It's 2020: Is it still "rude" to invite people to the dance only?

Yep, still considered rude. It's essentially saying that they're not good enough to pay for a meal. Yes, you'll still have some food available, but I would be very offended if I found out that I was only invited to the end of the wedding.

Yes, it’s still very rude. Guests should be invited to the entire event or none of it.

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I agree with Nicole. I would be very hurt if I was friend of yours who was only invited to the "dance" and found out others were fully hosted! Don't make people you care about feel like a second choice. You should fully host only those you can afford to. People won't be mad at you for that!

Personally I think it would be weird BUT I don’t think I’d mind going anyway

I don't know what the year has to do with it. The rudeness comes from inviting some guests to all of an event and other guests to only part of the SAME event. If you have a small, family-only ceremony and dinner on one day and then a bigger party on another day, that is a completely different thing.

Remember that everyone (well nearly everyone) has a budget and has to make decisions about costs and number of guests. It's completely fine to limit your guest list to those you can afford to host.

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I went back to previous years regarding this topic, wondering if anything has changed.

Thanks for the feedback!

Apparently this tradition is common in Europe but not the U.S. so I appreciate the insight!

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Thanks Nicole!

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Thanks Jennifer! Yeah, it's definitely not our intention to make anyone feel like "second choice." I guess now it's going to come down to solidifying a smaller list.

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For sure! Best of luck planning your dream day!

I think it depends on your friend/family group and regional traditions. If I was invited to a wedding after the ceremony & dinner, I'd be super offended. I didn't even know that was a thing people did.

It is not just weddings. Any party, or dinner party, or event followed by one, it is rude to have two levels of invitations. Those who get everything, and those given half as much, not worth as much. It is that message that is rude. ******** However, that only holds for the reception part. When the first part is a ceremony, a wedding, religious ceremony like baptism or confirmation, or a graduation, it has always been seen as okay to invite just closest family and maybe a very few friends to that. Either because it is more private, for family or religion. And symbolic. Or else because it is part of a bigger thing like a college graduation with many graduates, few guests each. But for any reception, or cocktail hour preceding dinner, and dinner followed by dancing, everyone invited to that part gets the whole thing. Everyone invited to the ceremony must be invited. And all at the reception or party must be welcome from beginning to end. No second class, or 2 level, or two tiered parties. All are offered everything . Now if an individual guest can only come late, fine. But they are invited to it all.

I think it depends WHO you are inviting. I have a friend who was recently invited to only the dancing/after dinner and she was actually relieved - she was able to show her support and have fun but not the entire commitment of the evening. If it is significant others that you do not know, younger cousins, casual friends/colleagues - I don't think a huge deal.

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Very going points and comparisons. Thank you, Judith!

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Thanks Anna! That's good to know!

View Quoted Comment This is a tradition in Europe! When I first heard about it I was a little weirded out but it does kinda make sense.


Unfortunately, it is not a tradition in the U.S. so I have to say it would be rude to do this.

View Quoted Comment Many parts of Europe, even the Republic's and definitely the monarchies, the societies cater to royalty, those with titles, and aristocrats or blue bloods are routinely given the best and the most in everything. Including how they are treated socially. And if you have multiple friends, it is common that you see them side by side, at an affair, being given things of different quality by their mutual friends. These friends are high class, give them everything. These are lower class, or not as close, give them half of everything. Or give them the seats where you cannot see, but charge them the same. The US has classes, too. But centered more around money, and celebrity. But the fiction that we are all equal, and treated equally, is deeply embedded in social manners, or etiquette. When it comes to things money cannot buy, friendship, religious observances, normal goods and services, and family or friends oriented things, most people find it rude or insulting to give much more to some than others, intentionally, like tiered parties. Or serving the good liquor to some, and cheap stuff to others, when all was provided by a host ( not paying by the item.) I have family and friends in several places in Europe. And find the divisions got under my skin, as I do here when people are not treated as equals. At work and school, in different countries, it was pervasive.

PS- in England and many countries on the continent, it was tradition for Dukes and Earl s and various minor titled folks, or the rich, after weddings, to invite the VIPs to dinner, and when they went off to socialize, the commoners were allowed to come in for the leftovers, and enjoy music and dancing. The good liquor, expensive cigars or caviar, and silver and China that were valuable, we're put away too. Too good for commoners. That stuff used to make me grit my teeth.

I kind of dont agree with pp its only rude to a certain degree. If you are inviting close
family only to the dance portion then they might feel some way about not getting invited to the actual wedding. For friends Again if its your closest friends they will also feel like its rude. But for example my FH has lotsss of friends. A handful of them aren’t going to show up for the ceremony and some might not even show up by dinner. His friends are kind of a ghetto crowd i guess is the easiest way to explain it because of where we live. Some of these friends have no problem being told to show up when the “party” portion of the reception is starting (which we have done before, FHs friends wedding). I also wouldn’t mind being invited to the latter portion of the reception but not if its someone im really close to.

Its really a know your crowd type of thing.

Yes it is. If you can't host everyone for the entire event, just don't invite them at all.