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Beginner July 2022

Kids as groomsmen dilemma

Aleisha, on June 14, 2021 at 7:16 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15

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My fiancé just secured our location and date. We were discussing wedding parties and who to have. As this is both of ourselves second marriage-though first wedding for the groom-we don’t want a super huge wedding party. My fiancé wants only his two boys aged 9 and 7 up there with him. But wants to invite his brother and BILs to party before hand.

My issue is I would at least my sisters up there, and think he needs at least one adult to be there, his brother or father.
I also have a 13 year old son, who I’m going to have walk me down the aisle- and a 5 year old daughter from my first marriage. My daughter is going to be the flower girl along with her 1 year old sister-who is mine and my fiancé.. But how do we make this work? Is it weird to have only kids as groomsmen. Any ideas on how to have one side of adults and one side as kids. He doesn’t see the point in groomsmen.

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Aleisha, on June 15, 2021 at 12:36 PM

Devoted June 2021
Emily · on June 14, 2021 at 7:22 PM
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My husband and I are having a mix- his two children who are 6 and 8 will be a bridesmaid and groomsmen, along with two other adults on each side. I think the mix works for us, but you certainly could have all three sons as groomsmen and then adult women as bridesmaids.. whatever works best for you two! The most important part is to have the people you want next to you up there with you- regardless of their age.
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Beginner July 2022
Aleisha · on June 14, 2021 at 7:24 PM
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Thanks! I think I’m struggling because he doesn’t want my son up there and thinks me having my sisters is odd if he only has his sons.
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Devoted April 2022
Christy · on June 14, 2021 at 7:28 PM
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I think it only matters if it’s a real problem for you. My daughters (9 & 13) will be bridesmaids. I do have 2 adults on my side, but that’s because I wanted them there, not because I felt obligated. FH has no children on his side. Imo there’s nothing weird about it. It would be weird for him to choose groomsmen that he didn’t really feel close enough to to honor with that position.
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Devoted June 2021
Emily · on June 14, 2021 at 7:31 PM
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Hmmm I don’t agree. I think you should definitely have your sisters up there. Why doesn’t he want to include your son as a groomsman? I don’t need the entire story, but that would be weird to me. You are uniting both of your families into one, and your kids are now his and vice versa.
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Beginner July 2022
Aleisha · on June 14, 2021 at 7:47 PM
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That’s a great point, I hadn’t thought of it that way.
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Beginner July 2022
Aleisha · on June 14, 2021 at 7:49 PM
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I think he just hasn’t thought it through yet. We just got engaged and planning a July of 2022 wedding. So he believes there is plenty of time
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on June 14, 2021 at 8:11 PM
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I think it works best if each person chooses their own attendants. And each person's attendants do not have to match/mirror the other side in number, age, or sex. If he doesn't want your son on his side, then you can have your son stand on your side.
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Super July 2020
Cool · on June 15, 2021 at 8:33 AM
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Why doesn’t he want your son up there too?
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Beginner July 2022
Aleisha · on June 15, 2021 at 8:36 AM
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I’ll also say I have no issue with his sons being in it. But he doesn’t want his brothers or bils as groomsmen but wants them to come and hang out- in the groomsmen's room for hours before the wedding to party with him and help get the boys and him together.
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Super July 2020
Cool · on June 15, 2021 at 8:38 AM
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But why is he not open to also having your son stand with his?
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Beginner July 2022
Aleisha · on June 15, 2021 at 8:39 AM
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We talked about this last night and actually made some progress, he said he has thought about asking him he just hadn’t figured all the logistics of asking yet. And considering we have over a year, doesn’t feel the need to rush in asking anyone yet. I’m just super anxious and organized already, he is excited but not as detail oriented right away. We will get there.
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Super May 2019
KYLIE · on June 15, 2021 at 8:48 AM
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What are the logistics of asking a 13 year old to stand up there with his sons after he walks you down the aisle? This is super bizarre to me. It sounds like he’s stalling, tbh. I’d be super hurt my son’s soon to be step father wouldn’t want to include him in the same way as “his own” sons.
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Beginner July 2022
Aleisha · on June 15, 2021 at 8:59 AM
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I am hurt, which is hard to admit. Because if he wants his kids up there then I want all of them involved and not just one or two. I think it’s important that they all feel included and apart of things. My thought is to have my oldest walk me down and then join his boys. I think that would be really nice.

I’m sure we will have a lot of talking and figuring things out over the next while. We will get there.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on June 15, 2021 at 12:27 PM
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You may need adult witnesses to sign your license at your ceremony, so you can tell your partner, your two sisters have a purpose for being up front. Also, could your son stand on your side? There are no hard rules for single gender or matching number wedding parties anymore.
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Beginner July 2022
Aleisha · on June 15, 2021 at 12:36 PM
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Yes we are discussing everything, I mentioned the idea(s) to him. He wants my son involved and we have the idea of having him on my side as well. With 13 months to go, it will all work out.
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