Issues with family’s opinions

Is this wedding choices specifically or is it a deeper issue that needs to be addressed? What do they have such a problem with exactly?


As the couple getting married, as long as you are a courteous gracious host, the details are not up for judgment. There comes a point where you need to stop sharing information and it sounds like this is the case. You are paying yourselves without any help from parents and others? If so, everyone else needs to respect you and your choices. Parents/grandparents/in-laws have already gotten married so their opportunity to plan is long past, and those whose are not married can do their own thing when it is their turn. If they truly can’t stand your choices and will not respect you in that situation, they do have the right to stay home and not attend. However be prepared for equal judgment after the wedding with other life choices. Set and maintain boundaries as a team with fiancé. Repeat over and over “we will take that into consideration” and do what you have already planned without sharing further details. If the judgment boils into harassment, you limit contact.
Family and best friends are supposed to support you. It’s so messed up that they refuse to and are making you feel inferior at what should be a happy celebration. Some people are so unhappy that they want everyone around them to be miserable too. Do you have good relationships outside of wedding planning? If so, that is very strange and uncalled for. Sending you good vibes and your wedding will be awesome no matter what.

I don't think you need approval from anyone, as long as you're within etiquette.

Yes, I have heard many disagreements and reasons why I should do something different. By the end of it I talk to FH and get his opinion and by the end of the day I say welp to them and keep on planning. It's not their wedding, it's ours. We are the ones planning, having nightmares, stressing, looking for the dress that makes us look beautiful, we are the one paying all this money for our day. Others well not go back to look at pictures or watch the videos on anniversary days or have the regrets about not liking something. Talk to you partner and see what he thinks, if he tells you it is you/y'all day then don't worry about what others have to say. If your MIL wants to hold a dress choice against you she will get over it later.

I understand where you are coming from. I have had my issues and I have only been engaged since oct 2021. Give them less information, tell them you want it to be a surprise. Less is more. Remember its YOUR day along with your Fiance. I know you wanna share everything because you are so excited, because I do the same. Everything will be fine. Don't worry about others they will ALWAYS have an opinion. Do what's best for you! Good luck babe.

The fact the mother in-law hates your dress is NOT your problem. Why would you pick another one to please her, since this is YOUR dress and you're the one who will wear it?
If everyone disagrees with your decisions: just don't care what they think, you should only care what your future husband thinks (if he has any opinions because some grooms couldn't care less when it comes to wedding planning).
The only thing that matters is pleasing you and your groom, no one else. Remind them, kindly but firmly, that it's your and your future husband's wedding, not theirs and if they don't like your vision it's too bad but they have been made and are not up for debate.

Last but not least: support from family doesn't mean they have to like your decisions, it means they should be happy for you and excited to celebrate you and your groom on the day of because you're about to make a big step in your life.

If you love your dress that’s all that matters

I get it. My friend laughed at me and my mother has so many backhand comments about everything I say I want for my wedding. When I told my bestfriend she told me “Remember this is YOUR wedding! Do what YOU want!” So, I tell people I don’t care about what they think, I’ll do as I please for my day. This is your wedding and your day! Do not change your dress or anything else for someone else! It’s not for them. I know it can be very upsetting but try to just let it roll off your shoulder!

Thank you so much for everyone’s sweet words. It means a lot to me!!
It’s hard because my mother in law has done so much to help us. And has helped with the venue and said that she wants to help with the catering. So it puts pressure on me to listen to her and Almost, in a way, do what she asks. Since she has helped so much. This is not the first time she has crossed a line and said something hurtful. We have had to have discussions about it in the past. She is just very very opinionated and is not one to let her opinions go unnoticed.. but I am genuinely considered about her making a fuss about decisions that my fiancé and I both agree on. With the music choices, beverages served (alcohol), etc. Sadly it doesn’t end with the dress. That was just a personal moment for me.
I talked to my fiancé and he does support me and I even had to show him the dress. He said it was beautiful.
But I definitely need to stop sharing and giving people an opportunity to state their opinions it seems. Just sad because, if anyone is like me, I’m doing everything I can myself to save money, and I love being crafty. So I’ve been exited for what I’ve accomplished and now I just don’t have that supportive group I had hoped to have.
But thank you all so much! And I hope everyone has an amazing beautiful day!!
Thank you again!! ❤️

View Quoted Comment I am sorry that you have had to struggle with this too! I know it is not fun! And that’s what my fiancé keeps telling me. I’m just learning I struggle with standing up for myself. But I definitely need to learn to be firm in my decisions!
I hope you have the most amazing day and that those that have not supported you, do!!

View Quoted Comment Thank you ma’am!! ❤️

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! ❤️ Congrats on the recent engagement and I hope that you are supported and enjoy your amazing day!

View Quoted Comment It took me a while to build up the courage to say it. Even if someone is helping you, that day is all for you and about you! Don’t let no one change your mind and you won’t regret nothing! Your wedding day will be everything you wished for! Thank you for your kind words! I hope you have an amazing day also and a beautiful wedding! ☺️

View Quoted Comment It’s not an easy thing for sure… but I really appreciate your support and encouragement!
And I appreciate it!! It’s going to be small and casual and hopefully drama free! Haha

I'm newly engaged and everyone is sending pictures of everything wedding. I politely let them know, I appreciate the assistance but at this time, I do not need any help. It is too overwhelming and guess what? It is not their wedding. If they want an opinion, they should do it at their wedding. I selected two people who are unbiased and supportive of what my vision is going to be. Everyone will have to anticipate the wait of the wedding. This way I don't have to worry about opinions. Unless someone is bringing a bag of money to the table their opinion doesn't matter. Plan your wedding the way you want how you want. Just draw the line in the sand for you own peace of mind. Share details with a few people. Let everyone else wait until the day arrives.

If you love your dress stay with it. Be firm and stand up for what you want. I am usually a people pleaser but one of my bridesmaids is absolutely amazing and she told me early on that this is the one time my fiance and I get to be selfish and do what we want. That helped me tremendously so when my mom went and looked at the venue I was interested in and she tried talking me into the place my sister used (cheaper but a completely different look than I want) I politely told her thank you but thats not really the look or feel I want to go with. She took it well. When you have your alterations done for the dress either go by yourself or else take someone who will only be supportive. Do not take someone who is going to try and make you doubt your choice.

View Quoted Comment Thank you ma'am! That I do smart! Sharing with my girls who support me and not everyone. That’s great advice! Thank you! ❤️

View Quoted Comment That’s awesome that you have that support!! And definitely will be going by myself for the alterations! Haha

Hey Lindsay,

you are definitely not the only one. We decided to share our date on Christmas so both families knew at the same time. My brother's fiance said they better get married before us, my brother responded thanks for that, my parents asked me not to talk about the wedding around them. They presently announced they are eloping in 3 months. Both sides are pushing back on me not wanting a shower, so I am getting one anyway. There are sadly other issues that I was hoping to avoid when we decided on honorary bridesmaids, no rehearsal dinner, no veil, and no kids. Thankfully my FH doesn't get bothered by these things. He informed them if they have an issue they can talk to him about it. No one wants to complain to him.

Perhaps that might help with your situation. As for your dress, do you love it? If so then that is all that matters. You should be happy and feel wonderful on your day. It seems there is no pleasing anyone. I have just been talking it out with my FH. Occasionally there are tears involved, but he helps me get through it. I know it is easier said than done, but don't let them steal what you and your FH want for your day. It comes down to your happiness and life together!

Hope all goes well!

Tina

View Quoted Comment Hey Tina, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with family issues as well! I know it is not fun and takes some joy out of it. But I love that your FH is supporting you and having your back! That is amazing and I’m glad you have such a great partner!
I hope people come around and start supporting y’all! You both deserve it!!
Thank you so much for the sweet words! He has stood up for us and our dream of our day. And I think it has helped some. And I hope it’s helps y’all too! And I do love the dress! So I am definitely going to keep it ❤️ I hope y’all have an amazing day! And I hope so much joy for you both!

View Quoted Comment Lindsay, thank you so much for your reply. You are very sweet! I do hope it works out for you as well.
I have added some self love things once a day. It has been a good stress relief on my end! I eithr look at a new positive quote, dance it out, do yoga, or meditate. When they get under my skin I think or which of those things I want to do as well as something I love about my FH and their issues seem to bother me less. Maybe that will also help you.