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Expert October 2020

Jealous sister bridesmaid

Futuremrsm, on July 15, 2020 at 2:38 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

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So i have about 3 months to my wedding which is exciting!

I chose to have my sister as a bridesmaid because I felt like if I didn't it would cause family drama. Both my mom and grandmom basically talked me into asking her, and I 100% regret it. Since I got engaged she's just been acting jealous and rude. I think its due to the fact that I'm younger and getting married first. She has always treated our lives as a competition since we were little.
For a bit we were getting along. I would go over her house to hang out, we would go shopping and stuff, but since I asked her to be my bridesmaid she's just been rude.
When i asked her to be a bridesmaid her response was basically "i guess". She's complained about almost everything. My cousin had her reception the same place im having mine. My sister keeps telling me how disgusting the food was for her wedding and she's not looking forward to dinner. Shes had cake from where we're getting ours and said she won't be eating our cake because she knows it'll be gross. She was an hour late to picking out bridesmaid dresses. She fights my MOH on everything, and is now complaining about my bridal shower that I have no hand in planning.
I talked to my mom about it and her response was "stop talking to her about wedding stuff". Like she's my bridesmaid and my sister? If she was normal she should be excited for me? I understand now that I should have never asked her to be a bridesmaid, but its too close now to change my mind. Any advice on how to deal with her before the day so i don't completely blow up??

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Jodie, on July 16, 2020 at 5:01 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 15, 2020 at 2:44 PM
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Just don’t engage her. Just because she’s your sister and you’re getting married, doesn’t mean she’s going to change who she is as a person. If she’s always been competitive with you, she’ll continue to be so ignore her and keep her at a distance with the rest of your planning/events.
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Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on July 15, 2020 at 2:45 PM
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Your mother is right. She can’t have a negative reaction to Information she isn’t getting. Stop communicating with her unless you must a d when you do keep it short and to the point. The moment she starts being negative cut the conversation.
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Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on July 15, 2020 at 2:45 PM
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That was my plan, I'm just not talking wedding with her anymore. Thankfully I have an assertive MOH who said she's keeping her in check lol
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on July 15, 2020 at 2:46 PM
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First, wow, I'm so sorry.
You could do as your mom says and stop sharing. Do you think she's upset that you asked her to be a BM versus MOH? Everything you're saying definitely sounds like jealousy but also sounds like hurt that you only thought of her as a BM.
Personally, I'd confront her (nicely) and ask her what her problem is, and what can you do to help make things better between the two of you. Let her know that maybe the cake she had was a bad one, things change. Perhaps the chef is new at the venue - but if she's bringing you down and the vibe, I'd seriously consider asking her to step down. But knowing if you do that, you'll probably ruin what little relationship you have left.
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Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on July 15, 2020 at 2:48 PM
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I dont think shes mad shes not MOH. we've never been close sister and I think there was no question from anyone I would choose my best friend to be my MOH. she told me that if I wasn't her sister she would have said no to being in a wedding. I really think she's just mad im getting married first because shes been bugging her BF to propose for years
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on July 15, 2020 at 3:09 PM
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Well, then it sounds like the issue is with her. Ask her if she wants to bow out and no hard feelings if she does (if you feel that way). Get rid of that negativity, you don't need it.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 15, 2020 at 3:11 PM
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I would listen your mom's advice. My sister was my maid of honor, but I hardly talked to her about my wedding. My sister has always been about herself and what she wants. She is younger than me, but she has made everything a competition between me, her and our younger brother. She forced her now ex-fiance to propose to her just because my brother was getting engaged. She has always done things like that. She also didn't seem all that excited for me to get married or when I asked her to be in the wedding. On the other hand, my sister-in-law (bridesmaid) was so helpful when it came to planning my wedding. I relied a lot on her even though she wasn't my maid of honor. She would often call me once a week just to see if there was anything I needed or wanted her to do. So I definitely know what you are going through.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 15, 2020 at 3:21 PM
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Man that sounds really annoying though of her but your mom has some good advice.
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Super August 2020
Emily · on July 15, 2020 at 4:29 PM
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I’m so sorry girl. Honestly my sister has been the same way. I got the same advice “just leave her out of wedding talk” we’ll then I would feel guilty and try to talk to her about wedding stuff again bc she acted like she was left out then when I would she’d just be mean again. We left off with my mom and dad literally telling her to be nice and now I get “omg your day will be so perfect” on everything lol.
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Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on July 15, 2020 at 4:36 PM
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See i think my mom just not saying anything to her is the problem. If I tell my sister she's being ridiculous she's like whatever, but my sister loves and respects my mom so I feel like if my mom said something to her she would be nicer. Oh well
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Expert August 2020
Jodie · on July 15, 2020 at 4:56 PM
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I personally would sit her down and say "look, I don't know why you are so negative about everything, but I would appreciate you not talking that way about my wedding. If you think it will be so terrible, please do everyone a favor and step down from being a bridesmaid and either come as a guest, or not at all. I don't need that kind of behavior in my life. If you don't want to step down then suck it up, Buttercup and keep your mouth shut because it is not all about you." But then again, I'm a very blunt person who doesn't sugarcoat things...
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Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on July 15, 2020 at 4:57 PM
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Trust me I'm usually very blunt too, but I'm sure if I did that my family would make me the bad person in the situation
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Super September 2020
Leanne · on July 15, 2020 at 6:35 PM
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Sooo my sister and I are very different on some things, and she’s my only bridesmaid (MOH technically). She got engaged after me, but rushed and had her wedding before me. So now my wedding is postponed because of Covid. I have not gotten any input from her about my wedding or even how it’s going. That being said, I also knew going into this she and I do not have the same eye for design or events or style. Maybe take your mom’s advice and just not have conversations with her about the wedding. I would lean on your other bridesmaids more, and ask them to help be a buffer on the wedding day and other events so you can enjoy your special day.
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Expert August 2020
Jodie · on July 16, 2020 at 5:01 PM
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See, that's where I stop caring. If they want to make me out to be the bad guy for not wanting toxic, negative people in my life, that's fine. I'd happily play that role to ensure the remainder of my sanity stays in tact. I've been through hell and back with the toxic people in my life and I have fought to get to where I am today. I won't let anyone push me back to where I was before.
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