Is this bustle okay?

Yeah, that's what bustles look like. It's not my personal preference for reasons you mentioned, can you consider a little loop on the bottom that you can put a finger through to hold the bottom of the dress up instead?

That should be fine for the reception. The bustle is added for "practical" purposes, so it is fine to use that in your reception. You also might also choose not to use the bustle at the reception, but you would still have it handy if needed. No one will have an issue either way. If anyone thought of making a comment, just say "that was exactly the look I wanted."

Also, if you have loop at the end of the train, you might use that as another option.