Is this rude?

Rude-

ONLY exceptions are

The ceremony is immediate family ONLY and less than like 15 people

Its a DW and they throw a celebration of marriage after

It's rude, and a destination wedding isn't any better. Why should I attend your reception which is literally a celebration of your wedding if I wasn't good enough to be invited to the actual wedding?

I'll be the unpopular vote...

Like what someone had said, some religions ceremonies like the LDS church, are for members only and those members must hold a temple recommend. The ceremonies are usually close family and friends only, but can be whomever the couple chooses as long as it's a small amount of people. Everyone else can wait outside the temple until the couple walks out together, then after they have the reception.

I do live in the "Mormon state" so it is very normal for people to have ceremonies with just close family and friends only, whether or not it is religious. Mine will not be religious, but we wanted just our ceremony to be intimate with just close friends and family at the ceremony. The reception will be for extended family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc... We are providing food, drinks, games, dancing, desert, and everything in between so our reception guests have a good time. I feel like it is all upon how the reception is done, I don't feel it is gift grabby if your guests are being accommodated. Now, some people outside of where I live do feel it is rude, because it isn't something that is normally done, which is absolutely okay. It is something you just need to have your own best judgement on.

UO, as I don’t mind being invited to the dinner/reception only. I might be a bit bummed; but I’d understand that they couple may want a more intimate ceremony & would still be honored in sharing their day.

I think it becomes a sticky situation when inviting to the dance only/no dinner. For one, it’ll piss off the venue as they are probably supplying alcohol for the ‘count’ you provided…the dinner count. Also, as a guest…I’d just feel like an afterthought, really.

I think it’s silly to keep saying you have to invite the same folks to the ceremony & reception as the reception is a TU for those that attended the ceremony. Are we really shaming folks for adding more folks to the TU???

I actually feel like this is one of the rudest, if not THE rudest possible thing you can do for your wedding. There is typically no cost associated with having people witness your ceremony. The one and only reason that someone would be excluded from the actual wedding part of the wedding (outside of unusual religious circumstances) is if you specifically don't want them there. If you think I am good enough to party with but unworthy of witnessing the important part, then I don't see any reason to continue a relationship with you.

My parents did a small wedding ceremony with just the family and then had their friends show up for the party and reception. None of their friends griped about it or found it rude at all. If you know your friends, then you know your answer. If your friends would be offended, then it's rude. If they don't care and just want to be there to support you, then it's fine. I think it would be worse to just invite them to the ceremony and not to the reception: that's where all the goodies are.

As PPs have pointed out, there are a few, certain circumstances where it is okay to invite to the reception only.

A couple we're good friends with got married and it was just them and their parents, with the reception the following day. No one seemed to mind. Had they invited 40 other people, then this would've been deemed rude.

FTR, to reiterate, this totally isn't me! And also, tiered receptions to me are the rudest things you can do. I just wanted clarification as we give others advice on what situations would warrant this type of arrangement.

My wedding (and reception) are parents and siblings only. I like things small, and I can't imagine why have a small ceremony and then a super big party. If you're nervous about having a lot of people staring at you, the party won't be much better, IMHO.

It's rude. Imagine driving an hour or more to a wedding, thinking it's ceremony & all, to find out it's only the reception. This happened to me with one of my closest friends. When I found out I was only invited to the reception, I told him I wasn't attending & took my gift back. If someone's good enough for the reception, they should be good enough for the ceremony.

@S Suarez that's a fair point. IF a couple has one of the situations that are an exception (religious limitations, truly intimate weddings, elopements) they still MUST make it clear to any invited guests that it is a reception celebrating the marriage that already took place. Blindsiding guests is rude no matter what.

I don't think this is rude as long as you make it clear that the invite is for the reception only. One of my friends had a traditional Vietnamese wedding. Since it was in the morning (and I believe at her parent's house?) she didn't invite everyone. I wasn't offended at all. The reception was later that evening and was fucking awesome.

It's super rude to invite someone to the ceremony, but not the reception. Or to do cake and punch for the majority of people and then only invite a select few to the actual party reception (this is a tiered reception).

I'm not really seeing how inviting people to the reception only is gift grabby. The reception is the most expensive part of the wedding. It's gift grabby to invite to ceremony only because it's not costing the bride and groom anything to host. It's like, watch me get married and bring me a gift. But you can't come to the reception.

I went to a wedding in April that had a "private ceremony." I took that to mean that only their immediate family would be in attendance.

However, when I showed up for the reception you could still see all of the chairs set up from the ceremony on the patio. There were over 60 chairs out there, and I felt very miffed. You can't have over 20 people and a private ceremony.

It was actually poor hosting all around as it was cash liquor with free beer and wine but no signs to this effect. We were not expecting a bill on the first trip to the bar. Also, the food was cheese and crackers and an instant mashed potato bar. My date and I actually left to go get dinner down the street but came back for dancing and cake.

@S Suarez that's pretty dramatic. I can't imagine ever leaving a wedding and taking my gift back unless something truly horrendous happened. I'm not saying they shouldn't have told you beforehand - but leaving and not partaking in the meal / party they paid for you to attend is pretty extreme.

I guess I'm rude then. I can't afford to invite the entire church to my reception, so I've invited everyone to the wedding and then to a bonfire after a private reception for family only. As it's in the church, there will be no dancing or alcohol allowed, so it's just a family meal. There will be refreshments provided at the bonfire, but i cant afford a wedding reception with over 200 people when FH is from Ireland and we're having to have a second wedding there as well. I think it depends on your situation and the people involved. My church wanted to celebrate with us, so that's how we're doing things. We've also made it clear on our website and in person that we don't want gifts, just people to celebrate with us. We can't afford to ship stuff overseas when we move anyway.

I guess I have an unpopular opinion about this but I've never questioned or minded a reception-only invite. Like others have said, the dinner and reception is the most expensive part of the evening so I'm happy the couple thinks my presence and company is worth the cost of my plate and drinks. In those cases I don't even bother to wonder why they wanted a small ceremony because I'm not offended.

However, were I invited to ceremony OR dance only, I would find that laughable. And rude.

We were invited to a friend's reception after an intimate ceremony which we were aware of. I wasn't offended or hurt. I believe it was wedding party plus maybe 10-15 people? But if I found out there had been a ceremony only half the wedding was invited to, I'd side eye the hell out of it

I also find this rule super confusing, and I tend to agree with @PopTart and @Macy. Can someone explain specifically why it's rude? Not being snarky, and we didn't do it. I'm just genuinely confused and want to learn.

Meh, i don't think it's rude if you're doing a super small ceremony. but i also don't really think a tiered reception is rude either--i've been invited to a couple of "drinks and dancing" portions of weddings, when the bar is still open and there are snacks available, and wasn't offended.

ETA double post, sorry!

I have no issue with it if it's a private ceremony with immediate family only.