Just looking for opinions on guest lists

Please please please stick to your gut! This happened to us. We wanted 115 guests to come. Our moms gave us a list and we are at 198..... thankfully 40 have told us they can’t come due to COVID and we are not postponing. Stick to your guns!!!! If they want them to come, they will pay for them to come!

I meant, if your mothers want them to come, then they should pay for them.

You accept their suggestions with grace, make your list final and when all is said and done let the mothers know their input was taken to heart, however with a reduced headcount you want to keep it to those who you really want present versus inviting for the sake of inviting.

We went through this too 😓 we stood firm on some guests not coming but we invited a few that we didn't want to come 🙄 but we could have 200 people so we had more leeway. Thankfully, a lot of the people we didn't really want to invite aren't coming, partly because they never see or talk to us and partly due to COVID. We invited 204 total (4 more than we should have) and 154 RSVPd.

Are they gonna pay for those plates? Or a bigger venue if required?
If not, "Thanks for the suggestion, but you had your wedding. This is ours."

I agree with people - are they going to pay for those extra guests if they want them that badly?

I went through this with my parents as well. They gave me a relatively large list of people they wanted me to invite, though they were not able to cover any cost for them to attend. So what we did was put their requests on a "B" list. We first sent out invites to everyone we wanted to invite ("A" list), and based on those responses, we ended up having enough space to invite everyone they had asked for in the second round of invitations. I don't like the idea of ranking people, but when there's limited space, we found that this worked best for us. Otherwise, I agree with everyone else that maybe your parents can chip in for the cost of their guests to attend?

My future father-in-law is one of 10 children. They all also have their own children that have spouses except for the younger ones. We made it a point to only invite the people that reach out to us and that we see on a normal basis that we also reach out to. I’m sure we may run into issues with our guest list for example we are inviting one of his cousins but not his cousin’s mother because his cousins mother has been causing a lot of drama in the family. We are paying for this wedding ourselves. When my father-in-law questions to guest list I said right out, this is not your family reunion, this is my wedding. This is supposed to be a special intimate day shared with the closest people who support us, and it’s not to be shared with people who simply want to have a night out of fun. You may get some mixed reactions, but when you truly think about it, how often do you ever see these people that all of a sudden want to be a part of your wedding? Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. Good luck

I'm sorry they are acting like that. I would say thank you for the suggestion but we can only invite 100 people and we would like those to be 100 of our CLOSEST family and friends.

I agree with everyone so far - Stick to your gut, invite only those who are close to you, and I really like the idea of a B list... I might even use that idea for my wedding 🙌🏼 If she is still insisting on them coming, ask for her to pay for their seats. I bet she will change her tune when you add up ALL of your expenses (venue, rentals, food, etc) and divide it by the ‘new guest count’ to get the cost per person.

Stand your ground. It's your wedding day so only invite those you want in attendance. Moms already had their day and they aren't paying extra to have these random folks there.


Say thank you and remind them of space and budget constraints.

Are your mother and future mother in law paying for your wedding? If not, then by all means, stand your ground. If they are paying for your wedding, then it gets tricky...

View Quoted Comment I really like the idea of an A and B List! So have the A List rsvp a little sooner so I have time to send out the B List with time so they can reply? They are not paying for the wedding, and I honestly don’t think either would pay for their additional guests unfortunately.

Stick to your guns, do not have a B list (people WILL find out) and invite who you want. I know it is tough - the guest list is THE hardest part, for sure! Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Yes people do find out about B lists. Always prepare for 100% attendance of whomever you send invites to because it does happen.