Jack and Jill/bridal Shower question

You shouldn’t have a jack and Jill because it’s rude to charge admission to a party you’re hosting so you can make money to pay for your wedding.

Don't host an event to raise money for your wedding. If your mom would like to host a lovely couples shower, that would be great. If not, either suck it up and let her have the bridal shower, or decline it all together. Don't host your own, no matter what you call it, and FFS don't CHARGE people to attend it.

Jack and Jill's are rude. Let whoever wants to throw the bridal shower throw the bridal shower. Your FH can attend or you can do it co-ed.

Is a Jack and Jill shower a fund raiser where you live? If so, don't have it. These things are known by different names, like stag and doe or Jack and Jill.

If you are truly proposing that you host a co-ed shower for yourselves, don't have it. Adults do not host gift giving parties in their own honor. If no one wants to host a co-ed shower for you, you don;t get one.

If you don't want a traditional bridal shower, decline and have no shower.

Sorry I think mom is right. You need to step back. You don’t get to pick where it’s hosted much less host it yourself.

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She said "I don't expect people to buy a gift for the bridal shower and pay to go to the Jack and Jill as well" so I'm assuming it's the fundraiser type of Jack and Jill.

In some areas a Jack and Jill shower just means a co-ed shower...not to be mistaken with a fundraiser which of course is not OK under any circumstances.

OP mentioned she doesn’t expect people to get a gift for the shower and pay to attend the jack and Jill, which means they’re charging.

Since you mentioned guests having to pay to go to the Jack and Jill, I’m assuming it’s that thing where you charge people to come to your self-hosted party. This is rude and tacky. If you can’t afford to pay for your wedding, cut your guest list and have a small ceremony and take your closest family to dinner to celebrate. Have a vow renewal when you can afford it. Don’t throw a Jack and Jill.

I think we need some clarification on Jack and Jill... I assumed it just meant co-ed, and maybe OP means "pay" as in bring another gift? Either way, your mom (or someone else besides you who offers) gets to decide the venue for the party they are hosting. I don't think it is wrong to ask for it to be co-ed and to have involvement with the guest list, but this is a party thrown in your honor and it is not polite to host it yourself.

Jesus Christ I didn't know Jack and Jills were so frowned upon. We've been to so many that we just thought this was standard? We had one friend who tried to do a Jack and Jill shower but ultimately it was just a bridal shower with guys there and all the guys were bored since they had to watch the couple open presents for an hour.

So then my next question is...if Jack and Jills are so frowned upon why is having a bridal shower and stag ok? Isn't it the same...money is being raised but it's just the guy doing it? Honest question...I'm confused by this now.

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A shower is thrown by someone else in your honor, and physical gifts are given, not cash. Not sure what a stag is, but showers can be for the bride or co-ed (or I guess could be thrown for a groom, but that's not as common.) I think there was a thread a while ago where one was thrown for two grooms, which I thought was lovely they had friends who wanted to do that for them. Bottom line is that it's ok as long as it's NOT hosted by the guest of honor.

Having a stag with the purpose of money being raised isn’t ok. Bridal showers are for physical gifts for the couple to use in their home.

A bridal shower is hosted by someone other than yourself and the purpose is to shower the bride with gifts. You do not charge people to come, you do not charge people for raffle prizes. Sometimes the host may have little gifts for a game winner.

A couples shower is hosted hosted by someone other than the bride and groom and the purpose is to shower to the bride and groom with gifts. You do not charge people to come, you do not charge people for raffle prizes. Sometimes the host may have little gifts for a game winner.

A stag, where I’m from, is a bachelor party and the groom goes out with all his guy friends and drinks and has fun and does whatever they want to do. A stag is planned by someone other than the groom, usually the best man or groomsmen.

A stag, where the groom is raising money, is not okay because he’s throwing a party in his honor and asking people to give him money to pay for his wedding.

A jack amd jill, where you are charging money for admission, charging money for raffle tickets, and having guests bring raffle prizes is not okay because you are not a charity. I love bridal showers and couples showers and think they’re fun. I would not go to a jack and Jill where I have to open my wallet multiple times to help someone pay for their party. I cannot even imagine having to throw an event where I have to ask my friends and family to give me money for my wedding. I would be so embarrassed.

If someone invites me to a jack and Jill where I had to pay admission/raffles to give them money for their wedding, I would 100% NOT GO. That is so freaking rude. So rude.

I have never heard of a jack and jill shower. We had a coed shower back in 1994, no admission was charged, it was just a shower for the two of us. No one had to pay to get in!

OP - do not have a fundraiser, a raffle, charge anyone anything for anything in regards to your wedding.

You want a couples shower? Go ahead - just invite people to show up, not charge them to get in the door. A bridal shower with just you? Fine again - just no charging anyone for anything.

Never heard of stag or doe, unless you are talking a stag party where the guys go out a la bachelor party.

This kind of fundraiser party is semi-common where i live (Ontario Canada) but still soooo super tacky. they're often called Stag and Doe. it is so rude to ask other people to pay admission for a party to fund your wedding, especially when some of them won't be invited to your actual wedding (also a common occurrence for S&Ds around here). this should not be confused with a co-ed shower, which can be a lovely way to celebrate with your friends and family.

Ok, first of all. I think Jack and Jills', Stag and Doe's, Stag and Drag's are fine! They're fun, and there's lots of drinking and liquor involved.

I'm not so sure about putting the two together since, to me, a bridal shower is more formal and a J/J is more casual (depending on where you're having it i guess).

But seriously, it's your wedding, do whatever you want. Have that jack and jill/bridal shower combo (just maybe open your gifts at home?)

You shouldn't be planning your shower. Your respective mothers are right to be upset that you're trying to plan instead of letting them. Fundraising events for weddings are generally seen as tacky so I don't blame your mom for not understanding these. I would step back and allow them to continue planning the shower the way they want and be gracious and appreciative of their efforts. There are many couples on here who don't even have showers because their loved ones didn't offer one.

Thanks for the clarification of the Jack and Jill not being a couples shower. I thought they were the same thing.