Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

V
Beginner May 2018

Issues with future mil & mother/son dance

Veronica , on March 19, 2018 at 3:05 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
Hello everyone, I’m looking for advice! My future mother in law is driving me crazy. She wants everything done her way even though me and my fiancé are paying for 90% of the wedding. She recently showed me the song she picked for the mother/son dance and i found myself being offended. Throughout the song there’s lyrics like “i will never put no one above my mama, not even my girl” “there is no one like my mama, no one will take her place and my girl must understand my mom is my First Lady” something among those lines. I don’t wanna sound dramatic I get it that’s his mom and all but I just feel weird having that played at my wedding. I told my fiancé about this but he doesn’t think it’s a big deal and he doesn’t want to upset his mom because “she’s used to getting her way” what should I do? I’m a pushover I don’t wanna say no to her especially because that’s their moment but i also don’t want to feel offended on MY day

15 Comments

Latest activity by MayBride2018, on March 20, 2018 at 11:39 PM
  • KPTheCheeto
    Devoted December 2019
    KPTheCheeto ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Hey Veronica, it's Veronica! Lol

    Okay but seriously I understand what you're saying of how that could be offensive. I don't know anything about your backstory, but if this were me I would be annoyed but let it go. I mean this woman raised the man you're head over heels for so although it's your day, it wouldn't be your day if she never gave birth to him. It's probably hard for her to let go of her son and maybe she's bitter about it but I would just let her have this moment. It will go by quick, it will make her happy and it will avoid more problems.

    Now if she starts to be a serious dictator about things like telling people they're invited when they're not or telling you FH to go behind your back, that's a different story you know?

    Also I would prepare for some unfavorable comments about this....people on here are intense about certain topics and I can see this being one. Just my opinion!
    • Reply
  • S
    Expert July 2017
    SaraBear ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Honestly, I think you’re taking the lyrics too seriously. I looked up the song and it’s quite beautiful. The parts you’re worried about are only in the first verse. Technically, his mom was the First Lady in his life and the rest of the song just kinda says he’s proud of his mom and where would he be without her. The lyrics in my father/daughter song included “I got two strong arms waiting to hold you when those mean days come along” but no one interpreted that as my dad will be there for me because my husband won’t. If your FH is okay with it, I would just let her have the song. It’s going to be hard for you and/or your FH to tell her they can’t do that song because you’re now the most important in his life. Of course you are and a song isn’t going to change that. If she usually gets her way, you’re going to have to pick your battles and this sounds too silly to get stressed over.
    • Reply
  • J
    Expert June 2018
    Jamie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    My FMIL didn't pick the mother/ son song. I feel that song should be picked by the FH. Most likely no one will be listening to the words of the song. But if you have friends like mine. They will listen and thats probably what my friends would remember from the wedding.
    • Reply
  • magnolia5
    VIP June 2019
    magnolia5 ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I've never heard the song. I'm going off of the lyrics you posted.

    I'd have an issue with the lyrics, especially after my FH just said his vows to me. You're no longer his girl, you're his wife at this point.

    I'm concerned that you've expressed you're bothered by the lyrics and FH isn't willing to stand up to his mom about this. I would have FH choose a different song (which you can help him choose if you want) and have him go to her and tell her what they will be dancing to.
    • Reply
  • Jo
    WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
    Jo ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I can totally see how that feels a little weird, but remember that SHE chose the song, not your FH. Those lyrics may be how she feels, but they are not an indication of how he feels or how he will prioritize you during your marriage. Maybe she believes he should put her first before you, maybe she just likes the song, maybe she picked it out of a hat and hasn't paid close attention to the lyrics at all... it's a little weird, but I would let her have this one and be confident in your FH's love and feelings for you. Your guests probably won't notice either.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP September 2018
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Honestly the mother/son dance is between the mother and the son. I think you need to sit this one out. I think the song my FH chose for his mom is a little bit too much like a lullaby and not a song for a grown adult but hey, it’s his dance not mine.
    • Reply
  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Sorry but you're over reacting just a bit. It's just a song, and those are just lyrics. No one is going to be listening or paying attention that closely.


    I would let it go. This is not a hill to die on. It's just a song that your FH did not even pick out himself.

    • Reply
  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I get not loving it, but I'd let this one slide. The one thing that worries me is that your FH said he didn't think it was a big deal but wants to let it go because his mom is used to getting what she wants. Let her have this one but I would make sure that you and your fiance prepare to fight more important battles as life goes on. This isn't a hill to die on, but when one comes up, be ready to fight.

    My husband's sister wanted to do a spotlight dance with him. He was very uncomfortable so I made it so the DJ would play the osng later in the night and anyone could dance with them. There wasn't really anyone else dancing at the time, but no one noticed or thought it was weird.

    • Reply
  • HufflePuffin
    Devoted June 2018
    HufflePuffin ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    "...he doesn't want to upset his mom because 'she's used to getting her way'..."


    RED FLAG! Get yourself over to www.reddit.com/r/justnomil and nip this behavior in the bud! You should come first, always! And that song is super inappropriate.


    • Reply
  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    The lyrics are little strange, but it's a song. As long as your FH doesn't live in accord with the lyrics you're fine. Let FMIL have the song. You'll have the man.

    • Reply
  • Ashley
    VIP December 2018
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Uhh no. No no no. I would not be okay with that. I would be uncomfortable and feel like it's a bit of a slap to the face. Honoring her is important, but also, it's a celebration of your marriage. Mentioning that she should get it because she's "used to getting her way" would just make me want to super not let her have this. Ew.

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I would want to make sure that your FH doesn't believe those lyrics especially after you raised the point to him and he seemed to dismiss your concerns saying she's used to getting her way.

    • Reply
  • Casey
    VIP December 2018
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I take issue with the lyrics too. You’re not crazy. If I was in your position, I’d be like “absolutely not.” Songs and sing lyrics matter.
    • Reply
  • K&M
    Dedicated August 2018
    K&M ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Dude.... that would be so uncomfortable. No way.

    • Reply
  • M
    Savvy May 2018
    MayBride2018 ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I just ignore mine when she brought this up as well. She is used to getting her way as well. His mom is out of control sometimes. I just picked the song myself and her son my fiancé agreed to the song. He wanted something simple and short. He does not feel like he's close to his mom and does not want a song that requires a lot of moves.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics