Is it bad manners to invite someone to bachelorette/bridal parties but not to the wedding?

It's extremely rude!! My mom offered me a bridal shower in my home town and mentioned inviting some ladies i went to church with growing but declined bc they arent invited and I didnt want to be that person.

You’re absolutely correct

Nope, definitely rude! The rule is all or nothing!

I'm almost wanting to tell my sister not to attend those events at all. And I was honest with my friend and said not to invite my sister. My friend seemed like she was being a saint for even reaching out and giving my sister a bridal shower/bachelorette party invite.

I completely agree with you. As far as your last point "Anyhoo, if that's the case, then I won't have to invite her fiancé when my rehearsal dinner comes around, right?" ... kill em with kindness. FH was in a wedding last year where the bride and groom treated their bridal party like (unpaid) hired staff and we were pretty pissed about it. Since his friend was going to be in our wedding too, we wanted to show them how to properly treat/thank your bridal party for supporting you on your special day. It ends up that his friend won't be there because his wife is due a few days before the wedding and they live out of state, but we were looking forward to teaching them the right way to do this.

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How kind of you. I don't know if I'm there yet, as far as being a good person but I will think about it. Our rehearsal dinner will be very intimate - our wedding party is really mostly few family members who mean a lot to us. I was never really a fan of her fiancé... he doesn't really have good manners and tends to gossip a lot... in fact, she's the same way, which is why I've been somewhat distant from her in recent years. Anyhoo, thank you for your response and I will be thinking about what you said. Thanks

Yes, you are right, this is incredibly rude.

Yea. Kind of rude. It's kind of like an all or nothing deal.

I could understand if someone was ignorant to proper etiquette and made a mistake based on that ignorance, BUT... she asked you about it prior to sending the invitations. She was fully aware of what the proper course of action would be, yet she made the decision to toss etiquette aside and do what she wanted. That would leave a very sour taste in my mouth and if I was your sister, I would decline her invitations. That's not only rude, but greedy. I also don't understand why she thought it was acceptable to not extend the invitation to her bridesmaids partners. No, just no.

Yes, it is bad manners.

That is totally rude. It gives off the message someone is good enough to give you gifts at these extra parties but not good enough to get invited to the wedding.

This is rude, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to answer rudeness with rudeness. Excluding her FH from your RD is stooping to her level, which you want to be above.

I agree with your sister, she 100% should be invited to the wedding. I also would not, under any circumstances, go or be in a wedding if my fiance wasn't included.

100% rude! I can't believe she did that and also isn't inviting SO's of the bridal party. I would agree with others who say you should still invite her FH to your rehearsal because stooping to her level isn't worth it.

I also want to say that it's completely reasonable for your opinion of a person to change because of how they act because of their wedding. They act how they act because of who they are deep down. I have written here many times about my friend who I was MOH for, and because of her attitude surrounding her wedding and how she treated us, I haven't spoken to her since her wedding (almost a year and a half at this point). Most of our friends haven't, actually.

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Exactly. I already told her yes before she decided all this. What irritates me is that she was being passive and manipulative about it. I feel like she already knew she didn't want to invite my sister to the wedding (money issue) but she played dumb with, "I want to invite her to these but do you think she should be invited to the wedding too?" And like I said, it was like she was doing me and my sister a favor by including her to the bridal shower/bachelorette parties...

I will be a newlywed when she gets married. I'm one of her bridesmaids. I would have to attend rehearsal but now I"m debating if I should go to dinner. My husband wouldn't be included. To them, its "reasonable" to not invite partners bc again, money issue, but i don't know... I was raised to follow etiquette and money wouldn't be an issue...you just make it happen. It doesn't mean you go bankrupt over it but it means you accommodate so they're included.

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Everyone has their own opinions I guess! I've been in two weddings, one cost $3,000 and the other $20,000. Both managed to include my SO in the rehearsal dinner.

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I was feeling everything you've said! haha yeah, I know of a bridezilla (who has always been a narcissist) who treated everyone like crap. The MOH had had it and when she threw her the bachelorette party, she bought herself and wore a "maid of honor" sash. That was probably some shade hahaha Interesting how weddings bring out the truth out of people

I haven't felt as close to my friend in recent years. The truth is we've grown apart. It's NOT an "i'm better than you" kinda thing. Hell no. It's more of a "I've learned so many things - good, bad, and ugly about things and myself and it seems you've gown backwards in life." My fiancé's cousin suggested that we go to Vegas for my bachelorette because she's "been stressed from work and needs a break from life" (YES, let's be in shock together haha) Anyhoo, i texted my friend frazzled and she said, "Oh Vegas! That sounds fun! When are we going?" WHAT?! Maybe it's just me but I would think that a friend and fellow bride would say, "It's your bachelorette party. You can do whatever you want and I will do what you ask us to" but nooooo, instead, she tried to convince me with why vegas would be fun, even though it's not what I wanted.

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Amen! Then that confirms my thoughts. Thank you for sharing! Wedding planning has gotten my head dizzy and my emotions like mush. I know I'm not alone in knowing that manners are still a thing! haha