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Just Said Yes September 2019

Is it poor etiquette to reuse my mother's wedding band?

Catherine, on February 26, 2019 at 12:22 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
Hey all!
I don't really know the proper way to proceed here...

Both of my parents passed away when I was younger, and I'd love nothing more than to incorporate them in some way on my wedding day.

While planning recently, I thought of the idea of using my mother's wedding band as my own. Her hands though, were tremendously smaller than mine.

So here's my question: is it poor ettiquite to essentially melt and reform my mother's band to make my own?

16 Comments

Latest activity by CountryRoads, on February 27, 2019 at 10:07 PM
  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
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    I personally would not do it. My dad passed away almost 2 years ago and I could never imagine melting his ring to fit mine or my fh finger
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  • Destiny
    VIP May 2020
    Destiny ·
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    What about tying it to your bouquet?
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  • Bridget
    VIP August 2019
    Bridget ·
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    I think its a sweet gesture but will you regret it? if it has stones you could always reuse the stones in it to make your own, otherwise you could definitely use it on your bouquet.

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  • L
    Expert June 2019
    Lori ·
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    I think you should do what you really want... either the ring can sit in a drawer/safe or you can change it and wear it every day and your Mom will always be right there with you. Don't worry about what anyone thinks, do what you feel in your heart.
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  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
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    I agree with this. If wearing your mothers ring, even if you had to change it to fit, would make you happy then go for it. I think it makes sense to wear use the things that remind you of loved ones rather than storing them away.
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  • Autumn
    Dedicated September 2019
    Autumn ·
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    Also no matter what it’s still your moms ring. Even if its melted down to fit you, it’s still her ring. This way though you can wear it everyday. Do what makes you happy
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  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
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    I would say either tie it to your bouquet (very securely) or maybe put it on a chain and wear it as a necklace. My mother has also passed and while I don’t have anything of hers, my sister had a bouquet charm with her picture made that will be on my flowers.
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  • Mo
    Devoted September 2019
    Mo ·
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    My FH is melting down his late fathers ring and gold tie tacs to create his ring. It would otherwise never be worn/seen. Do what you feel is right.
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  • Nisa
    Super March 2019
    Nisa ·
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    I say go for it. It'll either be on you, or sit in a drawer/safe. One of these options definitely pays tribute to your mother more than the other. Even if you melt it down, it's still her ring, it was a part of her and it can now be a part of you.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    It has absolutely nothing to do with etiquette, and is simply deeply personal, and how it retains the sentimental value for YOU (and only you!) — I’m with the PP that says no matter how you manipulate it, it still holds the meaning of being your mother’s ring: melted, reshaped, it’s still the same piece of metal that your mother wore on her finger, and every bit as lovely. I think it’s a wonderful idea. To ME being able to WEAR it is way more meaningful than holding on to it forever only able to *look* at it. Almost any hand-me-down or inherited ring needs to be altered somehow to fit the new user— it’s probably more common than you’d think
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  • Cara
    Expert July 2019
    Cara ·
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    I don’t think that’s poor etiquette. You’d have a piece of your mom with you that you’d wear everyday. Do what is meaningful to you and makes you happy.
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  • Jenna
    Super October 2019
    Jenna ·
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    I agree with all of this 100%. Do what makes you happy!

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  • L
    Expert June 2019
    Lori ·
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    And... I believe you Mom would approve too....at least I would with my daughter.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I think you should use it. What a beautiful symbol!

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  • CountryRoads
    Expert October 2018
    CountryRoads ·
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    First, I am very sorry for your loss. I was married last October, and my mother died a few months before I became engaged. My heart goes out to you and where you are coming from with this question.

    It is ABSOLUTELY appropriate to melt and reform your mothers band so that you can wear it. It is a touching sentiment. If you have metal from your father's band and wanted to add metal from his ring when you reform hers I think that is appropriate as well.

    You are not destroying the ring, you are modifying it. There is nothing wrong with that. Many brides take swatches from their deceased mother's dress and sew it into their own. Besides, if you have the ring and it is too small for you to wear, what is the advantage of having it laying around unworn?

    Lastly, this is not "poor etiquette". I would not think of etiquette as even relevant to this because it is personal and does not impact anyone else [other than FH]. The only exception would potentially be siblings, but that is also not wedding related etiquette.

    If your heart tells you to do this, and FH supports it then do it. [If FH doesn't support it discuss it with him Smiley smile ]

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  • CountryRoads
    Expert October 2018
    CountryRoads ·
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    I agree. If she ever wants to wear this ring it it will have to be modified, and this is a beautiful occasion to do so. The ring does no one any good when it is too small to be worn, but it is a power symbol of love and family in this context.

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