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M
Just Said Yes September 2020

Just Discovered fh is Immunocompromised

Morgan, on July 30, 2020 at 12:51 AM Posted in Planning 0 6
Devastating news today. My FH went in for a yearly checkup and to clear with his doctor that he could go back to teaching, when we discovered that he is Immunocompromised. I won't go into personal details, but now I am on a guilt roller coaster. I encouraged him to hang out with a couple friends and go grocery shopping, not knowing how much risk I was putting him in. I'm already setting up appointments with doctors to see how best we can deal with this in these times that increase his risk even more. Our area was doing so well, and we had already postponed once, that we were truly excited to get married in a little over a month. Now I'm just terrified to let him leave the house. I don't want a wedding anymore. Covid has stolen my joy and is only making me fearful of every little step I take. I know my FH doesn't want to take away my idea of a normal wedding, but right now I just want to elope. We wouldn't be able to have a celebration for an unknowable period because we just couldn't take that risk right now with so many unknowable factors. I don't know if I just posted to rant, or get encouragement, but I never thought I would be in this situation...

6 Comments

Latest activity by Bridget, on July 30, 2020 at 9:41 AM
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Hey don’t blame yourself for not knowing that he was immunocompromised before the check up. You couldn’t have known that and those past things are done.
    Now it’s time to look forward. I would definitely have him go out lesser now than before. My parents don’t go out much except some grocery shopping not super often either as they’re immunocompromised and elderly.


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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    Oh OP I am sorry about FH's condition. Don't beat yourself up about something that you couldn't have known. If I were in your situation, I likely would have done the same thing unknowingly, but alas we can't walk around on eggshells for fear of the unknown.

    I don't know what you have planned for the wedding (i.e. guest count, location, measures you're taking) but I am sure it will be ok Smiley smile Hang in there!

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    You can't blame yourself. That's an issue he has with his body. This is a crappy time but as one bride said we must adapt. He will need to take extra precautions. He's done ok so far and I am a teacher so he'll need to go back to work. Do some research but for me my students will have to keep their distance. Wear a face shield or a mask. I hope I don't sound rude but coronavirus is a very scary thing but it sounds to me like he could be susceptible to catching a flu or common cold with his condition so for any situation he's just going to have to take extra precautions. Also I strongly suggest that he wipe down his desks from the students. I think you should talk to him and make a good compromise but maybe at your wedding encourage guests to wear masks, have plenty of hand sanitizer and while it's not fun maybe you could tell guest to keep their distance from the bride and the groom to avoid contact during the corona times. Or worst case scenario what do you feel about postponing once this is all settled but that could be awhile? I feel like you could still have a small intimate wedding and maybe it's just me I don't feel like the number of guests that come to a wedding as what's going to make you feel like a bride. You could elope just like you said in your wedding dress with a couple of family members and still make it feel like a bride. So maybe you can have the ceremony and do a miter reception afterwards but again see what he feels most comfortable with and see what he's also willing to do.
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    I can hear how much you care for him in the post. When we get new info, I think it's a sign of intelligence and maturity to adjust your behavior to that new info. You've realized his risk is higher, you love him, so you're thinking of how to adjust what you can to reduce his risk again. That sounds wise and proactive to me. 😃
    Whatever you and he decide on (going forward with more precautions or eloping), just get to a point where you can sleep at night with your choice. Try to shift to an "alert, not anxious" outlook (Dr. Mike from YouTube loves that phrase) - you're thinking on the risks and making the best decisions you can.
    Good luck!
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    I am so sorry, but do not blame yourself. If your FH didn't want to go out, he wouldn't have. Just as this post mentions, he sounds very susceptible and will just have to take extra precautions. Please don't let this take away from your wedding. There are ways to work through this, have faith, it will all work out. Sending Hugs.

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  • B
    Savvy April 2021
    Bridget ·
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    I am an immunocompromised bride and also a teacher. When FH asked for my parents blessing, my heart condition was a big portion of their conversation. And he has been so amazing during these past 5 months. You can’t blame yourself for encouraging him to hang out with friends and family. However, my heart condition was a playing factor in why we decided to push our wedding as well. I hope everything works out.
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