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Just Said Yes November 2019

Junior Bridesmaids

Jillian , on May 16, 2018 at 7:21 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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Hello!

This is is my first post since getting engaged in April and I am already having wedding party dilemmas. I should start by saying the wedding isn’t even until November of 2019. I had originally wanted 6 bridesmaids but then one of my close cousins moved closer so I added her as well so now I have 7bridesmaids and he has 7 groomsmen. My niece is going to be my flower girl and my youngest cousin is my ring bearer. However, my mom and fathers mom are pressuring me now to add my other youngest female cousins (the sisters of the ring bearer) to my list as junior bridesmaids. That would put me at 9/10 with flower girl all standing for my wedding. I talked about cost and my mom offered to make their dresses because she will already be making the flower girl dress. Also they wouldn’t get bouquets just rings in their hair.
I’m feeling really conflicted since it won’t cost me really anything am I being rude by saying I don’t want two kids in my wedding who do t speak to me really or really care if they are in it? My mom, grandma, and aunt are the ones sayin I should add them.
Do I add them under stipulations and out of keeping the peace or do I say whatever and continue with what was planned?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on May 16, 2018 at 10:47 AM

Expert October 2018
Allison · on May 16, 2018 at 7:27 AM
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You shouldn't be obligated to keep adding random family members to your bridal party. Your bridal party should be people you want to stand up with you.

I have a junior bridesmaid because I want her to be, but I wouldn't have added her just because. She's not able to contribute to a bridal shower, or help me put my dress on. She's there solely because I love her. She's not really able to fulfill many duties.
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Expert March 2019
Jaycie · on May 16, 2018 at 7:34 AM
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Try to stand your ground and say what you're thinking. I'm sorry they are pressuring you to add more people to who is already standing. Every bride has their own preference, but to me that's a lot of people standing. So don't feel bad about voicing yoyr own opinion.
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Beginner June 2018
Sibylle · on May 16, 2018 at 8:10 AM
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Ha! My mom did the same thing . Well, almost. My Fiancè wanted 4 couples and no kids to walk. I begged him and begged him and now I have 16 people walking. Which I regret, but still love and appreciate. They've been awesome !

And my mom wanted me to add more. And those ppl she wanted , I did not trust to rely on the parents because they've put me down before with previous party planning.

I just kept the people I wanted to walk.

Don't take it as a bad thing. Your family is very excited for you and would love everyone to be apart of it. Just nicely ignore them by not saying yes or no with their opinions. & they are offering to help. My people are all opinions and no money...

Don't get me started with the guest list with my mom urg!

P.s.
It is your wedding, so do what makes you and your FH happy!
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VIP July 2017
Paquita · on May 16, 2018 at 8:18 AM
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You shouldnt feel pressured to add people to your wedding party. You have whom you and your FH want to have and thats that. Stand firm with your answers if you dont want the added people.
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Super June 2019
JuneBride · on May 16, 2018 at 8:45 AM
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I can understand that. Personally I dont think I would want someone who I barely know to be my bridesmaid. The reason why I have a junior bridesmaid is because it's FH's little sister (14 yrs old) and she will be walking with a junior groomsmen, my little brother (16 yrs old). I want them both at the wedding and they are the only siblings that aren't married. For me every person in our wedding party is someone who we talk to and see frequently. We have his female cousin who will be matched up with my male cousin and my female cousin who will be matched up with his male cousin. We picked those 4 because we are close with them and out of all our cousins, we've hung out with them most. The last bridesmaid and groomsmen are a couple we became friends with in college. We hang out with them all the time. We have two flower girls (his goddaughter and my niece) and we have two ring bears (both of our nephews).
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Expert September 2018
Brittany · on May 16, 2018 at 9:01 AM
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How old are the junior bridesmaids? Will they be able to stand the whole time without moving... I am having my 2 junior bridesmaids sit during the ceremony since they are younger 9&11 and can’t stand without moving for a long time... they would be sad if the didn’t get bouquets and weren’t treated the same as the bridesmaids... they are already mad they don’t get to stand the whole time but they both know they can’t and are like well this one time I can... haha if you can’t do it 2 mins in front of the church on sundays how are you going to do 30 mins lol
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Super July 2018
Brittany · on May 16, 2018 at 9:38 AM
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Add them. I had 7 bridesmaids too and then my fiance's younger half sisters got really upset that they weren't important enough to be in the bridal party so now the 8 year old is a flower girl and the 12 and 14 year olds are Junior Bridesmaids. My FMIL is irresponsible with money so this came at an expense to me because I had to buy the junior bridesmaid dresses, but ultimately I feel good that I made my soon to be sister in laws happy and they feel important. We added my male cousins that are the same age as Junior Groomsmen as well and I'm happy that I was able to include them too
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Savvy September 2019
Cindy · on May 16, 2018 at 10:08 AM
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I made the decision to NOT have my FH cousin in my bridal party even though they are the same age and grew up together and all that. The reason I choose not to was because she would be in my get ready room. I know how crazy it can be on the day of and if you don't have the strongest relationship with the people who are in the room with you that day it makes things super tense and stressful. Not to mention making sure they go along with everything you and your FH want on your guys day. TOO many people makes for more stress, money and worry. If she is not close with you then the simple answer is NO. You want your nearest and dearest next to you to calm the nerves.
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Dedicated November 2014
Mandy · on May 16, 2018 at 10:29 AM
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You said these 2 girls are the sisters of the ring bearer...but you don't really want them because you don't see them often or know them well. But do you see the ring bearer often and know him well? Either add these 2 girls, or don't have the ring bearer. You don't need a ring bearer at all. Most weddings don't have them. Think of the people you want there standing up for you, don't think of having spots you have to fill.

As an aside, the sides do not need to be even, or separated by gender, and personally I don't like the idea of a "junior" anybody. Why aren't they just bridesmaids? They have the EXACT same job as a bridesmaid, regardless of their age--to show up on time in the dress they agreed to wear within their budget.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on May 16, 2018 at 10:47 AM
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I personally wouldn't include them if you don't have a personal relationship. My fiance has a younger cousin who is a 17 year old girl. His mother asked me (wasn't pressuring me at all) if I would have her be a bridesmaid or junior bridesmaid. I said no, I never even considered her. They barely talk and at family events she's on her phone the whole time and has no interest in talking to him. I have 9 bridesmaid and it is costing me more, but every girl talks to me monthly or weekly and they know me and my fiance and are close to both of us.
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