Kid dilemma

Can you just have her as a flower girl? She doesn't need to really do anything but hold some flowers, so wouldn't have any planning drama.

But also....I am totally find with having just one kid as an exception. I know it's not the done thing, but everyone *but* your aunt will be glad you don't have four kids that can't keep from fighting at the reception.

Most people have common sense - if I had four kids that causes a ruckus at every event, I wouldn't DREAM of bringing them to a wedding. I have friends with high spirited kids and knew they would be disruptive at events that required lots of patience, and waited till their kids learned how to behave in those situations. Kids mature at different levels and most parents get that - one friend's kids could sit though an hour long mass as toddlers, another of my friends kids were so loud and squirmy she got a babysitter so she could go to church and relax once a week. Both sets of kids are grown and can attend weddings as adults now LOL

You could have her do a reading during the ceremony or pass out programs.

Can you have her be your something blue?


I don’t think you need to justify your choices to anyone. The aunt should realize that your wedding is not an outing for her and her grandchildren. She will get over it.

12 is very different than under 10! She’s not a little kid, or child in remotely the same sense.
If it’s just the one aunt then I would just ignore her and reiterate ‘no kids’ every time to her. Your wedding, your guests!
As for your niece, she’s probably capable of doing a reading, as well as flowers or ring bearing. Can she be an altar server? I did that for my aunt. Can she play an instrument or sing a song? Or maybe just help you with your train or holding your flowers but not standing with you the whole time.

If she’s comfortable in front of people, I’d ask her if she’d do a reading- maybe a small poem or something. Also, for what it’s worth some people are just grumpy about everything. My ex-husband’s grandmother got so mad that we weren’t inviting some of his first cousins (huge age gap meant some of his cousins were under 10 at the time) and even threatened to bring them anyway even though their parents were 100% on board with them not being invited. We stood our ground and they didn’t come- his grandma did leave early though.

If you're fine with it, your FH is fine with it, and their parents are fine with it, just let the aunt be pissed. You can't make everyone happy, and you don't need to defend or explain your guest list to anyone else. One other option is for the cousin to tell the aunt they just want a adult night out for themselves, without the children.

I don’t think it needs any justifying. First, 12 is a lot different than under 10. Also - the kids parents don’t care (probably excited for a night off). His aunt is being an a hole for now reason and lots of people are like this. There was just a similar thread actually. I would not mention anything about it to her or anyone for that matter, your guest list is only you and FH business. If she has the audacity to make a big deal of it on the day or after she’s the only one who looks bad.

I like Stacey's idea of asking FH's cousin to tell his mom that they don't even want to bring the kids and have an adults-only night. Otherwise, I also like the reader or flower girl ideas - I don't think it would be odd to have a flower girl but not a wedding party, since they don't stand with the couple or anything during the ceremony.

My husband and I did the same thing. The only kids allowed at our wedding are our 2 kids & my niece/nephew. We didn't have any problems though we simply said that it is an adult only wedding and the only kids in attendance will be the ones in our bridal party.

Thanks for the ideas AND boost of confidence! You ladies rock!

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I'd just say f it to the aunt and let her be the miserable person she seems to be. You would probably never please that one anyway.

Did you tell people it was a child-free wedding?

If so, I have no advice, because your wedding is not a child-free wedding and therefore Aunt would be right to be offended. A 12 year old is still a child. A niece you are close to is still a child. A flower girl or ceremony reader is still a child. Child-free should mean child-free without exception.

If, however, you did not say it was a "child-free" wedding and were simply upfront about the fact that these particular children are not invited, then Auntie can just sit with her panties in a wrinkle. Or perhaps she should decline attending and babysit her grandkids, since their presence is so important to her, and their parents would surely love to not have to pay for a babysitter. If you did not explicitly say it was a "child-free" wedding, meaning that age specifically excludes certain guests, then the children are like any other person in your lives that may or may not be invited, and in this case, they did not make the cut.

I say F it! You don't need to give anyone any explanations for your actions - it's YOUR wedding! IF the aunt gets mad, then oh well! It's not even her kids!! You do you girl!! You don't even have to find a job for your niece if you don't want to - less stress too!

Remember, you can't make everyone happy!

To me, this is circles. We included our niece, because she is our own niece ! She’s the only one in that circle: we included our own siblings children, and that’s it for children. We did not include our cousin’s children. That a whole nother circle, and for us one that is both huge and distant. There’s a distinct line. …that doesn’t mean your aunt won’t be annoyed and annoying about it, but you can’t please everyone