Is it ok to Un-invite People to the Wedding?

I'm really sorry you are going through this. It's disheartening to hear that your family will not be there except for your mom as her health is important. I say sleep on it a lil while and then when you are less angry make the decision.

Parties before the wedding aren’t mandatory events and are rarely seen as just as important as the wedding itself. While I completely understand being upset that your family isn’t attending your shower, I think uninviting them from the wedding would be a rash decision you would end up regretting. For me, if I couldn’t attend someone’s shower and then got uninvited from the wedding because of it, I would stop having a relationship with that couple.

I agree with Naikesha: your Mom’s health is important, so it’s perfectly fine if she is unable to make it for that reason. As for everyone else, that’s more upsetting, and I’m sorry that they won’t be coming to your shower. But I think you should take some deep breaths. Be slow to speak, especially in anger.

This is a tough decision and I agree you should sleep on it. Never make a decision out of spite or high emotions. Disinviting people after you’ve given them an invite is in bad taste and will paint you in a bad light, you have to decide if you’re ok with that and burning bridges.
There will be hurt feelings all around. No one is going understand your reasoning because you’ve already invited them.

Take a day or two to calm down, then weigh your options.

I understand why you're so upset, but uninviting them would be pretty rude on your part. Please remember the world doesn't stop just because you're getting married. I hope you make the right decision

I would never uninvite someone from my wedding because they couldn’t make it to a pre-wedding event and I think that doing so makes you look gift grabby.

Is there a possibility that your mom or people on your side are throwing a surprise second shower for your side of the family?

It would be horrendously rude and relationship-ending for you to uninvited them from your wedding because they aren't attending a (completely optional) pre-wedding event. I understand that you're disappointed and that's perfectly natural, but you should keep yourself away from the phone/keyboard until the anger has died down.

Invitations are not summons. Your mother's possible absence makes perfect sense, and surely you're not upset that she might not be able to make it because she's in the extremely painful process of passing a kidney stone?!? As for everyone else, I'm sure it's quite a surprise and very disappointing to find out that they either can't make it or aren't prioritizing your party for whatever reason. Some people just don't like showers, some people find them unbearable, some people just don't think they're very important (and compared to the wedding, they're really not). Some of them went to the trouble to send you a present anyway, even though they can't attend the shower - that shows you they care and are thinking of you.

I'm guessing they complained about your registry because you only had a couple of higher-cost items on there and a request for cash for your honeymoon (per another thread); this might actually be one reason you're having such a low turnout for your shower. Showers are for physical presents, not cash, and that means that you should have a registry with enough presents at varied price points so that your shower guests can find something within their budget. If all you had on your registry was a new dish set, stand mixer, and nice knives, that might have been a factor in some of their discomfort and decision not to attend. Or it might not have been; they may just not have been available on the shower date. Would your family members have had to travel? Many people will not travel for a shower.

Long story short, there are any number of reasons why people would not be able to or would choose not to attend a shower that they're invited to, but while that's understandably disappointing it's also not worth blowing up the relationship over an optional pre-wedding event.

I would say take some time to cool off. You're upset right now and would make rash choices during this time so just give yourself some time to compose yourself.

If ONE person had not attended your shower, would you uninvite them to the wedding? If not, consider each person who declined ONE person. I highly doubt they got together as a group and decided not to go, so don't uninvite them as a group. It's nearing the end of summer. People are vacationing. Kids have sports and extracurriculars starting up. Work. All the excellent points PP Vicky made.

I know it's disappointing that they all said No, but you shouldn't uninvite them to the wedding over it.

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Exactly this.

I understand I've greatly offended this community by asking this question, but I do wish your replies had been less sharp tongued. Please understand, I was and still am utterly heartbroken by the entire situation. I understand to some of you the shower is simply a party, but ours had been planned as more of a family get together for the two sides to meet rather than a present giving, game playing, bridal shower. I did not reveal the entire situation in my post and I wish you all had maybe taken a moment to think that I was posting seeking help and understanding.

Because none of my my side of the guests (again, not a single one, no family or friends or anyone. I am not exaggerating even slightly by this statement) it's caused issues on both sides. My side was apparently offended because someone from his side planned the party (my bridesmaids are his sisters so they were part of the planning). A few of my family members have actually turned around and said very cold and hateful things to me and are requesting I throw the party myself and reschedule it for a different date when everyone can attend. I of course cannot do this as I 1) did not plan this party, and 2) money was put into this event and things can't be changed at this point.

The shower has caused a lot of awkward tension and we were starting to think maybe certain people who have caused the issues should just not come to the wedding anymore as we are afraid of them causing more uproars and disruptions. We've decided against uninviting these people as the thought of this is apparently out of the question, but I can assure you these people will not be a part of our lives after the wedding after the things they've said.

You have sent save the dates, those are the same as an invite. You can't un-invite people. I read all the responses and none of them seem sharp tongued. I agree that is doubtful that everyone got together and decided to boycott the shower. It is an invite, not a summons. We had a family wedding pop up suddenly last Saturday (three weeks to plan a wedding!) and had I been invited to the shower I would have declined.

You came onto a message board under Etiquette and Advice, so here goes: Do not un-invite people and thank those who come to your wedding and shower.

PLEASE DO NOT POST ON THIS THREAD ANYMORE

I got the message after the first response. I was never actually going to un-invite people, I was just so upset when I posted this and so desperate to have someone to talk to about it I posted this and I greatly regret all of this. I don't want to receive messages about posts on this thread and the website doesn't allow you to delete threads anymore.

Please respect that I'm trying to manage my emotions and move on from this so I'd like to not be notified on this thread anymore.