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Expert July 2019

Is your fiancé having a groomswomen?

Natalie, on May 1, 2019 at 12:30 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

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Part of my just needs to vent a little. our wedding is in 2 months and we just found out one of FH groomsmen wasn’t able to get the visa he needed to come to our wedding so we are one groomsmen down FH really wanted to have his coworker be a groomswomen from the start but I wanted it to be a even number and he was a bit hesitate since groomswomen is a new concept for him and everyone we know so when he found out this cousin couldn’t make it he really wanted to make that coworker his groomswomen again which I was fine with she is great person we were even close at one point and told him to go for it and he did! but then I started to remember FH telling me that she would tell him to give up on me (long complicated story) and now I’m not to sure about this whole thing I think I just need to vent and need some time to wrap my head around it so I can get past it and get it out of my system. It’s not the wedding look I pictured and I think part of me is a little insecure about the whole situation it has also been very hard to figure out what she should wear I would prefer her wearing a suit similar to The rest of Groomsmen but seems like she wants to wear a dress and I feel like I don’t have a say in anything.

Anyone going through a similar experience?
Am I being a bridezilla?
Advice?

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20 Comments

Latest activity by Natalie, on May 2, 2019 at 12:06 AM

Savvy May 2019
Stephanie · on May 1, 2019 at 12:34 AM
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You are not being a bridezilla. Kick her out of the wedding (in a nice way). Honestly just putting people to make it even is NOT the way to go. Put people up there who have supported and will support your relationship.
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on May 1, 2019 at 1:05 AM
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My husband had two groomswomen. But I wouldn’t put someone in just to have even numbers.
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Devoted July 2021
Emily · on May 1, 2019 at 1:15 AM
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My best friend got married last year and her husband had a few groomswomen. One wore a fitted suit to match the guys which looked awesome! The others wore the same dresses as the bridesmaids. A previous wedding I’d been too the groomswoman wore a grey dress I believe from J Crew to match the grey suites the guys wore and the bridesmaid had navy dresses. I love this new concept and if he wanted to have her from the beginning I don’t think it should be a big deal.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on May 1, 2019 at 2:44 AM
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FH is having 2 groomswomen - his sister, and a college friend. Both have elected to wear tuxes.
I agree with the PPs, though, don't put someone in "just to be even".
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Master November 2019
Mrs. S · on May 1, 2019 at 7:48 AM
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As far as outfits, would prefer to be a guest if I had to wear a suit. I’ve seen tons of groomswomen wear dresses, either to match the bridesmaids or navy or black or gray and it looks nice. I totally understand not wanting her up there if she made negative comments about your relationship, you want people up there to support you.
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on May 1, 2019 at 8:39 AM
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We will have 2 groomswomen in our wedding who will be wearing suits as that was their choice. We recently attended the wedding of one of those groomswomen and her girls all wore suits except for her sister, who had a dress matching the bridesmaids and it was beautiful. As for the co-worker, I wouldn’t replace someone in the bridal party that close to the wedding. If I was asked to be a replacement just for even numbers, I would be slightly offended.
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VIP July 2019
Summerbride77 · on May 1, 2019 at 8:42 AM
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I agree with this. My FH has two groomsmen (and I have two bridesmen) we both have just always had mixed gender friends groups. (We also have uneven numbers).

As for attire, we just have all the girls in the same dresses and all the guys in the same tuxes. You could put her in the same dress as the bridesmaids, a complimentary color, or match her dress color to the groomsmens tuxs
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Expert April 2020
Heather · on May 1, 2019 at 9:22 AM
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I have a friend whose fiance has a best woman. She is wearing a dress, but the color will match the groomsmen instead of the bridesmaids.
However, I agree with the posts above. As much as I love an even amount on either side, I don't think it's worth having her in it. Especially since there is history of her trying to end your relationship. I wouldn't allow it solely due to that fact.
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Master August 2018
Nemo · on May 1, 2019 at 11:16 AM
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If I were asked to be a groomswoman and had to wear a suit, I would decline. That is not something I would feel comfortable with. Why can't she just wear a dress that is the same color as the suits?
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Expert July 2019
Natalie · on May 1, 2019 at 11:24 AM
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She actually has a lot of suits that she wears in and out of the office she is a business women and looks great in them.
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Master August 2018
Nemo · on May 1, 2019 at 11:25 AM
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Wearing a business suit is totally different. I wear suits as well for work/presentations/interviews but I would not wear them out of the office because they're not my style.
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Expert July 2019
Natalie · on May 1, 2019 at 11:27 AM
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We are not putting her only to have even numbers because if you think of it it’s not even we will have 7 women and 5 men in the wedding party she was always a candidate for FH we just decided not to put her in because I wanted the same number of people on each side. Since that is my vision for my wedding
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on May 1, 2019 at 11:33 AM
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That’s what I meant when I said even numbers. It shouldn’t be about having the same number of people on each side it should just be about having the people you want next to you. My fiancé’s sisters stood on his side and wore a dress the same color as the groomsmen’s tux. We also had uneven sides and it looked totally fine in pictures.
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Expert July 2019
Natalie · on May 1, 2019 at 12:20 PM
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I never said she couldnt wear a dress I’m definitely open to it. But As i said earlier she wears suits all the time in AND OUT of work
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Expert July 2019
Natalie · on May 1, 2019 at 1:26 PM
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As I mentioned before she was always a candidate for FH he always wanted her to be up there it’s not like we are only putting her up there to fill the gab because at this point I rather have it be uneven. The reason why I wanted it even at the 1st place is because that’s what I envisioned for my wedding which is not wrong! I also have a smaller wedding party so having it be uneven might show more in pictures. You have a huge wedding party so having it be even or uneven would look exactly the same it’s a different story for a smaller wedding party (not that it’s a bad thing) it’s just not my thing which is also ok!
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on May 1, 2019 at 3:52 PM
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Am I misreading this, or did you say that this woman told your fiancé to break up with you? If that’s the case, absolutely not! And why would he still be friends with someone who said such a thing about the woman he loves? I agree that you shouldn’t worry about even numbers, and if she was truly a good friend of his I would even say to let him invite her. But if there’s some back drama with this woman, she needs to go!
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on May 1, 2019 at 4:01 PM
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1. Your FH should have been able to choose whoever (and how many) people he wanted in his side of the wedding party.
2. I find it a little suspect that you didn’t remember until after you said it was fine that this woman told him to leave you (and also, did she say that because he was regularly venting about you to her because that’s on him not her). Also why are you comfortable marrying someone who keeps friends around who have tried breaking you up before?
3. She should be allowed to wear a dress if she wants
4. It’s not only your wedding so your vision isn’t the only thing that matters here.
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Expert July 2019
Natalie · on May 1, 2019 at 7:44 PM
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1. You arnt being very helpful right now and you sound very rude
2. I did allow him to have whoever and amount of people he wanted I just told him what I envisioned and he went with it if he wanted more he could have
3. She said that a long time ago FH and I like to discuss and argue (playing around) and while we were discussing I was reminded of that time
4 what do you mean why am I comfortable marrying someone like that? You don’t know me or him! So you have no right to question our decision
5 I’m not stopping her from wearing a dress
6 again you don’t know me or what I have been through so I would greatly appreciate it if you didn’t act like you know the correct answer to everything you are making me sound like a cocky diva who always gets their way when in reality I’m a college student who is just starting out and we are paying for the wedding ourselves I’m working hard to pay for my dream wedding I didn’t grow up with a golden spoon in my mouth so I’m sorry if I wanted my wedding to look like what I envisioned it
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Dedicated August 2019
Rebecca · on May 1, 2019 at 9:49 PM
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I've been a groomswoman before! I just wore what the bridesmaids wore, but stood on his side.
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Expert July 2019
Natalie · on May 2, 2019 at 12:06 AM
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That’s a good idea thanks for the option
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