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Just Said Yes July 2021

July wedding- Masks not wanted!

Tonya, on February 6, 2021 at 8:54 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 92

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Hello ladies! I am really hoping to get some guidance from other 2021 summer brides. I was supposed to be married 8/1/2020. Obviously, that didn’t happen, much like others on here! We chose to postpone because my FH and I are not willing to have our day celebrated by looking at people wearing masks. This is a second wedding for us both. The guest list is already fairly small, around 40 people. Mostly family and just a few close friends. The ceremony is outside, in a garden. The reception is to be in a private room at a country club. We sent out STD cards in September, once we had changed our date. I live in CT, and upright now the restriction is no more than 25 people ( and ladies, that number INCLUDES the photographer, videographer, DJ, band, etc.). So, I am already in the position of having to cut people is I sent out invitations today. My real issue is this, we want a wedding without masks. We will not be wearing them and the venue has already informed me that it is up to the people in the room if they feel they want to wear them or not ( obviously when leaving the private room to go to the bathroom, etc., any public place we will wear them). I am not willing to wait a whole year to get married. I want a celebration, not a masked event. Do I ask people ahead of time if they are comfortable not wearing a mask, which means if they answer “no”, they wouldn’t get invited, or do I somehow word it in the invitation that we are requesting no masks at our wedding and let them RSVP no?

I understand there are people that may be offended by my request, but it is MY wedding and if it would make ME uncomfortable to see people walking around my event with a mask on then I think it’s within my right as a bride to request no masks. Much like people request no children. All of the elderly people attending will already have been vaccinated, so it is really those who will not have had the chance yet or don’t intend to get the vaccine. My FH and I plan on quarantining before the wedding to make sure we are all good.

But the issue becomes how long I can wait to send the invitations. I need to order them and send them by end of May. Then what happens if the restriction isn’t lifted by the time I need to order and send them out?

Any help you can offer me would be very much appreciated.

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92 Comments

Latest activity by Yvette, on July 12, 2022 at 5:18 PM

Devoted September 2021
Jay · on February 6, 2021 at 9:33 AM
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I personally would be really offended by someone not wanting me at their wedding (or any event) if I chose to wear a mask. I would truly feel like that person didn’t care about me or my health. There are lots of reasons, even before covid, someone might be wearing a mask, although it was obviously less prevalent. I think mask wearing will be more commonplace even if we do get covid under control. If it’s outside & in the summer, I feel like you’ll have less mask wearing anyway.

I consider the celebration to be who is in attendance, not what they are wearing—which includes masks.
I think you do need to include some sort of information about not wanting masks, because I imagine at least some people won’t want to go in that situation (although you know your crowd). But what if someone comes & wears a mask? Would you kick them out? Wearing or not wearing a mask is fully a personal choice if the venue doesn’t require it. Not inviting someone or kicking someone out just because of masks will probably ruin some relationships.
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Devoted September 2021
Jay · on February 6, 2021 at 9:39 AM
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I realize I didn’t answer your real question, about timing. I think if you feel like you need to send invites later, you might consider sending emails or calling people directly? That might help you “send” invites later but still be able to get your caterer a final count on time. Either 25 or 40 people seems doable to me for this, especially because I assume some households have more than one of your guests.

For mailing, I think you’ll have to assume that whatever restrictions are in place by the time you mail them will be in place two months later. If you don’t, you risk making a lot more work for yourself later!
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on February 6, 2021 at 9:39 AM
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I think you are doing extra. You may want to consider only inviting parents and siblings going this route.
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Dedicated May 0021
· on February 6, 2021 at 9:46 AM
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Girl!! Let’s be realistic, if we’re getting married in this pandemic masks should be encouraged. You can’t ask people to not wear mask. If they choose not to wear, its their choice. I understand how you feel, I felt the same way and thats why I postponed twice but I have accepted it is the right and responsible thing to do.
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Savvy October 2021
Jamie · on February 6, 2021 at 9:53 AM
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I think 100% restrictions will be lifted by summer and you will have your 40 guest count. So order enough invitation to accommodate your full list. Also you could put in the invitation some info about how you care about the safe and health of your guests and while masks are optional, they will not be mandatory. I wouldn't say no mask at all. Myself, my fiance and my wedding party have no intention on wearing masks at all on our wedding day which is in October and as much as I feel your pain in not really wanting masks worn at my wedding it is not something you should require. Leave it up to the guests and I bet you will find more than half are tired of masks and would be happy to know they are not mandatory.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 6, 2021 at 9:56 AM
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This is the most incredibly selfish post I’ve seen in my years on WeddingWire. If you don’t want masks at your wedding, don’t get married in a pandemic. Or better yet, just elope so you don’t have to deal with the inconvenience of your loved ones not wanting to catch a potentially fatal virus.
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Devoted July 2021
Richaelyn · on February 6, 2021 at 10:02 AM
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Amen to that! lol
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Super June 2021
Melanie · on February 6, 2021 at 10:10 AM
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I'm all for brides having whatever they want on their wedding day, but it's not within your right to restrict people from wearing a mask during a pandemic. No one wants masks at their wedding. You can definitely say masks are optional and I'm sure very few people will actually wear it the whole night.
To your invitation question, if the restrictions are still in place by May, you only invite 25 people. If they happen to be lifted in June, then you can invite additional people. Don't invite more than the limit because if restrictions aren't lifted, you'll have to uninvite guests which is extremely rude
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Devoted June 2022
Liz · on February 6, 2021 at 10:17 AM
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Sorry, but it’s incredibly selfish to basically require people to risk their health just to attend your wedding. Just have a minimony with a small amount of people who have been vaccinated or in your bubble if you don’t want anyone to wear masks. With so many weddings becoming super spreader events and literally killing people, why would you want to put your guests in that situation?

If you insist on having an unmasked wedding you have to inform your guests that you don’t intend on wearing masks and would prefer that no one wears masks. I think you’ll find your guest list drops in number with that information. Please don’t forget to inform your vendors too, they’re people who are risking their own lives to work your wedding and deserve the chance to make an informed decision about who they’re spending time around.
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on February 6, 2021 at 10:28 AM
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As a guest I wouldn’t love this, and I’m a huge, regular mask wearer. But, I will wear one in larger groups.
We went to an outside birthday party last summer with around 30 people and no one wore a mask. I was very uncomfortable. Even at Thanksgiving at my in-laws I felt uncomfortable, and that was just 10 people, but from a few different households and no one did any social distancing or anything. If I was told masks were not wanted I’d probably decline.
As far as invites order enough for everyone just incase, but when the time comes Only invite the number allowed under your states restrictions. If people decline you can invite others. Yes b listing is rude, but I think people understand during this time that guests lists need to be extremely limited.
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Devoted September 2021
Jay · on February 6, 2021 at 10:30 AM
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That's such a good point about the vendors! I know one of mine has a clause basically saying we can't knowingly put them at risk for injury or illness, & this sort of thing would almost 100% apply.
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Super June 2021
Melanie · on February 6, 2021 at 10:32 AM
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I agree with this as well - my officiant won't do our wedding if masks aren't worn
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Expert September 2021
Meghan · on February 6, 2021 at 10:37 AM
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Amen! I’ve never seen a post like this before and I’m just baffled. I almost lost my mom to covid. It’s no joke. Be responsible and either elope or cut list to immediate family, like all the other couples getting married.
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Beginner September 2021
Jeanette · on February 6, 2021 at 11:00 AM
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Not sure if you realize this or not but WE’RE STILL IN A PANDEMIC. Just elope at this point.
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Super October 2023
Alyssa · on February 6, 2021 at 11:01 AM
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Since there's no like button, just going to reply to bring attention.
I didn't get sick this year with everyone wearing masks, people should wear masks all the damn time!
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Devoted November 2021
Maureen · on February 6, 2021 at 11:12 AM
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I’m sorry, but comparing no children at a wedding is NOT the same as no masks. You cannot tell someone what to do when it comes to sacrificing their health, just be grateful they are at your wedding. I think putting it on invitations is rude also and will immediately turn people off. ALL of us don’t want masks at our weddings, but this is a battle bigger than all of us. This is one thing you’re going to have to realize you have no control over, we all have come to grips with it. And if staff is required to wear them, then so be it.

Do not put anything about masks on your invites, if restrictions are pulled, you’re stuck with it printed on the invites, and it’s also rude.
If anything, tell the photographer to try to avoid angles with people wearing masks, that’s the best I think you can do.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on February 6, 2021 at 11:14 AM
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I’m not easily offended. So that wouldn’t be my issue because the request isn’t offensive to me, it’s just flat out poor judgment and ignorantly “hilarious”. Therefore, I’d thank you for the health warning and happily decline.

Do you plan to inform your vendors that your guests will be unmasked all night? Are you asking your vendors to go mask-less as well? How will you handle guests who show up, then begin to feel uncomfortable in the environment and decide to put on a mask after all?
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Super January 2021
Sharonda · on February 6, 2021 at 11:36 AM
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Eeeek! I understand that you want a normal wedding, but we’re not living in normal times. Demanding or requiring that your guests not wear masks is not wise given the current circumstances. The celebration is not based on what the guests wear, but rather who is there. I'd hate for you to make a guest list based off of who will agree not to wear a mask only to regret later that someone you would have wanted there did not attend because of your no-mask requirement. I got married 3 weeks ago, and while all of my vendors and some of my guests wore masks, it did not take away from the beauty of the day. It was an amazing day -- masks and all!
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Devoted September 2021
Sylvia · on February 6, 2021 at 11:44 AM
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To answer your question: send your invites as you intend to if things don’t change. 40 is not that large of a guest list so it theoretically should be okay. But: If restrictions DO change, then you would need to change your guest list and contact the guests who are not allowed anymore due to those restrictions. Do not put “no masks” on your invitations. Put that information on your wedding website if you have one.

Be prepared for guests to decline if they can’t wear a mask. They will most definitely be offended. And think you don’t care about their health (Which you don’t if you’re saying they can’t wear masks)

If you want a celebration, you’re having one. It’s your wedding. Masks or not that should matter. We are in a pandemic.If you’re not personally wearing masks, so be it. But don’t put your guests’ health at risk just because you don’t like the look of masks.
The reality is: masks are sticking around for a while. Covid is not going away anytime soon. Keep this in mind as you continue to plan and prepare. Therefore come up with a plan B. Minimony or elope.
We get that it’s your wedding day and you want what you want. But people’s health is not an exception. If you want the people you love being there, and they want to wear a mask, let them.Don’t waste your time stressing or getting angry about the pandemic we are in.
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Devoted September 2021
Sylvia · on February 6, 2021 at 11:51 AM
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Yes we live in a free country. But a request like this during a pandemic is not a smart choice. It’s unsafe and dangerous, to be frank. So it is expected to get back lash from brides who have postponed and want to get married. But we are in a pandemic where our lives are not normal. No one is saying they are better than you, they are just saying the choices you’re making are not feasible. In reality these posts show you the outcome. You want a celebration without masks then be ready to have the wedding very very small. This is the honest truth with the times we are living. Sorry if you’re upset with hearing it. People’s health are more than just opinions now. What if YOU or your FH were to get Covid due to your wedding? Ask yourself that. Was the celebration worth it? What if you lost someone you loved due to Covid? It’s a very serious matter.
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