Is it okay to pick and choose certain kids to invite?

Ultimately, it's your wedding, so you can decide whether an exception can be made. Having said that, here's some things to consider: if you had decided to allow kids, how many more people does that add to your guest list? Can you afford more guests? In terms of knowing your crowd, are any of your guests likely to be offended if you let these two kids attend, and no other kids? I agree that 13 and 11 are old enough that they probably won't be disruptive or a problem at the wedding. Also, your relationship with them has me leaning towards saying you should allow them to come. But again, if having them there means you're going to offend 20 other family members/friends, maybe it's not worth it. Are the parents of these kids the type to get offended if their kids aren't invited? Even if you explained your reasoning to them? Maybe they would like a night out without kids, and just haven't thought of it that way before.

It's a tough call, either way. I don't envy you your decision. Good luck.

You can choose to get push back from this one couple for not inviting their children, or push back from the rest of your guests whose kids weren't welcome when others were. I think the best choice is to stick with your initial decision. Once you start making exceptions for one person, it turns into a snowball effect.

It is generally considered rude to invite some kids and not others. The exception would be kids in the wedding party or your immediate family.

I have a similar issue with the kids I used to babysit. We used to be really close but then the family moved away a few years ago. I invited the parents because they have known me from birth but I specifically left out the kids because they aren't family. All of our family are allowed to bring their kids but my mom has been going around to all my cousins that have small children putting the bug in their ear that, "wouldn't it be fun to enjoy the wedding without kids", "you should get a sitter so you can enjoy yourself", etc. Many are excited about the idea to have a night out to themselves.

This is a stinky situation but you run the risk of ticking of 2 people or the rest of your guests... I would choose to keep it kid free.

I hate it when things are complicated like this. Ugh. Ok, so I really think you can make an exception here, and allow these particular kids to come, without too much drama. First of all, it's your wedding and you can do whatever you want. But I don't think you're a jerk for wanting to make the exception. Life isn't perfect, and not everything can be fit into a neat little box. Sometimes things are messy. Your relationship with these kids and this family is the exception. If anyone wants to be pissed about your decision, that's on them. As long as you and FH are happy with your decision, do what you want.