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Just Said Yes April 2022

Is it poor etiquette to book the resort myself, to a friends Dw?

Htxdamaris, on January 14, 2020 at 11:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16

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A close friend of mine is getting married in Mexico. If I book my resort and airport transfer with her wedding planner, it will cost me a few hundred more than if I just booked everything through the resort myself.
I don’t want to miss out on any “inclusivity” with the wedding guests that book with the planner -(is that even a thing?) but it’s costing us a pretty penny just to be able to attend! Will we be excluded from anything by booking direct with resort? Is that poor etiquette? I’m afraid to even ask my friend if there are any “ramifications” to bypassing the wedding planner...

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Andrea, on January 15, 2020 at 6:37 PM

Master October 2020
Mandi · on January 15, 2020 at 1:41 AM
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I'm assuming that this person is a close friend if you're traveling to her wedding. I'd just tell her you found an amazing deal and sent to book it independently and ask her if theres an issue.
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on January 15, 2020 at 5:42 AM
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I would book it and explain why you booked outside of using the planner. We were told a room block would be about $500 to$800 a room and if guests didn't book the blocked rooms, we had to pay up. This is exactly why I let travel accommodations be the guests job. I didn't want to place a financial burden like that on them or make them feel belittled if they couldn't afford the blocked rooms.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on January 15, 2020 at 10:11 AM
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I don't see an issue but I would double check with your friend to make sure you won't be missing out on anything "wedding" related but also to be sure you won't have to pay any fees to get into the wedding resort which is usually the main “perk” wedding guests get for a DW.
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Htxdamaris · on January 15, 2020 at 10:16 AM
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Thanks Sherry. I’m planning to book at the EXACT same resort that it’s being held at but I’ve never been do a DW before so I’m nervous that by saving a couple hundred bucks I’ll be doing something wrong or missing out somehow! #fomo Thank you!
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Htxdamaris · on January 15, 2020 at 10:18 AM
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Thank you Jennifer, that’s very helpful. Airline prices combined with resort fees are high, (Not to mention boarding our pets!) so I don’t feel like paying the wedding planner an extra $200 but really just don’t want to be rude.
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Htxdamaris · on January 15, 2020 at 10:20 AM
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Ok, Mandi. Thanks for that advice! She is a close friend and from what I’m reading, all they should really care about is that we are able to be there on their special day. I’m probably overthinking it!
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Expert May 2016
needmorewine · on January 15, 2020 at 10:34 AM
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There's nothing at all wrong or rude with booking everything yourself. Your friend shouldn't have any reason to be upset about you doing that.

Some of the destination wedding packages include discounts for the bride and groom based on how many guests book under their group rate, which essentially means that the guests are subsidizing part of the cost of the wedding or stay for the couple. That is rude, since the guests shouldn't be paying for any part of the wedding. Hopefully your friend isn't utilizing one of those packages.
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Htxdamaris · on January 15, 2020 at 10:43 AM
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Oh that’s really good to know. They are pretty well off in the way of their finances so I don’t think they are doing that, but they did say they needed at least 5 people/couples booked in order to get the blocked room rate
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Dedicated October 2019
KAREN · on January 15, 2020 at 11:53 AM
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I'd be upfront and ask. When you have a DW, you know that it is incredibly expensive for the guests to attend, so I'm sure they can imagine that people will cut costs where they can. If you'd be missing out on a lot of wedding stuff, then of course I'd go with the block. Otherwise, go with the cheaper option. Even if transportation is an issue, you can make that work in your own way.
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Htxdamaris · on January 15, 2020 at 2:43 PM
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Thank you Karen! Y’all are making me feel more comfortable about this!
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Dedicated October 2019
KAREN · on January 15, 2020 at 2:51 PM
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Good! I would definitely ask though. We went to Mexico over the summer to an all inclusive resort and it was AMAZING! Be sure you don't miss out on anything good just because of that alone!
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Dedicated September 2022
Kristina · on January 15, 2020 at 5:07 PM
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I would honestly just show her the deal you found! No need to spend hundreds more when you found a better deal!
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Htxdamaris · on January 15, 2020 at 5:42 PM
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Thank you, Kristina. I was overwhelmed at first but I am starting to think my friend will be understanding of us wanting to save a couple hundred on top of what we are already spending to attend!
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Expert February 2020
Tanyia · on January 15, 2020 at 5:50 PM
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It's not rude. Get the better price - she shouldn't care as long as you attend the wedding!
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Htxdamaris · on January 15, 2020 at 5:51 PM
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❤️❤️ Thank you! That’s so true!
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on January 15, 2020 at 6:37 PM
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Yeah, I agree!!
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