Is it rude to not invite sister’s boyfriend?

Yes it is rude not to invite him. Couples are a social unit and many get offended when their partner isn’t invited. Especially since this is your sister and MOH she should absolutely get her boyfriend invited.

What Anais said in the above comment. It is 100% rude not to invite him. That is the partner your sister chose and should be invited. Couples are invited together, no exceptions.

Overall, yes it is rude to not invite him. I'd love to not invite my aunt's third husband who my family hates and will possibly cause drama with her 2nd husband who I will be inviting as well (it's a long story but her 2nd husband is my dad's step-brother so I'm related to one on each side), but that's her husband so I can't not invite him just because we don't like him and he's a crap person. Especially since she's your MOH you can't disregard her relationship as she comes to celebrate yours. Invite him, and have a backup plan for someone to remove him if needed. That's what we're doing in my situation.

This is a really tough one because at one end you deserve to have people there that you love and enjoy to be around, but she's also your sister AND the MOH, so she deserves to have a plus one, and bring who she wants. Even though no one else likes him, she's been dating him long term, and their relationship is valid.

Is it possible to invite him and just ignore him?? Unless he's done something completely drastic to affect everyone, or anything like that, I would give her the plus one for her to bring him. Just because if it were me, I'd be able to ignore him and remove myself from his presence.

Everyone has their own way to handle this situation, and I feel like there's no way to avoid a blow up if you refuse her a plus one to bring him. Especially since you've stated that she tends to remove herself from your life if she gets upset.

Based on your description of the events and your sister's personality, no, there is no way to handle this without it blowing up, other than to just invite him. The decision is still up to you of course but you will need to understand that the consequences of excluding your sister's longterm boyfriend will mean damaging your relationship with your sister.

It's unfortunate you don't like him, but it's highly unlikely he will have any impact to your wedding day. You will have so many other things and people to focus your attention on.

Yes it is rude not to invite him. You're totally in the wrong here.

View Quoted Comment My problem here is he’s really hurt a lot of people in my family. I’ve been told by many that they will not show if he does. I don’t want half of my family to not attend my wedding because I invited someone I don’t like either. Let’s just say they both have done some pretty unspeakable things that’s has strained a lot of relationships. I’ve been trying to mend my relationship with my sister because well she’s my sister, but I have no interest in mending my relationship with him because he continues to act in a way that hurts so many people. I’m polite with him and tolerate him on some level, but I feel like I should not have to tolerate him at my own wedding where he will intentionally go out of his way to start things with either me, other family members or my sister against me. I’m also having a very small intimate wedding, so it would be pretty hard to ignore anyone.

View Quoted Comment Then I would be prepared for your sister not to attend either.

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I truly mean this in the most gentle way possible, but when you asked your sister to be your MOH what did you expect as far as him coming too? Did you expect her to be okay with not having him come though it seems she has caused issues in the past?

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It sounds like you've pretty much made up your mind and don't want him there. Like I said, it's a tough decision to make, especially since you just said you're trying to mend your relationship with her. Whether you and everyone else like it or not, he's part of her life, so mending a relationship with her DOES include trying to be civil with him because he's important to her, just like you all are.

I would just expect her to not attend if you decide to not let him come. But I do agree with Jessi about thinking further in the future. I feel like this issue should've been thought of extensively before having her be your MOH, or even in your bridal party.

Families are hard, and I wish you the best of luck with your decision!!

It’s rude not to invite him and you knew they were a couple when you asked her to be MOH.

View Quoted Comment She expected him not to be able to come. When I got engaged she told me that she understood that he would not be invited. He is not invited to any other family event like Christmas or thanksgiving. This isn’t abnormal for us to request, hence why I’m kinda shocked she is pushing so hard.

View Quoted Comment That’s why I’m shocked about her pushing so hard because before I even asked her to be maid of honor she knew he wasn’t going to be invited. I had this convo prior because I didn’t want a MOH walking out on me. She understood clearly and I verified with her multiple times that she was ok with that a she said that she was because she understood all the hurt he has caused. In the past couple of months she has all of sudden started pushing it. She even told me that they fought over it before because he wanted to go and she told him he couldn’t due to my wishes. He’s abused her in the past and I have suspicions that he may be doing it again since she randomly started pushing for it.

View Quoted Comment She knew before I asked her to be MOH that he wouldn’t be invited and she was ok with it. None of this was a surprise for either of them. I wouldn’t have asked her to be my MOH if she had a problem with him not being able to go. This has been a random and recent thing.

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Gotcha!

I'd be very cautious if you think he's abusing her. Refusing his invite could greatly affect your sister, and he could lash out and take his anger out on her.

Ok, so I think there needs to be some clarifications cause I don’t think I have enough in my original post. I told my sister after getting engaged that he would not be invited . She said she was fine with it. I verified several times before asking her to be my MOH and no I didn’t make it a stipulation like you’ll only be my MOH if he doesn’t go, none of that. It was a genuine conversation and she understood that he has caused a lot of hurt to the family so knew that he wouldn’t be going. She has admitted to me that he has started fights with her over it. He’s abused her in the past and so I have suspicions that he may be doing again hence why she may all of a sudden be pushing so hard. I guess to rephrase, is it ok for me to be pushed to invite someone where half of my family will not show up if he shows and when it was already understood and accepted prior to sister becoming MOH that her BF would not be invited to the wedding?

View Quoted Comment Then I would be prepared for your sister not to attend your wedding. You can’t ask for her to come but not bring her long time boyfriend. I’m so sorry he’s been awful to you. But your choices are let your sister bring him or have your sister possibly not come to your wedding

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It's not okay that you're being pushed to do that, but as SHY said, this is also pretty delicate because if he is abusing her he could lash out at her for your decision (which also isn't fair but obviously in this situation fair doesn't really matter.) If you believe your sister will be okay and will still come then don't invite him. This is definitely a difficult situation you're in, I sympathize with you.

View Quoted Comment If you think he's abusing her, there's a chance that not inviting him will make the situation worse for your sister.

You can do what you want but if you don’t invite him, be prepared for your sister to never talk to you again. My brother and I always had the best relationship and his now wife pretty much ruined it when I decided to not be in their wedding. So my advice is to tread carefully unless you’re okay with this ruining your relationship with your sister and that throwing off your entire family dynamic - some things just aren’t worth that.