I always hear girls saying it’s the best day of their lives, the happiest, and most magical.
I am now a married woman as of 10/24! Did anyone else’s day not feel magical and perfect? Like so many things didn’t go as planned or how you imagined? Don’t get me wrong, there were some emotional and beautiful parts like our first look, getting married, special dances...but I feel like I would tell someone “Hey, just go get married at the courthouse. You don’t need all that stress!” Things that went bad:
My officiant gave a beautiful ceremony but made it religious after we told her not to. She mentioned Jesus and the Lord when it old her we wanted it secular and she said that’s ok. Husband’s family is Buddhist lol. My photographer is good at pictures but he was really aggressive yesterday. He tried pressuring for weird poses like having all the guys hold me but I didn’t want them to touch and lift me, tell my bridesmaids to swoon over my husband likes he’s someone hot and to touch his chest. He wasn’t aware of our timeline at all even though I sent it to him and we kinda ran late.....not to mention my mom and sister kept running home or running little errands....soo we ran even more late. We didn’t get to go to the park to take photos cuz there was no time. I had to improvise with our outside venue which was limited to an area. My MOH had to direct everything and tell everyone to move if it looked unbalanced or weird it’s like why didn’t my photographer catch that? My coordinator’s shift ended and left some waitress in charge who has no clue what she was doing. The backyard garden where we got married was where we needed night shots and sparkler send off was NOT cleared. There were like 100 chairs everywhere set up for tomorrow’s event and the staff didn’t want to move it. It took me almost to tears before they finally decided to move it. We paid for that night at the venue, I should be able to have my photos there and not argue with staff about moving some foldable chairs!! My guests were so drunk by the time we did a sparkler send off and it was chaotic because they weren’t lined up, were soooo loud and wouldn’t listen, and I swear it took us like 15 minutes before it all got situated. They made it so harder than it really was to form a line and light sparklers. All I can say to describe the wedding was crazy lol. Guests had a blast but I felt like there was so much going on to try to really enjoy it. So true when they all that matters is you got married lol. Those were feelings I never felt before, so much emotion only with my husband.
From what I've heard, things go wrong at every wedding. Sometimes the weather doesn't cooperate, or a bridesmaid didn't get her dress altered in time, or in extreme cases, a vendor doesn't show up. I think people refer to it being a magical day by the memories of finally getting to marry their person, and also spending time with friends and family on a day they'll never forget. Some people are happier eloping or going to a courthouse or doing a super small ceremony, and they are just as happy as someone who threw a massive wedding. I'm glad to hear that there were things that went well and made it a special day for you!
I'm so sorry to hear about the things that didn't go well! I would suggest leaving an honest review for both your photographer and officiant, so that other people could be aware ahead of time. Mention the things that they did well, but also mention the concerns you had. As for trying to organize guests, I think it's common for it to take a lot of time and effort regardless of whether they are drunk or sober. People can be difficult to organize lol.
It’s all a matter of perspective. I’m sorry your day felt lackluster. Coincidentally my friend asked if our day was perfect and I answered her, “it was perfect in the sense of having allowed it to be perfect rather than holding onto the expectations of what the day “should have” or “might have” been like if everything had gone according to plans.” I was surprised by some things, such I was ready and had time in between hair, makeup etc to reflect and take things in before going off to get married, the ceremony site was set up differently than I envisioned it, I didn’t have my vow book but my priest had a copy of my vows so I read from that, and it was windy AF but that made for some interesting photos. Rather than focusing on what went “wrong,” try looking at what went “right” or just differently than you expected and then choose how you want to feel about it.
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The review doesn't have to be all negative! Definitely mention everything that went well, but also mention things they can improve upon, so that the vendors know what they can do better next time. The memories are most important, so glad it was a great day overall for you!
I guess it helped that I've worked in the industry and have been around so many weddings. There were still some unexpected feelings and stress to say the least leading up to it and on the day of...I forgot to mention I had an anxiety episode hit right in the middle of our portrait session (not at all how I wanted to feel on our wedding day) but needless to say the photos turned out great even though I wasn't feeling my best. The hardest part for me was planning everything up until the day of and then just surrendering control and allowing those we had hired or trusted to take on certain roles to carry out our vision.
And again, I'm so sorry (just re-reading over your experience). No bride should be brought to stressful or unhappy tears on her wedding day. There should be tears of joy. But the reality is it does happen because weddings can/do bring out feelings you've never experienced before, and it's a blend with what your expectations are.
I would write honest reviews but take it with a grain of salt too...maybe once you've cooled down and can compose an honest review in a collective manner.
I haven't posted an official BAM yet, but I have similar feelings! We had to change two pretty big parts about the wedding (no DJ/dancing, and cut the guest list by 100 people), plus the addition of masks/safety precautions, so I already had pretty tempered expectations.
But I spent a lot of the day stressed due to 2 vendor issues and couldn't relax for photos.
While the ceremony was easily one of the best moments of my life, I would not describe the overall day as "the best day ever!" or perfect or magical in any way.
I’m so sorry you feel that way! Expectations can be a real ball buster sometimes. You’re right-you shouldn’t have to ask the staff to move folding chairs for the send off! As humans, we tend to focus on everything that went wrong, instead of what went right. The great thing is you’re married to the man of your dreams! CONGRATS!
I’m sorry your day wasn’t all you imagined it to be. It may not have been perfect, but I’m sure it was still special. You told us about everything that went wrong, but try to focus on what went right (and share the details of those things if you you want to - we’d love to hear it). I bet focusing on those things will warm your heart and make you smile despite the things that went wrong. Congratulations and many blessings to you!
Congrats on getting married! And I agree, ours wasn't perfect, but there was some sense of magic. Covid impacted ours a lot and we really had to switch gears, since we got married in May. Instead of getting married at a venue with a full open bar and buffet styled dinner; we got married in an outdoor garden ceremony In our officiant backyard, and had our reception at our apartment with a total of 7 people. We talked about having a vow renewal etc but with the uncertainty of Covid decided against it, and maybe our 5 or 10 year anniversary we would consider it.
My daughter just got married in August and since she's a full-time college student, asked if I would help plan her wedding in our hometown since she's 500 miles away. She gave me her wishes and I went with them. In her eyes, it was just the day she envisioned which is all that counts in the end. However, from my perspective, things did not go as planned (starting with changing date and venue due to Covid). The officiant she really wanted couldn't travel last minute due to the military travel ban, so my dad stepped in and he forgot to have the groom recite the ring exchange. No one stood for the bride until she was already down the aisle because there was a loud plane overhead and we couldn't hear the music, some of the decorations and set-up did not happen, the photographer wore a bright green shirt and really stood out during the ceremony amongst the blush and navy. I think that bothered me the most!🤷
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No one stood up for me when I walked down the aisle because our officiant forgot to signal for the guests to stand. At first, I was so upset about it, but looking back at the photos and talking to my photographers/videographers— it actually worked out for the best since no one blocked their shots/view of me walking down. Hopefully that’ll be the case for your daughter as well!
DH and I are very open about how our day *was* perfect. But we also were really aggressive about doing things our way, NOT expecting perfection, and focusing on our 3 goals for the day (1. Be legally married 2. Guests have good food 3. Have a swordfight).
We also got lucky, because the main source of drama stopped speaking to us 2 months before the wedding (my mother).
We're also in theatre, and to us, the wedding was just a really big show. Things always go sideways in live theatre, but that's one of the reasons we love it.
I agree with others, try to focus on the good things, and the bad things will eventually become a bit of a joke.
I think with more time your perspective might change. I spent most of my wedding nervous and anxious. I was calm in the morning but it got worse as the day went on. Then I relaxed and enjoyed the reception. I was nervous for the next week wondering if people enjoyed themselves and if anyone got covid. I was a wreck. I'm also not a real emotional/sentimental person- more of the anxious type.
Now that I'm further out I realize it was nice to be around my friends and family and those parts were magical. Spending time with people I hadn't seen in so long due to covid was amazing.
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Yes I agree! Definitely took some time! After reflecting with family and friends on memories, watching videos and photos, I relived those parts of the moment and it made me happy to see everyone have a blast. Overall it was such a fun time.
Also I guess I learned something called “rock the dress” photo shoots after the wedding. I think I’m going to do more casual route so it’s like “hey we are done wedding planning!” Like my hair down and him in a vest and nice pants so we don’t have to rent out a whole suit for more money. I kinda like the casual look that way it’s not trying to imitate the day!