Jack and Jill

Do what you want and forget what everyone else thinks. I would still do a registry for those who would rather give an actual gift though.

If you're not planning it and not supposed to know about it, don't worry about etiquette...it should be clear to everyone that it's not your problem. Enjoy the party!

Hahaah very true thank you both!!! And yes we are going to register for a few things

The rule of thumb is: if they are invited to any wedding related event, they should be invited to the wedding. This includes engagement parties, bachlorette/bachlor parties, wedding showers, bridal showers, jack and jills, dress rehearsals, dress shopping, etc.

HOWEVER, do what ever feels right to you!

This sounds like a bad idea twice over-- first, hitting up guests for money, and THEN asking people who aren't even guests for money. It's totally up to you, but I'd put the brakes on it.

^^ yup, totally agree. Generally "do whatever you want, it's your wedding" is NOT good advice because your wedding is never just about you. Plus, is sounds like YOU don't feel right about this party and recognize that it isn't a good idea. Go with your gut.

The best etiquette on that sort of party is not to have one.

I don't think it's wrong to have a Jack and Jill, but I do think its wrong to invite people who are not invited to the wedding. I also would not recommend throwing a party asking guests to contribute to your honeymoon, but since you're not the ones planning it that's not really your problem.

What Erin and Emily said. Jack N Jill parties are highly regional. If you don't live in one of these regions, you will offend the hell out of everyone. Even if you DO live in one of these regions, I would advise against it because they are just one big etiquette clusterf*ck.

I meant not to worry about what WW thinks, but thank you etiquette queens.

I have been to a few jack n Jills. Its basically like a co-ed shower and everyone wins raffles, eats food, drinks, etc...Around NH (I thought anyway lol ) its common and people love them. The ticket money would go to the bride n groom because they are not having a bridal shower, and do not expect anything else. So if you think about it, if tickets are $10.00 each they are actually saving money by not buying a gift that's 50 bucks...I just don't like that some people I couldn't invite to the wedding will be asked to come to the JJ , not too keen on the invite situation. Its rude. Thanks for ALL the advice!

The OP did ask what the proper etiquette was @FutureMRSღ

I don't think a Jack and Jill shower is associated with monetary presents at all...unless that's what you are doing (which I find tacky...sorry).

I am having a Jack and Jill shower meaning guys and girls are invited. We have a registry though.

I think what you're describing is a "buck and doe" or something to that effect...which is not heard of where I live so I think it's not a good idea.

^^ fundraising parties are called different things in different regions. Stag and Doe, Jack and Jill, Buck and Doe, and Social are all terms used for those parties depending on the region and social norms.

They can also mean just a co-ed shower, but that isn't how the OP is using the term.

Since you aren't the one hosting or planning, and you didn't even suggest it, I don't think you can really follow typical wedding etiquette. Short of telling FFIL and BM not to do it at all or not show up, there isn't much you can do.

Personally I think Stag parties are a fun idea, but they aren't really popular where I live. I didn't even know about them until last year.

Jack and Jills are awesome if done right. It's a chance for everyone to hang out together and have a good time!!

How about a Jack and Jill where nobody gives you physical gifts or monetary gifts?

That's what I'm doing with my guy. Of course, everyone invited is invited to the wedding too. You can have a killer party, but not add any registry info and spread by word of mouth that gifts aren't expected. You can also just call it a pre-wedding party instead of Jack and Jill, if you like.

Mine is August 2nd and I cannot wait ! :-)

Do what makes you happy.... a Jack and Jill is great fun for the non traditional bride and groom. If you are concerned about non wedding invitees being offended ask them first if they'd like to be invited. If they say no then keep it moving. You can't please everyone. This is your day...

We are having a jack and jill stag/stagette party. It's not really crazy or anything. We are just all watching a night improv show and have a few drinks and then the guys split off from the girls afterwards. To be honest, I haven't even though about gifts. We both just want to party. I don't think we even asked anyone to bring gifts.

Honestly, if there is good reason why they are not invited like lack of space or intimate wedding or something like that, most people understand why they would not be invited to your wedding. Most friends will come party with you regardless of whether they were invited or not to the actual "formal wedding" because they are genuinely happy for you and want to celebrate your special occasion.

If some people are offended then whatever. They're not obligated to go party and move on to someone else who is happy enough to celebrate with you.

SharSam... I agree with you completely. I am having a couple shower and everyone is really excited just to celebrate with us. Most folks just dont get it because they are stuck on wedding etiquette (who created the etiquette and how long ago was it created) Your wedding and pre-wedding festivities should be whatever YOU want them to be. Everyone else will either fall in line or fall off... and there you have a clear vision of your real freinds.