Is it okay not to ask her to be my bridesmaid?

You should have only your nearest and dearest in your bridal party! Don't let her pressure you into making her a bridesmaid - that decision is ultimately up to you!

You shouldn’t ask anyone to be in your bridal party out of obligation.

It’s your wedding and you get the choice of who you want standing up there with you. If she’s not one of those people, then don’t pick her. And if she has a problem with it, oh well. It’s not her wedding.

You shouldn't have a bridesmaid out of obligation. It may be hard and may create a bit of drama but it's your wedding and if you're not uncomfortable with her in your wedding party than that's more imoritrt than her expectations

This is your decision. Don't make her a BM out of guilt or perceived obligation. If she let you down on major life decisions before and you are generally not happy with her behaviour, you will be further disappointed if you include her in this way.

Hey Alejandra! Congratulations on your engagement and welcome to the WeddingWire community!

Just to reiterate what the pps have mentioned, you should feel no obligation to choose a bridesmaid simply because they feel like they should be picked. It is your wedding and you should feel like you are loved and supported by all of your BMs.

If she questions you about why you did not choose her to be in your wedding party, you can merely explain how you are feeling and express that you hope she supports your decision.

I had a similar situation happen to me... after much advice, I decided to not invite her to be a bridesmaid.

View Quoted Comment How did that work out? Do you regret it?

View Quoted Comment She hasn’t mentioned anything, but if she does I am just going to tell her that I have two sister in laws and simply could not have many friends in the wedding party. I am thinking of asking her to do something else to include her in the wedding, such as doing a reading during the ceremony.

I had a similar situation. Best friend for years, all.through school, always said wed be in each others weddings. Went to college and started drifting apart. Some stuff happened, things got said, and I chose to end the friendship over it. Didnt want nor need the drama in my life. Needless to say, she is not nor part of my wedding at all. Havent spoken to her in almost 2 years now and my life is honestly so much better for it.

Now, that's not to say that this will happen to you. But considering what you have mentioned, especially the bit with the surgery I would think long and hard before choosing her to be in your wedding party. Part of friendship is being there for each other in times of need, but also understanding that everyone has a limit and sometimes we cant be there like we would want to (like after having a major surgery, even though it sounds like you tried your best to accommodate her, so kudos to you!). To me it sounds like she is very self-centered, and I would be wary about including her, lest she bring drama to the table. Still include her, maybe have her do a reading if you want, or see if she wants to help with something else. In the end it's your decision, but from what you've described I would tread lightly.

Thank you all for your help! It’s helped to hear someone else’s opinion on the matter.

Yes definitely only ask those you want in your bridal party to be in it