Just Wondering: Why is being B-listed more hurtful than not being invited at all?

Comes off as gift grabby. You weren't special enough for us to host from the beginning. But please come so we can reach our minimum of consumption.

Because the B list are people who the host did not value enough to put on the A list.

If an A lister cannot come, the host replaces them with a B lister.

Ugh! If that person finds out, they feel that the host values them less (which they did).

I think you feel like an after thought or they feel obligated in a way because others ask.

Number One, it's incredibly hurtful to have been so obviously put last when you are great friends with someone.

Number Two, it's gift grabby.

Two of my sister's were B-listed and that was their reaction, in that order.

Going to a wedding is fun and I am happy to celebrate with friends/family. But it is still a social obligation and fairly expensive for gift, clothes, and travel. A B-list invitation feels very entitled, like attending your wedding and buying you a present is some great honor and I should be thrilled to drop everything to attend with late notice.

You're either an honored guest, or you're not. The truth about B-lists, if you think about it, isn't pleasant. It means you didn't make the first cut, but because there were declines from the A-list, the couple wants to fill those empty seats because they don't want to pay for meals that won't be consumed.

As a guest, that doesn't make you feel "honored", it makes you feel like a seat filler. Nobody wants to feel like that, so either invite your honored guests and accept the responses, or call in the replacements and hope the B-listers don't realize who they are. I think it's rude as hell, but countless couples come up with reasons to justify what is essentially a financial decision.

I went to a wedding for which I had been B listed. The bride emailed me a couple weeks before saying that she knew I had wanted to come, and now there was an extra seat.

I knew we hadn't stayed close over the years, and I wasn't offended when not originally invited. I know it's hard to choose a guest list. When she reached out to me, for a brief moment I was really offended. Because I thought it was rude of her to just try to fill the seats.

But ultimately I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She knew I was someone who genuinely would enjoy seeing her marry her fiancé....he was a kid in my neighborhood growing up and she was a separate friend, so I had a connection to both of them. I decided to go and support them. No hard feelings.

No one wants to feel like plan B. If they weren't important enough to invite to begin with, don't throw them a bone.

I was wondering the same thing because our venue is restricted to 50 guests but I've had 5 people decline. I know there were some of my friends that wanted to come but I had to make sure and invite my family first.

I'm confused how someone would know they were "B listed"?

We created a 'B' list only because of budget....we both have a large family and cannot afford a 400 person reception...we have no choice but to create a 'b' list.....

Ebony you absolutely have a choice. You're choosing a horrendously tacky idea.

Ahhh...logic (blist vs no invite)

Brea your guests will know. They talk to each other. Last minute invites are pretty obvious.

@Brea. Guests talk or received a very late invite...that's how they find out there was a b list.

If I'm not invited at all, I can assume it was a small wedding. Or family only, or I fell into a circle (cousins, work friends) that isn't being invited. I have no problem with that; I fully support people having smaller parties in order to host the people they are closest to in the best possible way.

If I get B-listed, I got a spot because one of the "good" people can't make it so the couple will deign to accept a gift from my second class ass. That just sucks.

It's kind of like this...you're standing with a friend of yours (Friend A), when another friend (Friend B) comes over and starts talking about a party they are having. Friend A already knows about the party and has been invited long before. Then Friend B looks at you, realizes you're listening, and says, oh, do you want to come?

You KNOW you weren't invited to begin with, and that Friend B just invited you because you were standing there. How does that make you feel?

That's how B listed guests would feel if they found out they were B listed.

Just do ONE list, and if someone declines, leave it. Don't try to "fill the seat". It's not a theater production!!!

I can see why it's considered rude, but I can also see where it might not be.

I'm not B-listing, but my venue has a 100 person guest limit - my family took up 60 of those slots, so my fiance obviously got the rest. Aside from the two friends who are my bridesmaids, I wasn't able to invite ANY friends at all because inviting them over family is non-negotiable.

I've already had multiple people ASK me to essentially B-list them and invite them if we get enough declines because they understand the venue constraints and family importance. It won't happen, but I can see where this would be fine for others in similar situations.

Note: I am having a buffet style dinner, so no money goes to waste for people who decline.

@katelina1 see I understand it isn't great, but I also think it would be worse to be Friend B hearing the other two talk about the party and then just look at me like "yeah..."