Is it rude?

First off, calm down and breathe.
Secondly, when is your wedding and you said you've already found your venue that's great and something to cross off your list.

Really, all that matters is what do you & your fh want to do when it comes to your wedding.

August first next year really not worrying about losing the deposit either we just want to be happy and have our day but the money just isn’t really adding up and we just really aren’t the kind of people who like being the center of attention I think we by which I mean “I” got so caught up in I’m getting married we never really stop to think hmm do we really want a wedding are we those people and now that we’ve figured it out I’m worried that it to late that people are now expecting wedding

I’m in the same boat. People know when we’re planning our wedding, but it wasn’t our wedding anymore. We wanted a small wedding but then it was at 60 people and I was stressing about people’s opinions over food, location, and date and save the dates hadn’t even been ordered.

My mom pulled me aside and said she knew I was doing this larger than we wanted wedding for her, and then said I had her blessing to “elope”. I told my friends who I was planning on inviting and they were behind me. FH’s family weren’t told the plans yet. (His dad and sister know, but I’m talking aunts and uncles etc) .

next month, I’m going to casually tell my aunts that we are taking a step back from wedding planning for now, since I have classes starting up in January. Just so we don’t really hurt their feelings. We’ll tell them it was more of a surprise wedding while we went on vacation, with our families together. Though we put the deposit down on Wednesday for our elopement package on Lake Michigan and our immediate family knows.

I would suggest talking with the ones you want at your wedding in the woods. And if you go with that, get a nice wedding announcement saying you and your FH had a private ceremony, city where it was and a nice photo from the wedding.
maybe have an informal get together with those you were going to invite.

We were going to have a fancy wedding in a ball room or vineyard or some other fancy setting, but reality set in and we decided to get married in in the mountains with a 60 person (max) guest list, and throw a small get together afterwards with food and maybe some games or other activities, very casual. I was able to get the cost down from about $12,000 to $2,500-$3,000 with the new plan, and it’s a lot better for us as a couple. I

You should do what makes you both happy. When we first started planning I started getting super overwhelmed with the guest list, venues & budget. Thankfully, FH sat me down and asked me if I would be happy with a very intimate wedding with only our immediate family. It's been a lot better planning wise because there are many vendors I don't need to chat with to make our dream wedding possible. And ultimately, my perfect wedding would be able to spend time with my family since I never get a chance to see them.

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Dang, that's a lot. Nice!

If you both truly want to elope and just have your parents and siblings there, go for it. Just because you asked for addresses doesn't mean it was for wedding invitations, for all they know, it was to send out marriage announcements (add a photo to it) like you said. It's your wedding day so if you want to spend it camping with yours and FH's family, I say do it. It sounds like it's more up your alley than a big wedding. You can also consider doing an elopement at your venue. Most elopements are considered to be 30 people or less, but can get tricky when both bride and groom have larger families. The main thing is that you two do what you want, not what other people think you should do. In the long run, you two will be the ones that remember your wedding the most. Good luck!

Is it the stress of wedding planning that's really causing all of this? Also depending on where you're having the wedding in the woods could you still be able to invite everyone since often the wood area is apparently open space? Ultimately if you and your FH really just want to make this a small intimate Gathering that I think you should do so. You can still contact the same people and just say hey after revisiting some things we decided to make some small intimate wedding. However since you did ultimately say something to them maybe you can do what a lot of people are doing nowadays which is have a small intimate ceremony but then invite everyone to the wedding reception. And it's really up to you how big or how low-key you want to do the wedding reception. I thought it would be tacky at first but it actually looks pretty nice. A friend of mine who just got married in May had her wedding reception at her Villa Clubhouse and ordered a bunch of food trays where the guests are from a local supermarket in our area. It was actually much nicer than I thought it would be because most wedding receptions I had been to had either been a plated dinner or a buffet at a nice place. Another friend of mine just basically did a build your own Burger Station with tater tots and french fries so she kept to light American fare. Here's what I am saying. You're not going to make everyone happy but at the end of the day you need to do what works best for you and your future husband because you don't want to grow into a beautiful day with a ton of stress and frustration. Even if people maybe off put by the fact that you are now having it until it ceremony I feel that once you explain the situation any one that really cares about you will be understanding and supportive regardless.

I’m a firm believer that it’s your day with your FH and you two should do what makes you happy. You can’t worry about everyone else or you will be unhappy. Go with your plan and be happy!!

You can absolutely change your mind! Especially if this new plan is less stressful.

So I guess really my plan was no reception just invite the parents and siblings on a camping trip at which we would have a ceremony and then spend the rest of the weekend with them no reception just us hanging out for the rest of the night after I guess we’d eat dinner but it wouldn’t be anything special we just don’t feel right about spending so much time money and stress on one day especially when we’ve been living together for most of the five years we’ve been together and we are basically living married life we are just making it official

We are just worried that it would be rude since we were like hey need your adress so we can invite you you know ?

I feel you. We were planing a larger wedding in October. Between dealing with my mom’s opinions (it’s always our mothers that cause the stress, isn’t it?!) we decided to shift gears and are doing a very small destination wedding in Feb instead. I think you should feel free to change your mind...everyone acts like their opinion somehow has weight in your wedding, but really - one year after you are married, no one will probably even think about the type of wedding you had, so why not have the one you want. It sucks because people make it so stressful to do your own thing. Your camping weekend sounds AMAZING by the way.

I think asking for addresses is still fine...for all they know you could have just needed them for a “we got married!” announcement instead of an invitation (which actually might be a good thing to do)

You collected addresses to send out announcements, thats perfectly logical and although guests may have assumed it was for an invite I don't think many will be offended. Weddings are expensive and stressful and more and more people are respectful of couples not following the traditions.

I think you should do what makes the most sense to you and your fiance