Just need a place to vent/get some kind words. Trigger warning abuse

I think you should seriously consider counseling or therapy to fully heal from your trauma of your last relationship before you step into the next chapter in your present relationship. It may take time but it will help you heal & move past these triggers and reminders you have.

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I've done some therapy for all that happened but it just felt like rehashing everything. I've been looking into it again though just waiting to get help through insurance right now.

Please see a counselor. You’ve been through a lot and the joy/stress of wedding planning could be triggering these fears and memories. So sorry you had to go through that! 🤗

Also, marriage isnt a trap. If you aren’t happy or if FH starts acting like your ex, then you get a divorce and walk away from the relationship Easier said than done but its true. Marriage is only final if you choose it to be.

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Thats why I kind of wait to like spring ideas on him, so that way I'm not in my head about stuff. Before me and my FH couldn't like wrestle or play around because I'd start freaking out now im totally fine its more mental reacts now about smells, sounds or flashbacks.

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I totally agree with that hes shown no signs or red flags and we have like a fair fighting relationship we totally respect the others feelings and if we know were upset we leave things at the moment and come back when the initial temper is done

My past trauma was completely different (not relationship related) so I won't say I am an expert or anything. I did find that counseling/therapy with someone who you trust and connect with is incredibly effective in helping resolve past issues and allowing you to plan for and cope with any lasting impacts. Your FH should not try and take the place of a counselor, that isn't fair to you or him.


I am really sorry you are struggling and hope you find a way to move forward. Be kind to yourself, first and foremost. Commitment is hard, especially when you have been burned, and the fear you are describing is a big reason some people do couples counseling before marriage. Communication with your FH is key to the success of your relationship.

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Thank you Grace thats really helpful. He is very understanding on what happened. He wasnt the best partner in past relationships(never abuse but kind of a jerk) so he gets the other side of it. Hes always comforting about if I wake up cuz a nightmare or something but the toll he doesnt quiet get. Im waiting to get connecting for an intake through insurance to just have an outlet i guess or resentment towards my ex.

This is absolutely normal for someone that has had trauma in their life, do not think any less of yourself because these things are happening to you. As others have suggested, seek counseling, it sounds like your previous counselor was not the right fit for you if you didn't feel a benefit. That's totally normal too, you may need to try several out until you do find that right fit.

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That is what I am thinking. Its so fun to do the planning and everything but like random nights i wake up in a panic and its hard to go back to sleep my general depression and anxiety kick up the days after I have a nightmare and i play it off like oh im just tired from the baby because i dont want my trauma to become a burden to FH. which he has not acted like that at all thats just my own self thinking.

Hi sweetie I can relate I was in an abusive relationship was engaged to him but never married he abused me financially, emotionally, and physically and I get triggered by the tiniest things, my fiance is so patient and amazing, I had to get some counseling and it helped

View Quoted Comment I hate that everything can be so right in place now that there should be no reason to ever doubt myself or worry about something like the past happening again but it does. Like it’s just not fair to finally be happy that in the back of my mind in a dark corner I have these feelings that I ignore.

What you are describing are symptoms of PTSD. I would highly recommend you seek out a therapist. Since you are former military, reach out to your local VA. There are specific military sexual trauma clinics with psychologists highly trained to assist with these types of issues.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I did today to try and get a claim started and just to get some general help

View Quoted Comment Great! I really hope you get the help you need. You deserve to live a life of happiness without your awful trauma history getting in the way. I'm currently in grad school for psychology, and the most effective PTSD treatments (like CPT and PE) have come out of the VA, so if you can get in there, you will more than likely get better treatment than a private clinician, unless they were trained on these types of therapies.

View Quoted Comment I will keep that in mind when I go for my intake thank you

Please go see a counselor!
Sending you love 💕

Sarah

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Please see a counselor! I recently saw a counselor and it has been so helpful to me. You won’t see the result right away but it’s good for your mental health.
Sending you love,
Sarah

View Quoted Comment Thank you Sarah!