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Beginner December 2020

Keep someone from ceremony?

Adrian, on October 17, 2019 at 2:58 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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My partner and I are having a very small, secret wedding December 2020. Originally, we had invited his mother (neither of us like her that much, but we felt she should be there, especially considering he is her oldest child), but they have been fighting a lot. We had hoped that things would get better before it came to this, but she pitched a fit over bringing him his birth certificate for an unrelated matter, insulted him and me, and claimed that everything was his fault. That was our last straw. We had invited her to a family vacation the week of the wedding (it was what we told both mothers, to keep them from trying to invite a million people we don't know or care about), and were planning to tell her it was the wedding closer to the trip. That night, we told her that, due to all of the fights, she would no longer be welcome (there were a lot more words, but that's the gist of it).

A bit more backstory: the woman absolutely despises me for reasons I don't fully comprehend other than she cannot control me. She constantly insults me, but never to my face, blames me for her son getting on antidepressants, and says it's my fault he is 'so disrespectful' (ie, stands up for himself).

He does not want to file a restraining order, because he still wants to see his siblings. We've told our wedding coordinator, but is there anything else we can do to keep her away?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by KK77, on October 19, 2019 at 11:55 AM

Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 17, 2019 at 3:05 PM
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You could consider hiring security. It's always an option and people do it more often than you think. My husband's sister (one of them) is a drunk, and has been for 10 years. She isn't a low-key drunk, she is a screaming/crying/breaking everything drunk. We had an open wedding at our bar, but we hired security so she would behave herself and if she didn't it wouldn't be an issue for family and friends to deal with since they are guests. It cost us $600 for 5 hours with two off duty police offers (through a private security company) and it was the best money we have spent. They were super discrete, dressed like normal guests, and just hung out like they worked at the venue. They ended up cutting her off at the bar but it was super nice to have professionals to do it, I didn't even hear about it until they called the next day to tell me how everything went. The only people that knew we hired security were my husband and me, we didn't make it apparent.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on October 17, 2019 at 3:09 PM
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PP's suggestion of hiring security is a great idea. I'm not sure how she could show up at the ceremony, though, if she doesn't know about it?
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on October 17, 2019 at 5:12 PM
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Yeah, I'm with Caytlyn. If you don't tell her any details about when and where, she's not likely to show up, right?
Or, maybe you are worried that others will tell her where?
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Just Said Yes April 2020
Olivia · on October 18, 2019 at 8:11 AM
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I too agree, if she has no idea on the ceremony, times, dates and location how likely is it that she will turn up? Who else knows about the ceremony that has a possible connection to her and could let it slip? I assume your mother isn't likely to do so.
Don't forget - she thought it was just a holiday, a wedding may not have crossed her mind.
Congrats on your big secret day!!
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Dedicated December 2020
KK77 · on October 19, 2019 at 11:55 AM
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You might feed her a bit of information that you were thinking wedding will be in January of 2021 or February 14th of 2021, so after your planned day. Then when you do have your Dec wedding and she finds out you could say, we just couldn't wait.......lol. The issue could be if she is able to work over one of your guests and they spill the beans, that could be a problem of course.
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