JOP Ceremony/Not Writing Your Own Vows?

We're not writing our own vows. I wanted to at first, but honestly, all that personal devotion stuff I can just tell him in private, the whole world doesn't need to know. You're overthinking this lol I wouldn't worry about it - the fact that you're marrying him says volumes about how much you care for each other.

Yes on overthinking but that's okay! It's good to think these things through like you are to make sure the ceremony is as meaningful as possible for you. But I think it's just that- focus on making it meaningful to you and not the attendees. If you aren't into vows and do them anyways, it won't come off any better. Many couples don't write their own vows. I am not and FH is not. Neither of us are very "public" emotional people. We also don't even vocalize our own deep affections to each other that often (I could get into this.... love languages and all that) so I would feel hella awk saying them in front of a crowd! You do you!

Our ceremony was about 12 minutes, including a candle lighting. We did the "for better or for worse" vows with the JP, but we also wrote something to say. DH did the "I promise/vow etc" route, and I wrote a paragraph about why I love him and why he and I make an awesome "us." So it was a nice combo and people cried at all the vows, lol.

We didn't write our own vows. Out of the dozens of weddings I've been to, only one couple wrote their own vows (and I was not a fan of their vows). We actually ended up using my parents' vows. We looked at a whole bunch of vows for options (or to mix and match) and nothing was more appropriate for us than my parents' vows. There are many ways to make a ceremony personal to you other than writing your own vows. I suggest you discuss your concerns with your officiant. And maybe add paging Celia to your title as she is one of the ceremony experts on this forum.

We married at the courthouse, so we had a super basic/generic ceremony. It was still very special, because of what was happening. We are renewing our vows and hired an officiant to write a ceremony for us this time, because it's important for us to have a meaningful ceremony in front of family and friends.

We didn't write our own vows, we just picked through our officiants prior ceremonies and selected the wording that we liked best.

Our ceremony was maybe 15 minutes including walking in and out. I heard nothing negative about the short length, only positives!

We've decided to just use the traditional vows! I'm extremely sensitive so I would be ugly crying the entire time and I would rather not do that in front of 150 people. We're going to do personal letters for the morning of instead.

I'm hoping for a ceremony less then or equal to 30 minutes. We aren't writing our own vows either ANNND we hired our officiant (we didn't actually know her). I feel fine with all those aspects because I can't imagine standing up in front of all my friends and family for any longer and getting it together enough to croak out MY thoughts towards my FH. No. Hard pass.

I haven't thought about this too much, but also will probably just go with traditional vows. I'm a professional writer too, but the idea of writing vows is a little overwhelming to me, not to mention actually having to say them out loud. I always tell FH - I'm a writer, not a speaker; I'm much better in print.

We were married by a judge--he did personalize some stuff for us, since he is a family friend of H's, but it was mostly very generic/traditional. we asked him to omit some pieces (ie some of the "honour and obey" language which didn't really reflect our approach to partnership, and about bearing children, since that's not in our plan) but otherwise it was pretty much by the book. i had no interest in writing my own vows--i knew i'd be emotional during the ceremony and wanted to keep it short and sweet. we loved the traditional vows and the brevity of it all.

I don't necessarily think that writing your own vows is a line in the sand; I'd say about half of my couples do it, but I want them to feel comfortable about their choice. Our vows are not THAT traditional, but they do have gravity. And no obeying...

The five minute ceremony? Personally, I'm not into it, (which shouldn't be that unexpected.....considering...)

Your ceremony IS for you, but it's also important to your guests, which is why they are there, in theory. Depending on what you choose to add (remembrance moments, presentation/support of the parents/significant relatives, unity rituals) ideally we strive for 15-25 minutes. More than that is too much (unless you're doing a mass). Keep in mind that most venues, even if they give you an hour total for the ceremony, expect a half hour including the processional. The rest is either a mini cocktail hour or gathering time.

A great ceremony starts your day off in a great way. Ideally, it's not 'the thing they have to sit through' as payment for a glass of wine....

We got married at City Hall, with less than a week's notice. We didn't even know who the officiant was going to be or what the vows were. To be fair, it wasn't something we were stressing about because we knew we were doing a church wedding later and we consider those the more important vows. But I teared up anyway, and all of the 6 family/friends that were there were also teary. It was special and emotional because of what was happening, not the words that were being said.

If you don't want to write your own vows, don't. I think they can be incredibly special and meaningful when they're customized, but your guests will be moved by the fact that you are getting married, regardless of what is being said.

I originally wanted to write our own vows, but my fiance didn't want to. He thought that stuff should be private, not to mention he was probably just too nervous to do it.

So we didn't do them, but I did write a lot of the actual ceremony our officiant read! Added in stuff about the land we purchased and the house we're building and future kids chasing fireflies and getting muddy on said land where we'll build our life together, etc. Mentioned how our rings are made from that land too.

It was super quick, like 10-15 minutes (would have been quicker if I hadn't dropped the ring and had to watch our groomsmen dive almost off the mountain for it).

We are not writing ours and most weddings I have been to the couples have not, but I think its fine either way. Totally your choice. Were planning on a 15 minute ceremony - I don't think anyone will be disappointed.

We didn't write our own vows. I felt like having standard vows was more timeless. What we want is for people to remember their own weddings, and feel like they are part of a tradition that will motivate them to support our marriage. Too often, self written vows are too silly, too topical, too boring, too sappy, or whatever.

We're not writing our own. FH is not religious and I am, so our friend is officiating - because it means more to him to make a promise to me and his friend than it would to promise to a god he doesn't believe in. However, we will have religious references throughout the evening, because both of our families are religious. So much so, that I went to a wedding last month with my mother, and she was offended and said it "wasn't right" that they never mentioned anything religious even once. Oh boy - we're in for the long haul. (Neither of our families know FH is an atheist.)

FWIW, I've never attended a wedding where the bride and groom did write their own vows! So don't sweat it. Your guests will NOT think you're taking a shortcut! We aren't writing ours either.

Thanks for all the input, guys!

We are doing traditional vows, FH isn't a super emotional person and said he didn't want to add to the pressure/stress by writing our own vows and I agree