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Michelle
Super October 2020

Is it selfish to ask for help if it means time off?

Michelle, on March 21, 2020 at 9:53 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

I’m planning to book The Flowerman as recommended by a friend. It has spectacular reviews and I loved our consultant. For 6 bridesmaid bouquets, bride bouquet, toss bouquet, 13 boutonnières (parents, groom, groomsmen), flower girl, cake flower, and centerpieces, it would cost about $850. The catch? It’s DIY but they provide all the flowers and make it a party. A coach will make my bouquet while we make the rest guided by her. I bring my girls and we can drink wine and bring snacks.

The girls are willing to do it but I feel really guilty. Though, I’ve helped with some of my bridesmaids weddings. We would have to do it Thursday before the wedding so they would take time off work. But we also have rehearsal which is likely on a different day because of the venue’s schedule. I’m not the type of person who often asks for help. All other places quoted $1,200-$1,500. Is it selfish to ask them if it means time off? I need at least 4-5 girls.

My party is mostly sisters, cousin and sister in laws. Two of them own their own business and make their own schedule, the others I know have vacation leave.


11 Comments

Latest activity by Angel, on April 1, 2020 at 2:26 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I don’t think it’s selfish to ask, but I also don’t think you should be mad if they can’t do it.
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  • Erin
    VIP September 2023
    Erin ·
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    If they've already said they're willing to help, it's definitely not selfish to ask for it.

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    I think its fine to ask but please don’t get annoyed at them or hold it against them if they’re unable to do it. Is it possible to make it on the same day as the rehearsal so they’d only have to take off once?
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  • Michelle
    Super October 2020
    Michelle ·
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    I would try but it depends on the venue.
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  • Michelle
    Super October 2020
    Michelle ·
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    I’m just going to see who can help but not make it seem like I’m pressuring.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I agree that there’s no harm in asking as long as you’re compassionate and respectful of their responses. They don’t owe you their vacation time so as long as you don’t act like they do, I don’t see an issue.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    You can ask and whoever can make it, make it.
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  • Ally
    Dedicated June 2021
    Ally ·
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    I agree with the others. I would just talk to them before you book it and see if they’re willing to take the time off. If they’re okay with it, then that’s great! It seems like they were already willing to help, so I would just talk to each one of them.
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  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    Meaning that it's adhead of time i dont see why not...
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  • Michelle
    Super October 2020
    Michelle ·
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    It’s funny to see completely different opinions on different forums. One forum it’s completely tacky and horrible and another it’s okay as long as you’re not making it mandatory.


    To stop being hated on, I just said I was scrappi the idea. I don’t think it’s tacky or horrible if my family is helping me out and I’ve done the same for them before? It’s not like I’m forcing anyone, I’m going to make it an open invite but I know for sure all my sisters want to help.
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  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
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    I got exhausted helping everyone try to talk you out of this on Wedding Bee so I didn't respond here until ten hours later. No one was hating you; many of us were disliking (intensely disliking) your plan to ask so much of your friends and relations.

    So you lied when you said you were scrapping the idea? I'm sorry to hear that, for several reasons.

    I wouldn't do this. It asks too much. It puts the people you're asking for help in a very awkward position. I wouldn't ask people to work my wedding unless they were professionals I paid. I would have (and did have) the wedding I could afford.

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