Just need some advice

Unfortunately, she is an adult and she will do whatever she wants. Although it would be nice to believe she won't ruin your wedding there is no guarantee. My dad is a recovering alcoholic. I was so nervous about him being around the alcohol at our wedding, but he was planning on leaving early because he didn't want to be around the alcohol. He accidentally drank the champagne during our toasts because he wasn't sure what it was. I had told everyone we weren't doing a champagne toast so he must have thought it wasn't alcohol. He was so upset, but we closed the bar until he left. The bar was closed for dinner anyways so it was only closed like an extra 30 minutes because my dad left when everyone started dancing. My brother went home with him since my brother isn't very much against alcohol due to his religion. Needless to say, they made the decision that was best for them. Yes, I was disappointed my brother and dad left my wedding early, but I knew they would. It was honestly the best decision because I would have worried the whole night about my dad being around the alcohol. Unfortunately, your mom doesn't sound like she is willing to accept that there is a problem. My dad knew he had a problem, but wouldn't stop until he was told by a doctor he either would stop or end up dead. The only option I can think of is to have someone monitor your mom throughout the evening, but that isn't really fair to that person. I'm sorry you are going through this.

View Quoted Comment I’m glad your dad was able to get the help needed and stop before it took his life. Unfortunately I don’t think that will even stop my mom. I’m not really a drinker due to seeing my mom like that my whole life but I’m not against it in moderation. I don’t know that she will be strong enough to leave early and avoid the situation. My nana (her mom) has already told me if she sees her drinking she’ll try to quietly escort her out, but my moms not the nicest drunk so I’m worried there will be a huge ordeal before she’ll leave. And I’ve tried to talk to her about it and casually be like “hey just so you know you cannot be drinking at my wedding or you will be asked to leave and I’ll probably never talk to you again” but she just changes the subject or hangs up on me or lies that she doesn’t drink that much.

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I'm so sorry. My dad was not nice when he drank either so I totally understand being worried about it. I don't drink at all because of my dad. I assume not having alcohol at your wedding is not an option. My husband refused to not have alcohol at the wedding, but he agreed to not having it at the rehearsal because I didn't want my dad around it anymore than necessary.

View Quoted Comment We’re only doing beer and wine because I refuse to have people hammered at my wedding, personally we could do water and tea and I’d be happy but he wanted at least beer so we settled for beer and wine, my moms big drink is whiskey so that right that was a no for me and he agreed that it’s best to keep it far away from her however she’ll drink anything so it’s not like it really matters. But the rehearsal we’re doing at our house having a cook out after we leave the venue so we can kind of control a little better.

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I know he wants beer at the wedding, but what if you only serve it during cocktail hour or dinner rather than the whole evening?

Well I would say talk to her up front about this but if she does not recognize she has a roblem then she will not acknowledge it. I would say just keep it at beer and wine and tell your bartender no hard liquor at all and then do not forewarn her so she cannot plan to bring alcohol in advance. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. If she starts to be problematic do you have some family members that can escort her out and hopefully not cause a scene? Maybe could you ask her to that evening not drink any alcohol for you?

If alcohol is available, it’s going to be hard to keep her from drinking. Could you assign a family member to her, to keep an eye on her? Maybe another opinion on her drinking too much would be more readily accepted.

Don’t invite her

We have the same situation with FH's mom. We both love her and she's amazing when she's sober, but her fiance is an enabler so she's never had a successful recovery because of that.

We plan on sitting down and speaking with both of them (both her and her fiance are alcoholics, smoke, and also do drugs) about it all. Not to attack them, but to establish boundaries. Our ceremony venue there cannot be ANY alcohol, smoking or drugs on the premises (it's a historical site so they're way more strict about alcohol & smoking as most of the building is original) or we will lose our refundable deposit if they were to somehow find out.

Our plan is to sit down with them at some point in the next couple months and just address our concerns. Not attack them or blame them or make them feel like they're being lectured by their son and his fiance, but to just be level with them and say "hey, look. Here's the deal. We love you guys and want you there but you have to hold off on the drinking and smoking until the reception at least because of the contract with our ceremony venue". FMILs fiance can be very defensive and just all around a jerk so any chance we can deflect something off of us and onto our contracts with our venues will make him realize it's not us, it's a contract.

What happens at the reception is on them. They're adults and if they choose to drink, as long as they aren't acting belligerent, I can't tell them to stop as much as I'd like them to not drink! Chances our FMIL won't drink because her family will be there but I can almost guarantee her fiance will try to sneak alcohol in a soda bottle (he's been fired from multiple jobs because of that exact scenario).