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Crystal
Just Said Yes September 2021

Is it rude?

Crystal, on September 28, 2020 at 9:59 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 1 19
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Is it rude to kindly ask guests not to bring children to your wedding? What do you guys think? If no, how do you ask politely?

19 Comments

Latest activity by Suzann, on October 1, 2020 at 4:44 PM
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa
    • Flag
    Many people do an adult-only wedding! Guests should know who is invited based on who the invitation envelope is addressed to. If addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. Smith", they should know kids aren't invited. If addressed to "The Smith Family", kids are invited. If they include their kids when they RSVP, and you're not inviting the kids, you'll need to reach out to them to let them know.
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily
    • Flag
    We had a child free wedding - there are definitely some good posts with wording on here. We made it clear through invites and the website, and we didn't hear anyone complain. Make sure you get on the same page with any relatives though (so that they don't accidentally tell people they can bring their kids.)


    I don't think it's rude if it's all the kids or something consistent (over 16 or whatever).
    • Reply
  • Crystal
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Crystal
    • Flag
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    Love this advice! Thank you 馃槉
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  • Crystal
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Crystal
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you! I was really struggling on how to let people know we don鈥檛 want children there.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele
    • Flag
    Etiquette says the only way to approach this without being rude is by how the envelopes are addressed as PP mentioned. It is considered rude to state anywhere on the invite that children are not invited. Most people don't ask about bringing kids, though every social circle is different, but you can add the info on your website. Also if someone does rsvp with kids, gently let them know via phone/text that your event is allowing adults a fun date night. You don't need to mention budget/space/other. The exception would be if the venue is a 21+ establishment where a mention of the venue entrance rules would apply.


    Also if you choose to not invite children, be consistent. Many people find it rude to be told it's adult only and then select children are in attendance. Most folks will not tell you they are upset so don't automatically assume everyone thinks something is fine by them because it's not brought up, as is also etiquette.
    Best of luck
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle
    • Flag
    I think it鈥檚 fine to do adults only
    • Reply
  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride
    • Flag

    Adults only is absolutely fine. I agree with the ideas above about how to make it clear that only adults are invited, with the addition that you can tailor your RSVP cards to make it even clearer. If you have a line that says 鈥淿__ of 2 accept鈥 it makes it obvious. Or, 鈥渨e have reserved 2 seats in your honour鈥 or something like that. It鈥檚 never bad to have an actual number of people invited written down - makes it much harder to argue with.

    Even if you do that, you may find that people cross out the number you鈥檝e put there and add extras, in which case it does need a phone call: 鈥渢here seems to have been a misunderstanding - unfortunately we are only able to accommodate you and your partner at the wedding. If this means you鈥檒l be unable to attend, we鈥檒l miss you.鈥 You鈥檙e not being rude by making that call, they were being rude by adding additional uninvited guests to the RSVP.

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  • Evelyn
    Dedicated March 2021
    Evelyn
    • Flag
    Not at all! My RSVP says Adults only at the bottom. The only children if any are the ones from the bridal party (Ring holder, flower girl) All weddings should be for adults only. This is why save dates are given a year in advance. Guests can arrange babysitting and enjoy weddings.
    • Reply
  • Kia
    Devoted September 2021
    Kia
    • Flag
    It is not rude. I put on my (first round of) STDs that it would be an adult only celebration (apparently it is rude to put that on STDs and invites but I鈥檓 not one to beat around the bush lol). It was only problematic for family who just assumed they were all automatically invited. I needed to make it very clear to my aunt that 6 of her kids (my cousins) were invited and 3 weren鈥檛. My future sister in law also tried to make me feel bad about not having her sons there and I literally had to tell her 鈥淚 don鈥檛 care about your children, I don鈥檛 like children and I don鈥檛 plan on having children But also I don鈥檛 want children around a bunch of drunk adults.鈥 surprisingly that went very well.


    I would say start with word of mouth first and then add it on your website if you want it to come across better
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle
    • Flag
    We are having a kid free ceremony/ reception. I鈥檝e told EVERYONE that this is an adult only party & to please hire a sitter. We have also put on our response cards Adult Only Party. I鈥檝e told my siblings (who each have 5 kids, are older so they have partners) that only my sibling & their spouse are invited. I explained that we just can鈥檛 afford it & being that we鈥檙e in our 40鈥檚 we really don鈥檛 want children running around. You would be amazed by the response! All the guests with young children are ecstatic to have a child free night!!
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle
    • Flag
    No, it鈥檚 not rude at all because everything in life isn鈥檛 automatically for kids. We鈥檙e having a destination wedding in Vegas and it鈥檚 a kid-free celebration. So, our STD鈥檚 express that it鈥檚 an 鈥渁dult ceremony and reception鈥. That wording will also be on our invitations too. Out website lists it as well 1.) at the bottom of the main page 2.) in the FAQs and 3.) on the page that shows the wedding weekend itinerary.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine
    • Flag

    Our big wedding will be adult only! And it was that way before we decided to do a minimony as well. But now that we decided on the minimony we are allowing a few kids to attend

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring Online
    • Flag
    No, not rude at all. Just word it in a respectful way.
    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Expert October 2020
    Katelyn
    • Flag
    Honestly my brother and sister in-law had this issue with their wedding. They wanted an adult only wedding, but so many of my family members put up a stink that they ended up having kids at the wedding. They were very polite about it too, told everyone that they wanted an adult only wedding and to please not bring their kids, but as I mentioned, my family put up a bit of a stink and they bent in the end to allow kids. Still a beautiful gun day though.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Rockstar October 2019
    Meghan
    • Flag

    We had an adult only wedding. You don't ask people not to bring their children, you just don't invite the children. Address your invitations to the adults only and only allow the couple to RSVP.

    • Reply
  • A
    Super October 2021
    Ashley
    • Flag
    There鈥檚 nothing wrong with adults only! Only address the invitations to those who are invited. Putting the number of seats 鈥渞eserved in your honor鈥 will help too. Also, close family can help spread it by word of mouth as well. You may upset some people, and some may not attend if you don鈥檛 allow kids. You just have to be prepared to stay firm if people get upset. My brother and SIL didn鈥檛 allow kids, and it was a big issue with my other brother and SIL, but they got the dream wedding that they wanted.
    • Reply
  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy
    • Flag

    Lots of people have kid-free weddings. You just have to make it clear from the start that this will be an "adults only" affair. Maybe you want all your grown up guests to have a night off without the kids. Maybe you just can't afford that many more guests that inviting kids would add to your list. Maybe you just don't like kids. There are lots of reasons.

    You can put the information on your wedding website, and on your invitations. Make sure to address the invitations only to those invited. Ex: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, as opposed to "The Smith Family" will make it more clear.

    Still, you will have some who complain, some who try to get you to change your mind, some who threaten not to come (sorry you can't make it), and all kinds of other craziness that people try to get others to change their minds. If you really don't want kids at your wedding, don't cave to any of that nonsense.

    Even after all of that, you may still have guests who just don't get it. If I were you, I would start spreading the word through friends and relatives, so it's no surprise when people start getting their invitations. Good luck!!!

    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari
    • Flag

    Our plan is to have a no kids wedding. On our wedding website it says "Adults only, please no children" and all of our invites were addressed to the adults in the family only.

    We ended up doing an elopement/postponement (thanks Covid) but I reached out ahead of time to my friends who had small kids and needed to travel to give them a heads up and none of them had an issue with it. Giving them ample notice (before invites got sent out) was helpful because it was easier for them to arrange for child care with plenty of time to plan, rather than just weeks before. Most of them were eagerly looking forward to a kid free date night!

    • Reply
  • Suzann
    Dedicated October 2021
    Suzann
    • Flag

    I don't think it is rude at all.

    • Reply

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