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Master November 2022

Is “getting to marry your best friend” really all that matters??

Chrysta, on December 18, 2020 at 12:00 PM Posted in Planning 5 57

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I have seen a recurring statement here on WW over and over again.... “The only thing that matters is you get to marry your best friend”
This statement has become increasingly popular over the past 9 months as the pandemic has forced so many couples to cancel, postpone, or reimagine their weddings. If a post is about Covid related issues/disappointments with a wedding, you can pretty much bet somebody is going to offer up the “in the end, the only thing that matters is you get to marry your best friend” quip. But is that all that matters to you? Although I think that it’s a beautiful sentiment (and in its most basic form is true- obviously the end game for everyone having a wedding is to get married), I feel the statement can really devalue the importance of the actual wedding to many people. Sure, you can get married without having a wedding, but for so many people the wedding is an important way to celebrate with their loved ones one of the biggest days of their lives. So while for some people “getting to marry your best friend is all that matters” is true... for tons of others it’s not. And that’s ok! I feel like some people (myself included) have felt a sense of guilt reading that statement, especially during our current pandemic climate, when there are so many horrible things happening to people. So I would like to take this time to tell everyone who doesn’t feel as though just signing the marriage license is enough, you’re not selfish and you’re not alone! It’s OK to still want the wedding of your dreams! For those of you still holding on and planning that ideal celebration, feel free to share the details! What are you excited about?!

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57 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on December 22, 2020 at 3:38 PM

Champion July 2019
Veronica · on December 18, 2020 at 12:07 PM
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While we got married pre-Covid, I'm currently pregnant and my husband hasn't been able to attend anything with me and I've had people tell me at least you're having a healthy baby. While I am obviously beyond grateful that my pregnancy is going well, it is still hard experiencing all of these special moments without my husband. One moment that was especially difficult was that during my anatomy scan the tech accidentally told me the gender so my husband missed that moment of finding out the gender of our baby with me because he wasn't allowed to be there and the tech messed up. My heart truly goes out to all of those planning a wedding or having a baby (especially first time moms like myself) because you can never get those moments back.
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Expert September 2022
Allie · on December 18, 2020 at 12:07 PM
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Yes yes yes! This is so on point. Thank you so much for making this post! I appreciate you!
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Master August 2021
Jasmine · on December 18, 2020 at 12:19 PM
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I appreciate this post so much Chrysta! I've definitely had that same sentiment. My first marriage was courthouse (thank God ) and this time around I just really wanted a celebration. We were actually on the road to having that and things just blew up after covid. It'll still be a celebration just not as big as we had hoped. Most likely won't even be half. Because of covid, it's totally understandable but it still saddens me a little bit because of the few elder family members I really wanted to be there. If they show, great, if not, I'll be sure to send them photos and talk with them about it. It's all we'd really be able to do. Our guests have about 2-3 weeks left before the deadline so we'll see.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on December 18, 2020 at 12:20 PM
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I am so excited to get to have a mini vacation in New Orleans with my closest family and friends! I am excited to no longer be “dieting” - I am going to drink all the liquor and eat ALL the foods 😂
I am excited to see our flowers!! The inspiration pictures I sent our florist are gorgeous, but all planning has been done via email, so I cannot wait to see how the flowers actually turn out irl.
I am excited to see my mom with her make up done professionally (she’s so pretty but doesn’t realize it), and finally getting to put on my beautiful dress (which will hopefully be even more enjoyable if I actually drop this weight I’m trying to lose! LOL). I am SO excited for that excited anxious moment before I walk down the aisle and finally get to marry my hot fiancé! And of course I am excited to be surrounded by my closest family and friends- carefree, mask free, and able to hug one another!!
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Dedicated October 2021
Christina · on December 18, 2020 at 12:22 PM
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Yes! Thank you for naming this! It’s a beautiful sentiment for sure, but can also be invalidating. While FH and I obviously care about being married to each other, what we have always looked forward to the most in our wedding is being to have all our friends and family together for probably the only time ever. We both have moved so many times throughout our lives so being able to have all the people we’ve made meaningful connections with in one place is priceless to us and obviously something the pandemic did not allow for during our original date this past October. We’re hoping that by next October, we can make this dream a reality!
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Master January 2022
SLY · on December 18, 2020 at 12:27 PM
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Great forum topic Chrysta!! I for sure have been feeling guilty about being upset that certain things aren't going to plan.
One of our parties/showers was scheduled for January 2021, and we've decided to cancel it and move it to next fall. While it works out best for everyone, it kind of hurt my feelings when my FH and his family said "Well, at least it's just a party and not the actual wedding, ya'll will be fine". I understand where they're coming from, but I can't help but feel disappointed that we're having to cancel/postpone celebrations for us. I guess I'm jealous because all of our friends and his siblings got to have all of their showers and feel special. I've expressed to him that I feel like our engagement isn't important to them, which is silly because I know it is to a degree, and I also know that no one is as excited as you are when you get engaged and married lol.
It's just hard feeling so defeated and disappointed when people around you are basically telling you that your feelings aren't valid, and to just be happy that it's a party and not the wedding that's being postponed. I kind of want to tell them "That's easy for you to say because you already had your special moments..."
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VIP August 1997
Belle · on December 18, 2020 at 12:29 PM
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Many moms to be didn’t get that because of many things. With our 2nd baby my dh had to work, and I had to go alone. I wished he was there but I still don’t think it’s that important. I had to be alone in the birthing room with our 1st baby because we simply didn’t know that old Catholic Hospital (in SouthEast Asia) we went to didn’t allow husbands to be inside. I was 18, alone, it was a complicated birth, and I was scared to death. That moment traumatized me for years and I did regret and missed the presence of my dh. I think the first time seeing your first born is the happiest day of life, not wedding, not the second baby. It might be different from each person though.

Back to “At least you marry your best friend”. Many of my friends said to me that they don’t think their husbands are their soulmates nor their best friends. I am talking about friends who has been married for more than 1-2 decades. I think it takes a long time until you both went through many up and downs, had huge fights, went through the phase where you don’t love your spouse as much anymore, etc. Then you both know how strong is the bond between you and your spouse. It’s when you both decide you still want each other and no one else, despite everything she/he did to you. I call that true love. Not necessarily soulmate or best friends.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on December 18, 2020 at 12:31 PM
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My heart truly goes out to everyone experiencing a huge life event during this pandemic. While yes, it is a blessing you are having a healthy baby, it doesn’t mean you don’t still want the happy “normal” experience that’s so many pre-Covid moms got to have. I know friends are just trying to help when they offer up those clips, but I think it often times leads to feeling guilty or as though your feelings aren’t being valued. I hope the vaccine is successful and restrictions are lessened enough for your husband to be involved and at least part of your pregnancy experience!
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VIP August 1997
Belle · on December 18, 2020 at 12:36 PM
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Part 2 🤣 pushed the wrong button.

Having a wedding of your dream is a must! When it makes you happy, it will make you feel it’s the right start. I had a crappy elopement, and I regretted my crappy elopement for more than 2 decades! This makes me feel like, I don’t care what wedding I chose, how much money we splurge. I just want to get this right for once! It’s only a few hours, but I want that! I want to experience the excitement and the happy feeling in this lifetime. Go all out. It’s our hard earn money, no credit or borrowing. YOLO! 🤣
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on December 18, 2020 at 12:41 PM
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Yes!! For so many people it is one of few (if not the ONLY) times they get to have all their loved ones in one place. It’s such a special experience having all those people surrounding you and celebrating with you, and should not ever be devalued. I totally agree it is worth postponing until you can have this experience!!
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on December 18, 2020 at 12:46 PM
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I completely feel you on this. I always said I would never get married, so the fact that I am actually doing it is a HUGE deal. And I wanted to make sure we had an awesome celebration with all those closest to us. All of our guests were super excited. We put hours upon hours, and tons of hard-earned money, into planning the event of our dreams. Then, in a blink of an eye, it was all taken from us. It’s hard to not feel a sense of defeat and self-pity in these moments, and I don’t think any of us should feel guilty about that!
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Legend July 2022
Lisa · on December 18, 2020 at 12:47 PM
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This is a great topic!! It's definitely the most important thing (getting to marry your significant other), but I certainly don't think it's the only thing that matters! That's actually a big part of the reason my fiance and I postponed completely, instead of doing a small ceremony this year and a larger reception later. We had a vision for our day, and we want to celebrate with our friends and family on our actual wedding day, not just our reception day, so we felt it was best for us to just postpone. We've now got more time to fine tune the smaller details, switch out a couple vendors, and really make it a day that we're happy with. We're super excited to get to celebrate with everyone (mask and COVID free), and can't wait to see how everything turns out on our new date!
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Master January 2022
SLY · on December 18, 2020 at 12:50 PM
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Just realized I forgot to talk about what I'm excited for haha! 🙄😂
I'm excited to have all of our family and friends together in one place, especially when none of my FH's family or our friends have met my family! I'm ready to go dress shopping and feel beautiful, eat cake and dance my butt off haha! The food, dancing, gifts, all the details coming together...I'm just excited for it all really! It's been a long time coming (almost 7 years of dating), and I still can't believe that I'll be Mrs. Lewis!
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on December 18, 2020 at 12:51 PM
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Yes!!! I think a lot of us are feeling defeated and disappointed, and these comments from friends and family (although meant with the best of intentions) can cause us to feel invalidated, and guilty for wanting more rather than just being happy with the hand we’ve been dealt. I think it’s especially hurtful and invalidating coming from people who have already gotten to have their dream weddings and related events.
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on December 18, 2020 at 12:53 PM
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I agree 100% Chrysta. It's honestly so annoying to read/hear that sentence - "all that matters is that you're getting married! The marriage is what's important, not the wedding!". No...the marriage is about the marriage, but the wedding itself is about the wedding. If we didn't care about having a big wedding we would have eloped/gone to city hall to begin with, two years ago 🤷🏻‍♀️ but we did want a wedding, so we...planned one! That has since been postponed! I don't understand why people think this statement is some sort of consolation prize.

It's doubly ludicrous when coming from wedding planning websites, because the whole reason these companies are in business is because people have/care about weddings.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on December 18, 2020 at 12:56 PM
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“When it makes you happy, it makes you feel like its the right start” -I love this outlook! I had never thought of it before, but you are completely right! Starting the marriage off happy, excited, surrounded by love and loved ones, celebrating your butts off is definitely the way I want to start my marriage!! ❤️ Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Hearing from a real bride who has regretted for years not having her dream wedding is very inspiring to so many people contemplating giving up their dream weddings, or compromising on what they really want, or feeling guilty for still wanting it. I’m glad you haven’t been dissuaded from having your dream wedding- even if it’s two decades later!!
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on December 18, 2020 at 1:03 PM
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Yes!! I felt the exact same way! I would much rather postpone my wedding and get to experience it exactly the way we wanted at a later date. For some people, it was more important to get married on their original dates and have a reception with their loved ones later. We, however, felt as you did- that we wanted to celebrate with our loved ones on our actual wedding, not just a reception or vow renewal. It just wouldn’t have had the same sentiment- it would have just felt like a party to me. While I am sad you had to postpone, I am excited for you that you’re going to get to celebrate your wedding exactly the way you had envisioned it! It’s totally going to be worth the wait!!
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Dedicated October 2021
Corrin · on December 18, 2020 at 1:04 PM
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That comment always made me roll my eyes since you're allowed to care about more than one thing at a time.
Just because I want a nice celebration with all my friends and family together in one room (and am disappointed if that doesn't happen), doesn't mean I don't value the fact that I'm getting married to my significant other..
I feel like we should let people grieve things they can't have without assuming they don't care about the other important parts (or making them feel guilty for feeling sad)!
Love this post
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on December 18, 2020 at 1:09 PM
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I agree! Yes, marrying your spouse is obviously important. But you will be married for the rest of your lives. You have just that one day to have your wedding! It is a way for your family and friends to celebrate that union with you! It’s totally valid to be excited about that celebration, and disappointed when you have to postpone it. And no one should feel guilty for still wanting that celebration and not being satisfied with just signing the marriage license. I can’t wait to see all the BAMs once covid is under control and restrictions are listed. All these people that have had to postpone are going to go extra hard at their weddings!! LOL
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