Savvy August 2021

Is my gifting for rehearsal dinner getting out of control?

Marie, on July 27, 2021 at 2:02 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6
Wedding coming up on August 7. Ordering the bridesmaid and junior bridesmaid jewelry for their gifts (earrings and bracelets). Went ahead and also ordered matching bracelets for my mom and MIL as their gifts. Then didn’t want to leave out the grandmas, so 2 more bracelets.

Fiancé’s grandparents are unable to make it due to health reasons. Do I buy a bracelet for his grandmother and mail it to her, so she can wear at home on our big day?
Then the aunts.. I understand gifts are supposed to be handed out at the rehearsal dinner. My aunt (I only have 1 left) is coming to the rehearsal dinner bc my fiancé’s aunt is coming (from out of state) and didn’t want to leave her out. We are a close family on his side and mine. Do I order my aunt a gift? She is paying for the wine for the reception.
Then do I order fiancé’s aunt a gift too so she won’t feel left out? If I do that, we have a cousin (aunts daughter in her 30s from out of state) and fiancé’s sister (flower girl’s mom) who isn’t in the bridal party who will not get gifts.
Am I supposed to get a gift for the flower girl (fiancé’s niece)? Jewelry?
I feel like this gifting is getting expensive quickly, even at $30 a pop it adds up. Want to make sure we don’t offend anyone.


Latest activity by Mrs. Coakley, on August 1, 2021 at 5:49 AM
  • Viviana
    Dedicated October 2022
    Viviana ·
    • Flag

    I personally think that gifts should only be given to those that are in your party - bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, MIL/ MOB, etc. and not extended to family. Yes, you may feel like you need to gift people something because they are contributing to your wedding, but, no, you don't have to give them a gift. They are contributing because they care and love you. I don't think it's necessary to buy the grandparents a gift or the aunts.

    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi ·
    • Flag

    Okay, so I think the bracelets you have are fine, don't mail one to your FH's grandma because not wanting to leave anyone out isn't a reason to /have/ to give anyone a gift. I wouldn't have ordered some for the other grandmas, but idk if you can return those. I would get your aunt a small gift with a thank you card, just because she is paying for something, but give it to her in private. While you can give these at the rehearsal dinner, they don't have to be in front of everyone to make others feel "left out" which is maybe where you're getting carried away lol.

    I would get the flower girl a gift. Something small that is in her interests. Doesn't have to be anything crazy and she probably wouldn't consider jewelry to be a gift. We are putting together busy boxes for our flower girl and ring bearer to give them things to do during the getting ready process and during dinner if they end up staying that long. Otherwise that's a super long and boring day for them.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Gifts related to personal interests (not wedding related) are given only to those directly involved in the ceremony: bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower/ring children. Grandparent/aunt/uncle gifts are not necessary.

    That is why people say large wedding parties are expensive, because the gifts add up.
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    No, way too much. Bridal party and parents only.
    • Reply
  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
    • Flag
    Thank you for posting this. I was actually wondering the same thing! I’m in a similar situation and I’ve decided to just get gifts for bridal party, groomsmen, and give a small wedding album from Shutterfly to my dad and aunt who are contributing!
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
    • Flag
    Bridal party and parents only is customary. This includes the flower girl. No need to gift for grandparents/aunts and uncles
    • Reply

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