My situation may be a little unique. My husband is American, I'm not. We live in a Middle Eastern country and are planning to fly out to my husband's hometown to host a reception (depending on the how the virus situation is). I wouldn't consider it a destination wedding since his all of family and friends and some of mine already live on that hemisphere of the world. The only ones doing any traveling will be us. But of course, that's just my opinion. My knowledge of American weddings comes from movies (which we all know is very unrealistic) and my husband isn't the greatest at the topic either. After doing some extensive Googling, I've learned that it's considered rude to ask for money as a gift. In my culture, it's a social norm to give money (whether you're a guest or family member) but also very acceptable to put in a note at the very bottom of invitation something along the lines of "accepting envelopes only" or "no boxed gifts".We don't have a registry because we already have everything needed to build our lives together and the idea of flying back with multiple bags of expensive presents doesn't seem to be the most convenient. This is why I ask if it would be rude to ask for cash.
Asking for cash and any variation is always rude. Some people will give cash on their own. Others will not because it not what they are used to (registries are more common for them) so will give a physical gift you might not want.
The cultural norm is typically to not include any registry information and it is implied that you would prefer a cash gift. Us Americans aren’t great at being direct in what we want lol while it’s socially expected to most (even though people say it’s not) to get gifts, it’s considered rude to bring them up. If anything I would expect his parents to get questions about a registry and they can let people know from there that you don’t have one
I totally get where you're coming from. That said, I think its probably best to follow US etiquette because that's where the wedding will be hosted. I hope your guests are savvy enough to realize that you cant load a crock pot and 8 sets of plates into the overhead compartment on your flight home
I too come from a culture (Australian-Russian
living in Australia) in which (a) coming without a gift is rude and (b)
monetary gifts are totally acceptable as is specifying that this is the preferred
In saying this, all the Americans on Wedding
Wire insist that monetary gifts of any kind are ‘tacky’ and some tend to take
great offense to this.
If many of your family and guests in America
come from a similar background to you, I don’t think it will be an issue asking
for monetary gifts, however, if they are not from that background, you may
offend some of your guests by doing this.
I wouldn’t directly put this on the invitations but would try to have your FH family spread this via word of mouth. If guests ask them about a registry, they can simply remind them that all physical gifts would need to be transported back to where the two of you live.
Monetary gifts themselves are not tacky in the US. It's the act of specifically asking for monetary gifts that is uncouth. Asking for gifts in general, monetary or physical, is seen as unsightly. That's why registry information is not supposed to go in the invitation suite entirely. In the old days, registry info was spread by word of mouth. Nowadays, people put it on their wedding websites. It is separate from the invitation, so it's seen as acceptable.
People know that money is a good gift, so you would be fine just not registering for anything and people will get the hint. There may be the random few who want to give a physical gift, but there's always that 1 person who buys something not on the registry, even if there is one. Your fiance's parents can also spread the word that you prefer cash gifts and are not registered if/when people ask.
I personally don’t think cash is tacky. It’s an old thing that needs to go away. I’ve never understood the difference of please buy me this gift where I’ve picked out the size and color compared to please give me cash. I would set up a honeymoon fund or on the registry section of the website explain you can’t travel with gifts.
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100% agree - just be honest about the travel. We did a small registry but also told people that we would be very happy with gift cards to Lowe’s/Home Depot because we want to -paint the house -do landscaping -get new ceiling fans. This way they knew they were gifting us a ‘fan’ instead of a cutlery set. We even shared that money to Chewy would be used to spoil the dogs. Some people really loved that- and we got a gift card and a small dog toy. Know your crowd and just approach it gracefully. They should understand.
Given that you live on the other side of the world and wouldn't be able to transport a bunch of physical gifts easily even if you wanted to, I think I'd have your family spread via word of mouth that you'd prefer cash gifts given your situation. I don't think this would be offensive at all
I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong in asking for money. Just don’t pressure people and be honest about what it’s going towards. You can make a honey fund or something like that.
I’m English, but I live in America, but I think Americans are a little too uptight about money. (Can’t ask them how much they make, how much somthing costs, can’t give money etc.) it won’t do them any harm to treat it like a normal gift! Saying that...not everyone agrees with me, as evidenced from this post. You might minorlu offend people, or have people purse their lips at you! If that doesn’t offend you, go for it!
Are you going to have a wedding website? What you could do is make a Honeyfund and have a link to it on your wedding website. Just don’t explicitly write about the fund on your invitations - let your guests find it themselves on the website.