My FH and I have been together for 8 years total. We got engaged just before our 8 yr anniversary. During the course of our long relationship we have experienced a lot of things--jealousy, anger, insecurity, intimacy issues, trust issues, etc. We have gone to therapists to work on these issues and made some progress. However I cant seem to get over the jealousy and trust issue. I have been lied to and cheated on numerous times in the past and even though FH is not my exs it is still something I experienced and am on alert for. Was blindsided so many times in the past.
I am working very hard on my jealousy/trust issues but FH is not making it easy for me. He goes out on a regular basis to a bar for drinks and dinner with the same 2 friends. 1 Friend I do not like---he is always looking for his booty call that night and he is the typical bad boy look (shaved head, tats, smokes) My FH is the typical good boy look. I always feel it depends on what the girl is into at the moment. I don't care that he goes out, I just get concerned when he is basically representing himself as single. He doesn't mention he has a GF or Fiancé unless asked specifically. Its not like he is hiding it but he is also not truthfully representing. That worries me. FH enjoys the attention...any attention. I am the opposite. When I go out with friends...a lot less often than him...I usually mention my BF or Fiancé within the first sentence just to set the ground. I'm fine continuing a conversation with the person just don't want to lead them on. My FH plays the naïve card. Says not every girl who talks to him is interested in getting with him. I said if the girl is not taking your order or serving you a drink and they are engaging in a conversation with you they are interested...especially since she thinks you are single.
Since we got engaged it has been a little bit better. He was also going to bars that know me and him are together. Well this new bar opened up around the corner from our house. Him and his bad boy friend go there practically 3 times a week. The bartenders already know them. The place has only been open 2 months. It is also in a college town. It was bothering me a little that he was going to this bar so much and knowing how he is not forthcoming with his personal life my mind started spinning....prob making things up because of my jealousy issues. Well last night I finally went with them to the bar. Got a few weird looks from the female bartenders who practically looked me up and down. And when one of them came over to talk to them I felt completely invisible. She barely looked at me. I tried my hardest to include myself in their conversation but was getting frustrated with them and myself. Was also kind of upset with my FH not introducing me and then I was upset with the bartender not greeting me. She obviously has a friendly relationship with my FH and his friend, why wouldn't she introduce herself to me. My FH also told me that his friend supposedly told her he was engaged. This bartender also has a BF.
I just felt so out of place last night. Didn't like how hard I was trying to be a part of their conversation and impress this bartender. I didn't feel like FH was proud/happy to have me there or show me off. I tried to be as nice as I could be. I used to be a bartender and I would engage both parts of the couple in the conversation so they would both be comfortable and no one would have jealous issues. Well after we got home FH and I got into an argument. He didn't see any problem. I told him how he seemed to act different when the bartender came by to talk and that he also made me feel invisible by not introducing me as his fiancé that the bartender supposedly knew.
I don't know what to think. I know I am overreacting a bit but also some aspects are warranted. I tried talking to FH last night and it got heated and he slept on the couch. Any advice??? Hate feeling like this and putting FH through this.