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Mandi
Master October 2020

Just Venting- Don't Mind Me

Mandi, on July 4, 2019 at 12:20 PM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 13
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I feel like I should preface this with:
I swear I am a productive human with a job who doesn't usually obsess over the small stuff. But this wedding stuff is difficult.
I previously reported that I was having guest list cutting issues. I tried to get a bigger venue, but they waited 2 months to let us know they could accommodate us. So we already found a different place.
My wonderful fiance tells me "Well, don't really worry about Toby and Jess. They came to so and so's reception, but they didn't come til way later." So my fiance was trying to tell me this to relax. But this is what I heard: "You're working so hard to find space for Toby and Jess and their 7 kids. Even though there are tables of 8, you're trying to make them a table of 9. But that table is going to be empty through all of dinner. Even though we will have paid for at least $80 of food for them. And you'll have had space for some of the cousins and friends you're cutting off your side of the guest list."

I wish there was a way to politely just not invite all of their kids. Tyler and Jess and that's it. But there isn't.

Or at the very least put on our RSVPs:
--Gladly Accepts
--Will be at dinner
--Will be late. We can't make dinner but save us some cake!


And somehow ask if they are only attending the ceremony or only attending the reception or both.
(Skipping the ceremony is totally acceptable in my area and circle.)

I'm just annoyed because right now it looks like I'm cutting 3 friends and 3 cousins I would love to invite.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Kelsie, on July 5, 2019 at 3:28 PM
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow Online ·
    • Flag
    7 kids??? I have to know, why are you oblogated to invite them all???
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    We aren't doing an adult only wedding. Our wedding party combined has 12 children amongst them.
    It just seems rude to invite some people and their children and specifically exclude this guy's kids.
    • Reply
  • Sherrie
    Expert August 2019
    Sherrie ·
    • Flag
    You could do wedding party kids only. We will have two kids at ours - and they're in the wedding. No hard feelings but as much as I love "little JoJo," I want people who will actually remember what is happening and who want to be there, to be there.
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Can you just ask them flat out, if they are getting a sitter for a date night to attend the wedding, or are they bringing the kids?
    Just tell them you are needing a head count for the caterer.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I assume when I ask on my RSVPs how many and who is attending, I'll get the answer. But if they decide to RSVP for 9 and show up at 8:30 after dinner, I don't have any control over that.
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I just meant , if you are close enough to ask them informally, instead of waiting on the RSVP
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Ah. I'm not. He's a D&D buddy of the fiance. I'll ask him to ask... but... ya know. Lol.
    • Reply
  • VIP September 2019
    ·
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    This is just me but if you dont know them well enough to ask them prior to invitation why are they coming and 7 of their kids. Not to be rude but that is a lot of mouths to feed or pay for and have them show up much later. Me personally would ask whoever knows them to say the invitation is for those two only and asked them to clarify if they need a meal or not
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Ugh that's a really big family Smiley sad and it's hard because although they're telling you they'd be late it doesn't necessarily mean it may happen on the day of ya know? They might be on time or not as late as you think.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Well I cant just cut my fiance's friends off the list because he isnt assertive enough to ask.
    • Reply
  • Rissachu
    Dedicated August 2019
    Rissachu ·
    • Flag

    I would seriously just invite the two adults. If you don't know them that well, then you don't know them enough to accommodate their children. I know it sounds harsh, but they can find a sitter or just not come.

    • Reply
  • Carol
    Devoted October 2019
    Carol ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Yes, you can. If he can't talk to the people he wants to invite and is causing you unnecessary stress and potentially costing you more money, move on and invite people you really want to be there and who can make up their minds. They don't seem that important if he can't ask them a simple question.
    • Reply
  • Kelsie
    Devoted August 2019
    Kelsie ·
    • Flag

    This may be no help at all since you don't know them personally, BUT if it were me who were invited to a wedding and I had 7 children, I would not expect the bride and groom to try to accommodate for that large of a family. And hopefully they would use a wedding as a night out from that big of a family. Your FH mentioned they showed up late to someone else's wedding, but do you know if it was just them or the whole family? I guess you don't really have a way of knowing if their children were actually invited though.

    If I were in your situation, I would honestly either invite just the adults, or find a way to ask them if they would bring their children. I would never want a bride to cut friends and family even if I just had one child. But unfortunately, that's just me. I know people can be difficult. I hope you get it figured out!

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