Is combining the wedding shower and engagement party and having it a year before wedding too tacky or seen gift grabby?

I think that I would just call it one
probably so people don’t feel like maybe they might be being asked for or obligated to two gifts

But only if you’re worried

o think it’s awesome you’re trying to keep it convenient

Throwing any shower or engagement party for yourself is tacky and gift grabby, whether you do them together or separately.

View Quoted Comment I wouldn’t be the host, I just don’t want to add extra costs for my family\wedding party. My parents can’t host at their house since they live in Fl and my in-laws to be rent from us so they also live here.

View Quoted Comment Then who is hosting? In your original post you said “...we were thinking of having a party\shower...” That and the fact that you’re having it at your own house would imply that you’re hosting it. Did someone explicitly say to you “I/we would like to host an engagement party/wedding shower for you at your house?”

View Quoted Comment Hi Caytlyn, we as in my family, yes both parents have offered, his parents house is our house and my parents would be here as well. The question is not the location, it very normal at least around here to have the party at the couples home. The question was is having 1 combine party a year after the engagement and a year before the wedding out of place.
thank you

I would find it really odd, a bit eye roll worthy. Skip any sort of engagement party, if one is given (pretty uncommon today) it ought to be within about two months of the engagement. Showers are generally three or less months before the wedding.

Regardless of timing, these aren't parties you should be planning for yourself. If someone offers to host something, let them handle the responsibilities.

This is tough. I've never been to an engagement party. I thought they were an opportunity to bring both sides of the family to meet and greet the soon be couple. It feels a bit unnecessary to me, since it's over a year after actually getting engaged.

If the goal is to just have a party to get everyone together, maybe you can host a memorial day or fourth of July party for your family and your future inlaws.

I feel if it's an engagement party AND shower it doesn't quite make sense to me. Most showers are more intimate and usually only women, typically with little games and people starting at you open gifts and none of that seems appropriate at what my expectations are for an engagement party.

Also, as pp I feel like showers are a bit closer to the actual wedding. But I'm not sure what the etiquette is for that.

Https://www.bridalguide.com/planning/showers-parties/pre-wedding-parties?amp=1

Engagement party
When to do it: Soon after you get engaged—most ideally within three months—after all, that’s what the party’s all about. But you might want to wait until you’ve set a wedding date, says Bussen. “Everyone will ask when it is.”

Bridal shower
When to do it: Two to six months before the wedding is the ideal time, says Debi Lilly of A Perfect Event in Chicago. “Keep it spaced out from your wedding date.” That way, guests don’t feel like they’re going to so many wedding events right in a row.

To answer your question- yes I think it’s kind of tacky. For me I’m just not a huge fan of engagement parties in general. And also having your shower a whole year before your wedding just doesn’t sit well with me lol, what if your guest list changes and some gets invited to your show r but then you realize you don’t have room to invite them to the wedding ?

The combo doesn't really make much sense to me. Just do one or the other. I feel it is too long after your engagement already to have an engagement party so just do the shower.

Also, don't do the shower a year before your wedding. That is far too early and then definitely comes off as gift grabby.

You have a ton of time before your wedding so you shouldn't even have to worry about a shower right now.

I would just skip the engagement party, and have your shower in 2019.

We did not have an engagement party simply because we thought it was kind of silly and seems more unpopular these days. We saw our families separately for other events/thanksgiving. I would just call it your bridal shower and have a boy/girl shower instead of just an all female shower! That way both parents can come celebrate and any other family who could make it from Florida!

In your situation, I would just do an "I Do BBQ" type thing the summer before so you can get everyone together to celebrate.

I'm actually wondering the same! My fiance and I are planning a secret elopement for April 2020. We were tossing around the idea of having a combined Engagement Party/Bridal Shower the following month and announcing our union by playing the wedding video at the soiree. Prior to the party, we will inform everyone (probably on an individual basis) that we ARE NOT having a conventional wedding because we would much rather take the money that would be spent and put it towards a down payment on a home instead. It just makes more sense for us as a couple (we have family goals!). We are well aware that by tradition the couple does not host their own pre-wedding events, but it is the 21st century, we are paying for EVERYTHING ourselves, and we have extremely busy schedules, therefore, we don't have the time to wait around for others to plan. Lastly, neither of us particularly care for anyone's opinion on the wedding planning process (parents included, hence the SECRET elopement). Oh, and no one knows we're engaged yet; we're trying to play our cards right. This Poker Face is serious!