Is it rude to not invite some "family" members?

Pay for your own wedding and tell her too bad. Otherwise she can foot the bill for all the food ect.
I don't think you should invite people you don't really like.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Thats the main reason my fiance and I are paying for everything. Once you allow people to pay, they have every right to invite and have some say. My mom has given me that whole talk. I told her it's my wedding and If she wants them there, she can getting married again. I have already called some family members explaining the situation and they completely understand. The rest I dont care what they think. People just want to go to be nosy and post something on social media.
Some of your family members obviously dont really care about you. I say just let them talk. No matter if you invite them, they will do the it eirher way. My fh has a perfect response for those family members that have treated his family like yours has. So as long as you ans your fh are happy, that's all matter.

I wouldn’t invite them honestly. It’s your (and FH’s) day and you want to be surrounded only by the people you love and care most about. Stick to your guns on this one so that you have the most amazing day possible. 💕

Yea I agree with the PPs. Invite whom you feel are truly a part of your life.

Not rude at all. Not everyone can be invited and if thats how you feel then that is how you feel. It is your day and you should feel comfortable and surrounded by people YOU BOTH love. It is not a family reunion.

I am inviting everyone in my limited family, EXCEPT my cousin and her horrid 25yo daughter. That includes her 2 brothers and their adult kids! So invite who you like and if the people can’t deal screw um... but I guess I am also at the point in my life where I can say that( I’m 40 and this is my first marriage to a 53yo) especially because he( & I) are paying for all of the wedding.

I didnt invite 2 of my uncles or their families. I dont have a relationship with them and frankly, they've treated my parents horribly in the last few years.
There's nothing wrong with not inviting family.

Why should you invite someone who's almost a stranger to you now? You invite who you want and your mom can deal with it.

Nope. Stick to your guns. When parents say you must invite family I’d tell them it would seem more rude/gift grabby to invite family you haven’t spent time with over the last year.

I come from a family riddled with divorce and have made it clear that I will be inviting only those that I am close with because of the size of extended family and what not. My mom did ask about paying for a couple of plates so certain people can attend and I explained that it would open a can of worms in the sense that more and more people would get added or start asking why they didn’t get invited. My mom was super understanding about it. I’m saving a few names for my “B” list but told her I wouldn’t guarantee any invites.

Don’t invite anyone you do not want to be there.
Girl, I am inviting my uncle but not my 4 cousins (his adult sons). I do not enjoy their company and don’t want to foot the bill for their free meal and drinks.
Especially with them not inviting you on vacation, I wouldn’t think twice about not inviting them.

Thank you everyone for the advice!! I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with family dynamics and invite issues. I'm going to try to approach the subject again soon and see how it goes!

Don't invite them! I'm not inviting my mom's one cousin. She has always been extremely rude and jealous of mom. My mom didn't even get invited to her cousin's daughter's wedding but my mom's brother did. Mind you she is god mother to her cousin's daughter. She is way too negative for us. We def don't want someone like that at the wedding.

We invited most of our families. Our aunts, uncles, cousins. We did not invite FH's dad's many siblings because we don't see them and FH's dad said that was fine. We only invited the Aunt on his mom's side and her husband, etc. I wish my mom and dad took this approach. I was forced to invite my dad's sister and her family because they are "family". I think it's a load of crap and tried to argue, because there was this epic family battle after their mom died and they don't talk. We haven't seen them in years, they don't know my FH. I couldn't argue it any longer, so I am hoping they just rsvp no on their own accord.

If you're not close with them, they don't need to be invited. We have a family member that is not invited because of the drama they will cause. There are others that we have "B" listed because again it is our day and we want the people we are closest to, to be there with us and if they can't for one reason or another, than a B listed person (or couple) will get an invite. My future MIL said this to me when we were adjusting our guest list, "Would you take them out to dinner? For the price per couple, because it is expensive, would you call them up and take them out to dinner for the same price? Because that is essentially what you are doing." Keeping that in mind has helped us avoid adding extra people that we think we "need" at our wedding.

It depends on how close your mom is to these relatives. Some of these issues that you don’t consider now can and will be hurtful to closer relatives left out. Try and put yourself in their place. Could this be the opening that CLOSE family members might need to bring everyone closer ? Everyone needs family unless they are toxic and nasty , then of course I can understand why you would not invite them. Is it truly that much more expensive for one or two other people ? 20 years from now you may be sorry that YOU excluded a close family member of your mom or dad , I’m just saying to be careful who you exclude .For example, inviting ONE blood Uncle and excluding the other sibling blood uncle can be extremely hurtful to families. If you truly don’t care or want them in your life remember that down that long road when and if you miss them, are sorry later , it might be too late for good .