Is it rude to tell someone you're engaged if you're not inviting them to the wedding?

Engaged is a new status, like in a relationship, pregnant, etc. Telling them you are engaged does not mean you are automatically invited to the wedding! If he doesn't hear it directly from your FH, will he be upset? We just told our aunts and uncles who then told our cousins. If you don't tell people you got engaged, they will wonder why you are hiding it or if you are angry with them/don't like them.

Every person who knows you're engaged doesn't need to be invited to the wedding.

I think you are overthinking it, not everyone will expect an invitation and even if your FH does say something doesn't mean they will automatically assume they are invited. If they do ask you should be honest and tell them you are having a small intimate wedding and leave it at that

OK how about this theory... your FH doesn't tell him, you get married without them knowing and then your cousin finds out that you were engaged and never even told him. Telling someone you're engaged doesn't mean wedding invite. If you're concerned, have a little speech planned in case he asks if he is invited.

I don't think it's rude at all. Like pp said, it's like telling someone you're in a new relationship or you're pregnant. I really don't think anyone would draw any conclusions or make any assumptions just from you announcing your engagement.

They will find out anyway because people talk and news travels. Just because you tell someone doesn't mean you are inviting them.

How will they not find out one way or another if they are family? If everybody who knew about an engagement was invited then we would all be in big trouble!

It's like people at work knowing you're engaged. They know it but you're not going to invite every single person you work with.

Depends on how you do it. I was included on a group text of 5-6 people when a friend got engaged (admittedly, we're not close, but we have mutual friends we're both close to). She sent us a picture of the ring and I replied that I was so happy for her, etc. I wasn't invited to the wedding (everyone else on the group text was). They kept it smallish, and we're not that close, so I get it. But, I was a little miffed that she'd gone out of her way to tell me she's engaged and then not invite me.

So don't do something like that, and you're good.

Uhm no. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard.

I agree that not everyone who knows you are engaged needs to be invited to the wedding. Think of the ramifications for people announcing on FB if that were true. However, if your husband is close enough to call up his cousin and tell him directly, I do see how it would seem weird to the cousin to not be invited later. Unless it is really an intimate wedding and no other extended family is invited. Those people that I made a point to reach out and tell were top priority for me to invite. It's different if at a family gathering he casually tells him or the cousin finds out through FB or another family member.

Just tell people! It sounds like you're still just starting to plan your wedding, so if anyone asks you can honestly tell them that you're just starting to plan and mention that you're thinking of a small wedding due to budget.

I understand where she is coming from. Sounds like my family. Personally, I would not expect an invite if it was announced. When we announced ours (via FB to extended family and friends), some family commented for invites. Had I thought it through, I would have just let the word travel.

You can tell them!

It would seem stranger if you don't tell family members that you are engaged. Don't hide it. If inviting people becomes an issue then you can explain to people at the time about your budget.

What @SimpleSeamstress said. It's weird to reach out to someone just to tell them you're engaged, but then not invite them. Especially with a family member, I feel like that's just asking for hurt feelings. Just let the cousin find out through the grapevine. That way, you're not the one creating a false expectation.

I know it's ridiculous, but there definitely are some people who will assume they are invited. It happened to me and he said "so I'm invited, right?" and I was so caught off guard that I said yes. Same guy has since asked for a plus one for a girl we've never met before, etc. and it's been a nightmare. So, just a cautionary tale that even though it's rude for people to assume, sometimes they will if they don't know any better.

Best way to do it, in my opinion: "We're engaged, and excited to be planning, but will be keeping it very, very small."

Don't reach out to just let them know because they will ask if they are invited and you will feel pressure to say yes and if u do say no its like why did you call. Let them find out from someone else. Maybe your parents can just let them know.