This is more a question for other second time brides. Is anyone else getting negativity from their families for having an actual wedding the second time around?
When I told my dad I was getting divorced a few years ago his initial response was about how he couldn't believe he raised a daughter who would do such a thing and how what did I do because it was clearly my fault. I also asked him to let me tell my extended family and he called me back 20 minutes after our first conversation saying that he had already told everyone because I had put him in a situation where he felt that was his only choice when it came to processing the situation himself. In terms of what I told my dad, my ex and I had agreed on a statement we would each give our families which was very neutral and not blaming of either party, more of a "hey we tried - not all things are meant to last" type of statement.
Fast forward - meet an awesome guy and we're now getting married. When I called to share the date with my dad his response was that he wasn't going to be paying for anything (which we had already decided we were paying for it ourselves) and that I shouldn't invite any of my cousins on his side of the family because it would just look like a gift grab on my part because they already came to my first wedding. Which I'm not close to any of them and already wasn't planning to invite them.
Yesterday, when he and I talked he asked if my fiancé had also been married before and I shared that he had (which I have told my dad before) and even though my internal voice told me to answer the question and leave it at that I inquired as to why he was asking. His response was that he and his lady friend were talking about how they only way us planning a wedding made sense was if he had not been previously married...
My dad and I have had a bit of a fraught relationship since my mom passed 5 months before my first wedding. I have had other friends have second weddings and no one thought twice from their parents to friends. My dad is also super liberal and always posting on social media about how we need to accept people for who they are, etc., which seems to apply to everyone except his divorced daughter.
I've done years of therapy re: my dad and other things he's said/done since my mom passed and the best strategy I currently have is to limit my interactions and the information I share with me. I am surrounded by other supportive friends and family and am doing my best to let this all roll off my back, but it's still got me down a bit. I've tried asking him his extreme negative reaction about my divorce and all I got was a "It's just wrong. It's not what you do."
I know that's a lot of background for the short question of is anyone dealing with this type of situation? And how are you coping?
