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FilleNouvelle
Expert April 2018

Is this weird? Destination wedding gifting ettiquette

FilleNouvelle, on April 20, 2018 at 6:53 PM

Posted in Registry 38

So I got married at the beginning of the month overseas. Was a fantastic night, and I believe everyone enjoyed themselves! In terms of our gift registry, we had a pretty small registry (maybe 50 items), in hopes that people would get the hint and give us cash. Our registry sold out the week before...

So I got married at the beginning of the month overseas. Was a fantastic night, and I believe everyone enjoyed themselves!

In terms of our gift registry, we had a pretty small registry (maybe 50 items), in hopes that people would get the hint and give us cash. Our registry sold out the week before the wedding, and I assumed that meant others would be bringing a card. To my surprise, we only got cards from 5 people, and only 2 of those with actual cash gifts inside.

Now, I'm not about to go demand money from people of course, but right now it's looking like about 50% of the guest list did not gift. Isn't that weird? I've been to destination weddings in the past and have always given a gift on top of that, but do other people maybe feel differently? Do you think we'll get more as time goes on?

And if this is it and there's no more gifts to come, that's fine. But I just found it very strange! We hosted our guests extremely well (open bar, late night snack, plated gourmet meal, etc.), so I doubt we missed something that would cause people to be offended or anything.

Thoughts?


38 Comments

  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials ·
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    To be honest I would be a bit put off if I saw a card box after you told me no gifts and it's a DW. If people want to get a gift or card to you, they will make it happen. Likely by putting it in your hand or a trusted love ones.
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  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials ·
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    I assume you live in the US, and I'm also assuming 'overseas' isn't the Caribbean. Where was the wedding? Maybe local guests doing give cards and gifts in that region of the world.

    Regarding the cards, I don't know if I would think to give a card with nothing in it. I guess I would assume that it would be disappointing, since most brides and grooms will likely assume there is money in the card.
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  • Heather
    VIP January 2019
    Heather ·
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    I personally couldn't imagine not giving a gift. But I don't know the norms for destination weddings.
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  • A
    Beginner June 2018
    Ann ·
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    I see your point, I guess I viewed it as people would probably bring a card. I may rethink this one! Doesn’t sound like many people get cards for DW.
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  • P
    Super January 2019
    PalmTrees ·
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    I traveled for a wedding one time just a driving trip and completely spaced getting a card. I did remember after I got home and sent one. Some people may have legit forgot. I think taking all the time, not even just the money, but the time out of their lives to come watch you get married says congrats a lot more than a card.
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  • rica
    VIP September 2018
    rica ·
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    I do find it a little odd. Even if I couldn't afford an expensive gift, I would bring something small and meaningful at least. But I wouldn't stress over it. DWs are expensive and sometimes difficult for guests to coordinate, and they probably had a lot going on.

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  • PBiazinha
    VIP May 2018
    PBiazinha ·
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    I’m having a destination wedding in 14 days. we didn’t want a shower but FH’s family really insisted so we accepted, we also don’t expect gifts and we have spread that through word of mouth. We are hosting city tour, rehearsal with everyone, we have open bar, dinner, snacks, plenty of desserts, large welcome bags - all that and we still don’t expect gifts. Destination weddings are not affairs that go light on guests’ pockets, so I think you should not be looking for “late gifts” at this point.
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  • Katie
    Expert July 2018
    Katie ·
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    I don't think you hosting well means you're more deserving of a gift

    You get what they can afford. I entertained the idea of a destination wedding and did not think about gifts at all. What I thought about was whether my loved ones would be able to make it
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Expert October 2018
    Allison ·
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    We're having a DW, I'm not expecting gifts from everyone. We're having 2 showers (a bridal and a couple shower) and a home reception too. So people will give what they can/want and that's good with me. I'm going to be partied and gifted out home November. Lol
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  • BohoRN2017
    Expert November 2017
    BohoRN2017 ·
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    We didn't have a destination wedding but for our guests that did travel, fly, get hotels, and rent cars all of them got us nice gifts sent directly to our house. I was shocked, I honestly didn't expect anything from them since they had to come so far.

    DH had a few local guests who acted like a-holes at the reception and couldn't even bother to get us a card. Needless to say those people will not be invited to anything of ours in the future...

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  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
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    I have to travel all the time for weddings—not destination for the bride and groom, maybe, but destination for me. I still bring a gift. I’m having a domestic destination wedding, and I don’t expect anything, but I’m betting because these are close friends and family, we’ll get a few.
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  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    If people are traveling to a dw then I don't think they should give a gift. They already put a big expense to be there and it may be difficult to travel with your gift. More than anything I wouldn't give you a gift because how would you get back with all of them?
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  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    Add: at most I would expect people to send gifts to your house.
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  • Priscilla
    Devoted August 2018
    Priscilla ·
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    I would gift. I cant help it lol. It just seems a little odd to me but maybe people couldn't afford it after the travel pay.

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  • J
    Super June 2019
    JuneBride ·
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    To me thats not the norm. You always give a gift/money at a wedding regardless of the destination. If I couldn't afford it then I would decline, but I would never ever show up empty handed. I went to my cousins wedding which in California and I still gave a gift. If I can afford to fly and stay at a hotel then I can afford to put $100 in an envelope. I'm surprised by some of the comments. It's the way I was brought up.
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    We are doing a DW and I'll be shocked if we get gifts. We will just be happy with them coming. No one is throwing us any sort of shower either I think mostly because it's a 2 marriage for both of us. No biggie though cause we are getting married cause we want to be married not to get gifts
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  • N
    Just Said Yes November 2019
    Nadia ·
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    Very weird. People can be cheap and have no class.
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    I don't think gifts should ever be expected at a DW. Your guests may have been treated well but they also had to pay to travel to your wedding and pay to stay and pay to eat outside of the reception. We had a DW wedding and were shocked that we got 3 cards with money in them(one was from my grama who couldn't make it). We 100% expected nothing as their presence was truly our gift. If you always gift when you go to a DW that's wonderful but definitely not expected

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