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Ashley
Dedicated October 2020

Is anyone else just mad?

Ashley, on September 27, 2020 at 10:29 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 49
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Is anyone just totally upset that half their family and friends aren’t coming to their wedding and you don’t feel like covid is a good reason anymore? Like I’m honestly fed up and I’m tired of everyone telling me that it’ll still be a good wedding. Like I’m sure it’ll still be good, but it doesn’t make me feel better knowing that people who should be there aren’t gonna be there and they didn’t even give me a reason.
Is anyone else dealing with this? And can anyone else offer me some encouraging words to help me deal with how mad I am about it?

49 Comments

Latest activity by Marissa, on October 4, 2020 at 8:13 AM
  • Eri
    Super October 2020
    Eri ·
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    Am I upset that I feel like we got robbed of our dream wedding day? Absolutely. You are allowed to, and should, grieve over your wedding looking different than you planned.

    But I am not mad at any guest that's not coming, and I certainly disagree that COVID doesn't qualify as a good reason to decline.

    I'm not sure what state you're in, but health concerns are still very valid for many people in the US, not to mention the other hardships that people are going through because of the pandemic.

    We took the decision over whether to attend or not off of some of our guests by scaling down our list from 130 to 35. A few people still declined, which we expected and fully understood regardless of the reason.

    We made other changes that we're not necessarily happy about (no DJ, no dancing), but are at peace with. But we're still optimistic. Honestly, as long as nothing catches on fire and no one gets sick, we'll be over the moon.

    You will still have a lovely day. I get that you're tired of hearing the reassurance, but so many people that have had weddings recently have said the day surpassed their expectations and that it was something that their guests truly enjoyed because we have all been so starved of togetherness for so long.

    How is your FS feeling?

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  • Minimalist Bride
    Master April 2021
    Minimalist Bride ·
    • Flag
    Not really. I was focusing on the pros: less guests meaning less money, stress, etc.
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    I think its normal to feel about the situation at hand. I was too, but I wasn't mad per se at my guests for not coming. I think i was more mad that none of us could control the reasoning. Yes, my feelings still hurt when people declined because of covid but I know neither them or I had a control over many of the declines.
    I did my best to make the guests that did come feel as comfortable as possible. Myself and now husband made the decision to continue with the wedding because we have other things we want ie have a family soon. But we wanted to be married first, so putting the wedding on hold was never an option for us.
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Alli ·
    • Flag
    Eri’s comment was nicely done... we spent an entire year planning an island wedding and had over 50 guests booked...the groom’s mother was given 3-6 months to live in January... so, when covid hit and the island closed; we grieved...we cried, we were so angry at the pandemic... weren’t sure if she would be around for our wedding one day. We had to change our outlook to optimistic versus feeling robbed... at this time, I searched venues in her state of NC and found our dream location. We planned it in 40 days and had the most magical day ever. Yes, we felt rushed and maybe shortcutted with a few details, but the wedding was intimate and a fairytale. Yes, some close friends and family could not make it or did not want to due to covid, but at the end of of the day, it was about us joining as one, not about anyone else. I hope everything works out for you on your day 💗
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  • Molly
    Devoted August 2021
    Molly ·
    • Flag

    I mean, IMO, Covid will be a valid excuse till a vaccine is implemented (and even after that because not everyone will get it right as it's approved).

    You are allowed to be upset because Covid sucks and it's ruining the day you have been planning for so long. However, if your guests found out about your viewpoint, they might call you a bridezilla. They also might believe that you want a big gift-giving party more than you want everyone to be happy and healthy (which might cause others to decline the invite).

    It will still be a beautiful day because at the end of the day it's all about you and your FS. Just grieve the loss of your original day and then celebrate the unique new way it will be.

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  • Ashley
    Dedicated October 2020
    Ashley ·
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    I know that covid is a good reason, but I just feel like it isn’t you know? Like I get it, but I’m wanting to be selfish. We actually already got married and it was a really mini version of it at my church and they Facebook lived it. It was nice! But this was suppose to be the party, the celebration, the giant get together. But the people that aren’t coming aren’t even giving me reasons, that’s part of it. These are people that I know aren’t scared of covid, but they didn’t offer any reason as to why they aren’t coming either
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  • Eri
    Super October 2020
    Eri ·
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    Ah, I gotcha! I get the COVID fatigue, and I'm sure essentially planning two events has not been the most stress-free experience.

    Not sure if you're a fan of FB groups, but there are a lot of national ones out there specifically dedicated to brides doing a "Wedding Part 1" and "Wedding Part 2" due to everything, and I'm part of one that offers really great advice -- but also an outlet to commiserate.

    We are *hoping* to do a WP2 in 2022 as our big reception/party, but honestly, I don't know if it'll happen.

    People are weird about RSVPing and deciding to attend or not attend weddings even in pre-COVID times, but I understand that it hurts. The few people that declined ours actually gave us bizarre reasons that didn't make sense -- I would've preferred if they either just stated that it was because of the pandemic, or didn't give us a reason at all. Less to dissect, lol!

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  • Ashley
    Dedicated October 2020
    Ashley ·
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    Maybe I should join one. My wedding is just 2 weeks away and I’ve put off the fine details and it’s really stressing me out. I want my guests to feel safe and comfortable, truly. And I understand the fear that covid could infect anyone and take any life at random. I would prefer the wedding part two happen a few years from now, but the venue didn’t seem like they were going to refund me and that was the most expensive part, so I was kinda forced into having it this year
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated October 2020
    Ashley ·
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    Mine food is being paid for by the caterer lol, so literally it’s costing me the same exact amount of money which is nothing to sneeze at! But I could definitely see that being a pro for some other brides. That made me feel better
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  • Eri
    Super October 2020
    Eri ·
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    Ooh are you 10/10 for the big party by chance? I feel so bad for brides with weddings originally scheduled earlier in the year; there was less time to adjust things and it seems like many venues offered little wiggle room for postponements.

    Part of our reasoning for still proceeding with an event was because we were so financially tied to it, so I completely understand.

    I've got a ton of details left to finish myself, which is normally not like me; I started booking things 2+ years out but just lost all motivation to plan in March.

    Now I'm stuck trying to sand wood slabs for our centerpieces, finish putting together our favors, get all our signage figured out and printed, write a love letter to my FH, and finalize our dinner playlist -- on top of all the extra COVID precautions (e.g., providing masks and hand sanitizer for each guest). Then I woke up this morning and suddenly started panicking over shirt colors for the guys. It's always something!

    The details can be stressful, but just make a list and tackle one thing at a time! Smiley heart

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  • Jai Butcher
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai Butcher Online ·
    • Flag
    I can relate! We still got married may 16 2020. Had an intimate outdoor garden ceremony with 7 people and reception at our apartment. Originally was supposed to be 92 people at a venue. My hubby parents didnt come because of covid, but they could move from NJ to PA during a pandemic, go shopping for their home decor, and allow contractors into their home. So we gave up and said that ship has sailed. But decided to go through with our ceremony because A) cheaper, B)less stress, and C) who knows when covid will be gone or a vaccine out. We had quite a few unsupportive family members and they vocalized how they felt because we still went on with our wedding and our response was "we wont let a pandemic stop us from getting married, we may have to change our wedding plans but that's fine". There are no regrets. So keep your head up and do what makes you happy
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  • Ashley
    Dedicated October 2020
    Ashley ·
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    A list would be such a good idea! Oh and on top of all this crap! I moved to a different state with my husband (bc we got married anyway) and started a new job that’s full time and planning a wedding in a different state while also adjusting to living with your husband and living a regular life with covid flare, is just too much sometimes!
    I had a part time job before the original wedding date and quit a month in advance of the wedding to plan for it and be fully dedicated to it. And that last month before the wedding happened, covid happened. So I had a month off to essential pack my apartment before I moved....
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  • Samantha
    Devoted September 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I wasn’t mad that people didn’t come but I was highly upset at the people who RSVP’d and decided last minute not to show even tho they RSVP’d late.
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated October 2020
    Ashley ·
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    That sucks!! And that’s probably what makes planning a wedding so hard during covid. Not only do you have half of your loved one not coming, but you will still have people no show up bc of whatever reason they came up with even though they said they would come.
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated October 2020
    Ashley ·
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    This is an encouraging story, I mean the family issue suck obviously, but like you still got married! And so did we, but the celebration or part 2 is what I’m stressing about lol. And maybe it seems to suck so much bc I don’t get to look forward to spending the rest of my life with my husband bc he is already my husband now lol


    Sorry your family sucks even more than mine.
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  • Jai Butcher
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai Butcher Online ·
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    It's alright! I'm happy with my parents and husband
    . All that extra stress I dont need lol. You got this!
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  • Ashley
    Dedicated October 2020
    Ashley ·
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    You got this too! I had a good cry about it all and I’m feeling so much better lol, I love how crying does that
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  • Jai Butcher
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai Butcher Online ·
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    That really does help!
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  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I mean, I wish my family hadn't come because of a good reason. They didn't come because they decided they didn't like the invitation wording.

    I'm sorry COVID is messing with your wedding, but... honestly... I can't think of a *better* reason for them not to come. Them not coming sucks. But spreading a deadly illness is worse.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    You are upset people did not give you reasons? ... Are you aware that standard good manners, usual etiquette, is NOT to give a reason? Your wedding is not a job. No one owes you or any host an explanation for simply declining. And you are not in some superior position over others, to expect people to change that standard. Good manners for a host is to assume that their friends and relatives have good reasons for choices they make, how to conduct their own lives, and do not have to share any personal information to justify themselves. You should be expecting no explanations. Given how badly some people have been hurt, financially and psychologically, who are you to judge what is "enough" to miss a party, and as you are already married, that is what it is. An important party, but a party. ... We have been to several weddings this spring and summer, but local ones 5-7 hours including driving time. And only the person or people closest to the couple. But for the so far 7 we have declined, pared down parties with minimal health risk, we let people know within days of receiving the invitation, we will not be able to attend. And we sent far smaller gifts that we usually would except for 1 niece and 1 nephew getting the same we would ever give. ... And as is usual etiquette, did NOT send any letter of explanation, or make any extended apology. Nothing to say, since my husband is a principal in his small engineering company, without support staff he is working 65 hours a week not the usual 50, and not only receiving no more money, but has taken a 20% pay cut. And I have had to cut 25 hours of PTwork to take care not only of 5 kids of ours ordinarily in school. But 3 nieces whose mom is sole income for her family, in a necessary job, with no school or day care. And 3 elderly relatives who ordinarily have health aides, 3 hours or more a day, have moved in with us, to the in law apt we used to rent, since all aides know have kids at home. The only way we could manage, without putting them in nursing homes, was bringing them here. But with help from our 10, 12 and 14 year old I have been able to keep up the farm work, we planted more acreage than ever before. But, sorry to say, If I get 10 hours free and so does hubby, your wedding is not priority enough to drive 80 miles, for a 10 hour day, during which we would have to pay $25 an hour, $275 for a babysitter. We would spend that time keeping our heads above water here. Actually, pumping water in to crops, since there is a severe drought, but that is another story. And preparing lesson plans and going over schoolwork, for 8 kids, 6-14, each of whom has a teacher who seems to think each child has their own computer, and a full time parent. But that is another story. ........... Tell me, Ashley, would ot really be better if everyone told you exactly why the cannot come to your party? How many tales of we are barely getting by financially, our 4 elderly householder need care, and so do our kids, and we need schools, do you really want to read? ... Do you want to hear about people taking care of kids , relatives, while both parents have Covid in their local hospitals? People adding 3 hours of cooking and delivering meals a day to their schedule, who would rather sit down and put their feet up, and pay the bills, while your party is going on? You are just so sick of Covid excuses, and less guests for your party. Gee, all those people, at least half must not have good enough excuses, which they ought to have to explain in detail so you can pass judgement. Un huh. Keep repeating to yourself: My wedding is very important, more important that all should celebrate with us no matter what is going on on the real world. Personally, I hope you do have at least 30-40, and do have a wonderful time. But a pity party over people who do not come, and do not run their explanations by you to make sure their reasons are good enough, is a waste of time. And depressing. And besides, 2 dozen muffins for breakfast are ready to come out of the o en. Farm chores start at 5:30 am, while the youngest and the old ones are still sleeping.
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