Is this cold feet?

I think it’s important to remember that while most of the time you can follow your gut, sometimes our feelings lie to us. Making such a huge life changing decision like a big move or marriage is going to induce anxiety in anyone. If you know in your heart and your mind that this is the right decision for you, I would pass this off as normal. If it really concerns you, maybe you could consider counseling to work through some of your feelings.

Sometimes, it's just terrifying when your fantasy is about to become reality, and you start worrying whether it will be as good in reality as in fantasy. But the only way to tell is to try. My suggestion would be to wait a while to get married, so you can have a chance to see whether having a day-to-day relationship with him and having the new job is as good as you hope. But it isn't necessarily a sign that you shouldn't marry him.

Sometimes when making a life altering choice we get anxious. You're moving, your career is taking off, you're getting married. You're doing a lot of life altering events at once! I think you're likely overwhelmed right now and should take it slow until you settle in at your new job. See if there's a pattern of what triggers the anxiety, is money (that's a big one) is it something he does? If it's something physical like money then you're just anxious, if it's a pattern of things your fiance does then you should be more concerned about your intuition. But to me it really seems like you have a lot going on and will be okay. I get anxious too but it's more about my job than anything else.

My fiance' and I met in the summer of 2015 as well. We've been through a lot of life-changing stuff over the past 4 years. There have definitely been times when those events caused me to feel doubt and anxiety about our pending marriage. During a long term span when we lived an hour apart and didn't see each other as often, I became very independent and comfortable having my own life and space. Moving in together brought me major anxiety.

In the long-run, talking to him and having him hold my hand through the hard times is exactly what gets me through. I've learned that when I feel doubt I need to do exactly what the vows promise... I need to be there for him and allow him to be there for me "through good times and bad". I need to be honest when something is stressing me out so he has the chance to stand up and be my rock. I need to remind him about all the things I love about him when he is stressed.

For now, try practicing living your vows. See if you make each other happy while putting the words into action. If you need to, move the wedding date. You have so much happening in a short amount of time. Giving yourself an extra 6 months to plan the wedding would not be a bad option.

So...mine might be an unpopular opinion but...I definitely think you should consider moving the wedding date. I lived with my first fiancé and the closer I got to the wedding, the more I would feel sick and panicked. I finally realized, 8 months before the wedding that the relationship wasn't healthy. And I had been with him for 2 years.

It was sucky, but the relief I felt at having listening to my heart far outweighed loneliness or lingering doubt.

My FH couldn't be more different from my ex, and I only get more excited the closer I get to the wedding date.

Don't make a rash decision (I waited months before finally making a move) but I definitely wouldn't push aside your feelings.

It seems moreso like maybe you're nervous because it is a lot of big things happening all at once ?

View Quoted Comment

Julie gave a great perspective. This is a huge life decision, so you need to be completely confident going into the marriage. I recommend postponing your date, and be open with FH about your feelings!