Isn't it rude to only rsvp for the reception but not ceremony?

I'm kind of one of those that don't really think it's rude. I know there's people who think it is because it feels like they're not partaking in the sentimental portion of the wedding. But some people just can't make it. I went to a wedding just yesterday where they had such a giant gap in between that the ceremony literally had like 20 guests and the reception had 180. I also asked guests to also be prompt for start time but I know that won't all happen ahah people sometimes don't take weddings as seriously as we would hope - also I was late to the ceremony yesterday due to traffic :x so I won't be so bad if others are late to mine

You said they have two teenagers. Maybe they have other obligations and this is the best they can do to come celebrate with you. You probably shouldn’t jump to conclusions. What you put on your website about it being guests fault they don’t get a photo with you is extremely rude. Also, as a guest, I’ve never been upset to not get a photo with the couple. I think you’re taking it a little too seriously.

In general, I do think it is rude. I understand circumstances where people aren't able to make it because something came up or their kid has a soccer game or something like that, but to not come because you don't want to is rude.

However, if someone has a big gap between their ceremony and cocktail hour/reception then you are basically asking people to skip the ceremony. Nobody is going to want to wait around for several hours doing nothing. In that case, I think the hosts are being more rude than the guests that skip.

It doesn’t matter how much time you give me to plan, my teenager is heavily involved in sports and that schedule changes constantly based on what tournament they qualify for or how they get seeded for the weekend.

I feel it's rude, but they might have something going on preventing them from attending the ceremony. Try to assume the best

I’m having a Friday wedding. So I’m expecting people to show for the reception and not the ceremony. Especially the people from work. I personally don’t find it rude. The church we are getting married at is very small so I wanted it for a more intimate setting. I know certain people will show for the ceremony and others will show for the reception only. I’m not bothered by it personally but it’s all your preference in this situation.

I agree that in general it seems rude to skip out on the ceremony and just attend the reception but like with most rules there are exceptions. A guest may have circumstances that prevent them in attending the ceremony no matter how much advanced notice they are given. I would not make sweeping judgements on all guests who don't show up to the ceremony without knowing what their reason(s) were.

I've personally never seen an RSVP for both events. Usually the reception is the only thing you need a guest count for. I wouldn't stress about it, people will do what people will do. In the end, you won't notice who came for what & you'll just be grateful for everyone there!

I do think that's rude. I'm on WW for RSVPs, so I didn't have that problem of them being able to rsvp for the reception only. I'm sorry honey! try not to stress and remember self care. who is supposed to be there will be there and the day is about you and your husband. you're right to say it shows you where they stand. not everyone around you is for you. much love.

I think it's rude, but wouldn't think it's personal. Having kids, especially teenagers means schedule changes all the time, it's probably not related to you.
That being said it's not unheard of to lock the doors after a certain point in time if guests don't show up, if your ceremony and reception are in the same place you can just as easily lock them out. 🤷

I agree with Caytlyn and Melle. I personally don't see it as rude. Especially if that person has something else going on that day, I think it's kind of them to try and make it!

I personally do think it is rude. My FH's best man is/was casually seeing this girl that he was going to bring as his plus one when she told him that she was going to just come to our reception and skip our ceremony because she "felt awkward." Needless to say we all said absolutely not that is so rude and now she isn't coming at all. Best man is actually glad she isn't coming at all now lol.

They may have something to do that day before hand.. I know church ceremony can be a hour or more sometimes then a hour for cocktail hour. I don’t know if that is the case for your wedding. But they may have a game or practice they can’t get out of.

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I don't think I'm taking it too seriously. We have family members who are very petty and get offended easily over things like that. I'm just anticipating ahead of time. Maybe be more understanding?

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Well said! Thanks for your response

This is something I've rarely seen at weddings we've attended where we live, in So Cal. But, we have a lot of Catholic relatives in the Midwest and on the East Coast, and I've noticed it's practically the norm there. I guess a lot of it is the "Catholic gap" thing? Absolutely the most extravagant wedding we've ever attended was in Northern NJ. I was shocked that there were less than 50 people at the Catholic mass -- and those who were there were pretty much all family. I thought, "well, maybe it's a much smaller wedding than I expected...." However, at the reception, which started about 4 hours after the ceremony, there were easily 250-300 people. I'm pretty sure they didn't all have a critical soccer tournament to attend earlier that day.... I thought that was really rude. We're not Catholic, but I understand the scheduling issues; however, while I agree that the "gap" is pretty inconvenient, unless it were life or death, I would never skip the ceremony and show up at the reception. Our Midwest family is even worse; not only do most of them not show up, but those who do arrive at the ceremony, in a Catholic church and they are all Catholic, come in jeans and a t-shirt looking like they're taking a break from mowing the lawn on a Saturday afternoon. Then they show up hours later at the reception in a shirt and tie. I get regional/cultural differences, but that seems so bizarre to me.

I did Zola as well and used the separate events to do "Our Wedding" which includes the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception" and one for our "Rehearsal Dinner" which is only visible to folks who are invited to the rehearsal dinner.

It has traditionally always been acceptable for couples to have a small ceremony if they want one, then invite a lot more people to just the reception part of the celebration. For any reason the couple wants. And similarly, guests may accept an invitation to only attend the reception, and not go to the ceremony. The guests are not required to say why, traditionally it is for any good reason. Although some couples feel the key part is the ceremony, for religious reasons, that is the part many want to miss, or else do not mind missing, since the ceremony is not meaningful to them, beyond the one line where the authority if the state is invoked to pronounce you husband and wife. Just accept that all etiquette is a reciprocal thing. And as ling as couples can choose to invite guests to the ceremony and reception, ir just reception, the guests get the same choice. I go to most ceremonies. But I will not sit through some church ones where the woman is said to follow and serve the husband all their lives, or denominations that do not allow women to fully celebrate, so I do not go to them. But if I truly am happy that they are now by civil law, legally married, I fully wish to celebrate their new marriage with them at the reception.

Note: on WW and the knot, there is a frequently circulated myth that has no foundation in the past, ir in traditional etiquette. The reception is not a thank you for attending the wedding, it never has been. Check past or current actual etiquette and protocol books, here and for the 100 or mire countries most people here come from. The reception is optional, but when given, it is a part of the wedding celebration. And guests may be invited to just the reception, without the ceremony. But never to just the ceremony, and not the reception.
The last few years I have read this myth over and over, and no matter how many times other sisters, ir actual professional etiquette people correct it, it is a persistent incorrect thing. The reception is not a thank you for attending the wedding. And myth 2 that couples have a year to send out thank you notes. ( Guests have a year to send gifts, but thank you go out immediately. ).
And myth 3, is that hosts write thank you notes for those who come with no gifts. ( Thank you notes are for gifts or services, only. Guests who attend with no gift, owe the couple or hosts a thank you note for inviting them to the wedding, any meal and dancing and so on.)
This question of is it okay to go to just the reception has its roots in a misunderstanding of etiquette. But the problem lies with the nature of these boards, with people who often do not know, expressing opinions, which are believed as facts. In the reception vs ceremony and reception, in US history, just the reception is okay. And several of the major denominations do not allow those not fully part if the religion to participate in the ceremony fully, or at all. But a reception is for everyone.

I have my RSVPs on Zola and I only have one. Look into your settings there.

However not sure that would solve your problem as they would just rsvp yes, and still only show up to the reception.