enjoy the evening, without having to worry about running after children.

It’s not your mother in law’s wedding. “No,” is a complete sentence.

I fully agree with PPs. Kids at a wedding is something for the couple and solely the couple to decide, including whether you have children present at all, and if so, whether it’ll be just the bridal party, everyone generally etc.
FH needs to reign his mother in and stand firm that you will not be having kids at the wedding, period.

View Quoted Comment Umm can I just say your name is ah-mazing?!

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Hahaha why thank you! big GOT fan and FH's name is Winter so it was meant to be!

View Quoted Comment Love it!!!

We’re doing a kids free wedding! the only kid that will be attending is the flower girl (FH’s niece) but we’re second guessing because she’ll be the only kid and we don’t want her to be bored. i agree with the thought of wanting people to enjoy themselves without feeling like they have to babysit! it’s YOUR wedding you can say you appreciate her opinion but this is what you’d like to do for your wedding.

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I honestly don't know a single person who doesn't understand family only with kids. Of course if you allow one sibling to bring his kids, all siblings should be allowed to do the same. But if you draw the line at only nieces and nephews as the only children, only a jerk would get mad about that. Plenty of people invite family only kids and it does not ruffle feathers.

I also disagree that leaving the kids at home allows everyone to let loose and enjoy the evening. That isn't true for everyone and I wouldn't assume it was true for my guests. Some parents would honest to goodness rather be with their kids than worrying about them while at a wedding. I think it's rude to presume to know what your guests would enjoy more. There is no reason to not have a kid-free wedding just because you want one. No need to take an extra step and tell your guests you assume they'd rather it be that way too.

Are your in-laws paying for any of the wedding? If not, just keep saying no. If they are, be prepared for them to say “well, we won’t pay for *whatever they were going to pay for* unless nephew is invited.” In which case, budget to do without their money and keep saying no.

View Quoted Comment Yes they did offer us money for the wedding
We don’t need for the wedding because my parents are paying but it would help shave at least 10 years off his college student loans
I’m hoping they won’t rescind their offer but we might have to face that sadly

View Quoted Comment I respect your opinion, but it’s not even just an issue of kids, we can’t even allow entire generations (ie cousins “kids” in their 20s)
We are already at 206 with venue max of 215 with these restrictions in place