My best friend (we'll call her K) and I met in elementary school in GA. We've basically grown up together. She knows my family in MI, I know hers, she's come to live with me when my mom moved us to AL during high school, etc. With that being said, she's more like a sister to me even though we don't see each other as often as I would like (she's in GA I'm in FL). Our mutual friend (we'll call her T) was introduced to me by K, as they were really close when we were in elementary school. We would hang out a lot together, but I feel it was more because K & T were hanging rather than a best friend triangle. Yesterday K received her BM proposal in the mail and posted it all over her social media. T then text me. This was how it went:
T: Hey! When's the wedding?
Me: It's set for March 27, 2021 
T: Am I a bridesmaid or a guest?
When I say that was verbatim, there is no exaggeration. She truly caught me off guard with that question. I did not know how to respond because 1. If she was a BM, she's now ruined the proposal surprise, 2. If I tell her she isn't one, how will she feel?, and 3. If she wasn't invited at all what would the outcome be? I just don't see how that was an appropriate question to ask. And who would even want to be on either side of that situation? I have friends that I know have an idea they're BMs, but wouldn't want to ask because if you know me you know I like to surprise ppl. I asked K for advice on what I should do and told her I felt bad that I had to tell T she was not a BM, but she told me not to. K also felt bad for posting the proposal, but I was very excited for her to post her reaction and be happy to share that moment with everyone. I don't feel we should hide who I've chosen or our excitement for my wedding in general. I responded to T saying she was a guest and how the invitations will be sent out later and how we're keeping close tabs on the virus, blah blah blah. She hasn't responded, but apparently reached out to my mom. I'm assuming to talk about it, but my mom told me the conversation never got that far. I only feel bad because of the fact that she might feel she deserves to be a BM, but my heart doesn't feel the same way. If she becomes negative without talking to me about how she feels or doesn't come to the wedding, I know where her heart was all along.
sn: I invited K to my bday celebration last October in FL & she asked if T could come. That weekend turned out to be when my FH was planning the proposal. I haven't talked to T since then.
Please comment if you have any thoughts or advice. I just wanted to vent because I did not see that coming.
UPDATE: K just told me T text her & said she just won't come because "it's her sister's bday" and she will be in MI. Told K not to tell me because she doesn't want to talk about it. Wowowwowoww guys.
