Just had a groomsmen back out

Friend, but still come and enjoy our free food and drinks. Now me personally, I don't care that much. I think this friend is the biggest POS alive. I'm just mad for FH because I know he's hurt.

Oh wow that's pretty awful for him to pull that! I'm sorry you're dealing with it! I would NOT want him to come to my wedding either!!!

Ugh. What a shit. My husband's own brother backed out of our wedding (twice) because H didn't ask him to be the best man. He basically there a tantrum. But he brewed us good beer to serve, and he came as a guest. It all worked out. I'm glad I didn't have to deal with his shit. But I know H was kinda hurt

That would not fly with me either!

Weddings often, unfortunately, turn into the life moments that prove who our true friends are, and make people finally end friendships that have run their course, but it was too uncomfortable or sad to see it.

I think you should have a heart to heart with your FH, and ask him gently, if he met his GM today, would he want to be his friend? I suspect the answer is no - and he should consider whether this person adds anything to your FH's quality of life, and is a friend who reciprocates, or only takes takes takes time, attention, energy, etc.

My MOH's DH's best friend, who was his best man, also lived off disability for a fake injury for years, and it was not something the husband approved of, but he never really confronted the guy, because they'd been friends for so long... their friendship is on life support, with supposed-friend cancelling dinner plans three out of every four times they make them, and MOH's DH barely talks to him now 10 years later. For all intents and purposes, the friendship is over - he just can't let it go, even though he has met better men in the years since who are better friends in every sense. I suspect he feels like he's some kind of a failure if he gives up on his longest, oldest friendship.

Maybe you need to nudge your FH to talk about why he's still friends, and perhaps help him realize that it's time to 'break up' with his friend?

I've had this discussion with him before, and when he's ready we will have it again. He IS someone who just takes and takes. I think like you said, FH just doesn't want to let go because they w been friends since grade school.

Ugh, sorry you're dealing with this. We actually had a very similar situation with a groomsman--backed out with a month and a half to go because he moved for grad school but didn't think to tell us he could no longer make the wedding (which he had known for a few months) until FH called him. Hopefully it all works out for you!

So I talked with FH when he got home. He's done with this "friend". He never responded to the text messages yesterday, because he was angry. He's going to do it today. He told me the friendship is over, and he can't believe this guy is being so childish.

That stinks for your fiance, losing a friend - especially one you considered to be close enough to participate in the wedding - is tough. A phone call to the former groomsman by your fiance telling him that while he is sorry that he will no longer stand up for him at your wedding, his invitation as a guest is rescinded as well. That would seem appropriate, would allow your fiance to explain why you've made this decision jointly, and allow the former groomsman a chance to explain himself. There is no need to get defensive in your decision to rescind his invitation altogether; I would just focus on the fact that you want to celebrate with your family and close friends and feel that he no longer fits into the latter category.

Ugh, I feel for your FH! I would also not be cool with him still coming to the wedding. Like "Oh hey, you are the worst! But I'm still coming to get free booze okay?" Nope.

That sucks that this is happening so close to your wedding.

I also had a GM drop out of the BP (back in July). His excuse (actually his GF's excuse since he didn't have the balls to contact FH himself) was that he's been working a lot of overtime so he can't commit to getting time off for the rehearsals (there's only one rehearsal but she kept mentioning multiple rehearsals). She also mentioned that she had a miscarriage so that would interfere with the wedding. Oh, and all this was through a text! Needless to say they won't be coming to the wedding at all.

Oh and about her having a miscarriage. It's true she did have a miscarriage but I found out that it happened back in January. So how would that "interfere" with the wedding?

I say be the bigger person, tell him you're sorry he won't be part of your wedding but you'd like to see about the reception, and then deal with ending the friendship after the wedding no one wants sour grapes at their wedding

@ Private User - So this guy can be a complete dick to his friend and still get an invite to the wedding? Hell no! It's not sour grapes. It's keeping assholes away from the wedding.

@Private User,

You don't enable people's shitty behavior. His friend acted out, and should not be rewarded for trying to guilt trip OP's FH.

I had a "friend" blow up at me for not asking her to be a bridesmaid... we aren't even that close of friends but apparently she thought we were besties. She then went on to question my choices of bridesmaids, back out of the bachelorette, but then send me her RSVP with an added (uninvited guest). She then had ANOTHER blow up at me about how much I hurt her, it came down to our friendship actually ending and her being uninvited to the wedding. I don't feel bad about it at all, her being there would have just made me mad after all the stress shes given me the last few months.

So.. I vote uninvite if hes going to act shitty and make anyone feel bad.

No thank you @ private user. I'm not enabling shitty behavior by saying "oh I still want you at the reception." Thanks everyone else!