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Savvy March 2020

Is this rude?

Nicola, on March 2, 2021 at 10:03 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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Is this rude?


My husbands neice is in our wedding. Honestly, I can say that I’ve messed up. Her mother asked if she could be in it and I answered yes without really thinking of it. Now, here’s where I’m stuck. Within the past year, I have grown really close to his other niece who is around the same age as the one who is already in it. I really feel the need to add her into our wedding some way without making her feel less than the other neice. Because of the narrowness of our ceremony, we cannot fit anymore people at the alter with us other than who we have. I was thinking...Is it rude of me to ask her and the neice that’s already in it to both welcome guests instead of stand at the alter. I’ll keep everything the same. The dresses, pictures... only difference is where they will be placed during the ceremony (again, welcoming guests).
I guess I also feel some type of way because I feel like the one thats in it does not even show that she cares to be in it. And I wouldn’t want the one who is not in it to feel less than the other.
Or, is there nothing I can really do!?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on March 2, 2021 at 8:49 PM
  • M
    Devoted April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Its your wedding and you can do whatever you wish to do but just do it delicately. You can either keep things the way they are and have the 1st niece standing at alter and the other one greeting guest or they will both need to greet guest. I think the 1st niece might take that a little personal but you can always tell her due to the space we had to make some changes.At the end of the day, as long as they are in the wedding, i dont think the title will matter hopefully.

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  • Cassidy
    VIP October 2017
    Cassidy ·
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    When I was little my aunt had a wedding and she designated me and my sister as bubble girls. It was a cute idea and will still make her feel included.

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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Ugh, Yeah, I mean to be honest that will cause some serious serious drama! I don’t know any of these people but right off the bat just the fact that the girls mother asked you if she could be in YOUR bridal party sends off red flags! There’s no way to add the other girl in to walk down the aisle?
    I personally think it was rude of her mother to put that pressure on you and ask you if your daughter could be in the wedding, but what’s done is done and I don’t think it’s rude on your part to make her do something else, but if you do choose to do that just be prepared because there will definitely be some serious drama that you’ll have to deal with
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  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    Are you sure they couldn't both fit at the altar? I agree that sounds like it could cause some drama

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  • Cassidy
    VIP October 2017
    Cassidy ·
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    Or you could always have them walk down the aisle together?

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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    The mother asking if her child can participate is rude. However having just one child/teen in the wedding is fine. Don't add the second unless you absolutely want. Most people in reality do not get their feelings hurt that one person is the wedding while the other is a guest because they are aware of the emotional/financial toll potentially involved in participating.

    Having them be greeters/ushers/guestbpok attendants is not rude in the least. In that case, let them wear regular dressy clothes the same as a guest. They would also enter and sit like guests because they are.

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  • Connie
    Dedicated December 2021
    Connie ·
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    Can you have then both walk down the aisle but then go take their seats with their parents? I don't think you can take away anything you have promised to the other niece without hurting feelings.
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    I was thinking the same thing. Just have them sit with their parents after they walk down.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Yeah, if not everyone can fit at the altar I’d try to have them sit in the front with their families. But they should definitely still walk down the aisle. Even if their role was to welcome guests, the guests will have been seated and welcomed by the time you all start walking down the aisle, so it doesn’t make sense for them to just stand back there all ceremony.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I agree it was rude for the mother to ask you in the first place.
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