Irked by the Miss to Mrs Box “sweating for the wedding”

Lol wow so first post ever and somehow I deleted the main point I had- it seems like the very moment I have this “it is what it is,” it will still be a special day moment of acceptance I get this stupid box in the mail making me feel like no that’s not okay

I definitely see it both ways.

On the one hand, I think for many people, having a milestone to work towards can be the catalyst they need to do something about their health that they've put off for longer than they've meant to - especially if that milestone involves loads of photos which you'll keep forever! So, if that reasoning helps motivate them to do something they've wanted to do for a long time, then that's great.

On the other hand, your partner loves you how you are NOW, which is why they asked you to marry them (or accepted your proposal)and it's so important to remember that 'pretty' or 'thin' is not the price we should have to pay to exist in the world, to be valued, to be loved, to be worthy of respect.

I dont think this is wedding culture, women always want to slim down to fit in a dress or something

I totally agree. There is a strong message in wedding culture to lose weight. Women hear it all the time in general, but within the wedding world, it's absolutely glorified. I've even seen posts within this space where people have been lauded for losing weight (which can certainly be a very good thing) however excessive praising can also create a lot of issues. Being healthy is good. But healthy can look a lot of different ways. And it's important to not dislike the you that you see in the mirror.

I definitely agree with Rosie that people see it as a moment that will live forever in pictures, and that is a large motivator. But I definitely agree with you that the messaging is so strong to all brides of every type. It's never actually about being healthy. It's only about getting skinny for the wedding. And it's extremely toxic, especially if you're been working towards loving yourself.

I too have put on some weight in the last couple of years, and have been working on accepting this as a good version of myself. Sure, I may try to improve my habits leading up to the wedding, but that's also part of getting out of this pandemic. Just trying to be intentional with loving my body in ways that support it and my health. But also being okay if I don't lose any weight, as weight loss isn't the true goal.

If I got that box, I too would have been upset. That is 100% not the message to send to women. Or anyone. Reinforcing the expectation of being skinny is a huge problem in general, but it seems to be particularly celebrated within the wedding-sphere. I'm sorry you got to experience that, especially as the last box. Talk about ripping the joy out of it.

I agree with the notion that losing weight as a bride should not be and is definitely not required - but the box probably included such a theme because a lot of ladies DO want to lose weight, for various reasons like others have said.


Personally I think a lot of peoples’ motivation (and mine) is that they want to look and feel their absolute best on a day that will be heavily photographed and where those photos will (ideally) be cherished for the rest of their lives, and shown to grand children and so on. It’s a huge motivation, especially when you are spending a large amount of money essentially staging this elaborate photo shoot. Again though, of course absolutely not required! Everyone is free to do their own version of whatever they want, and losing weight is not mandatory at all.
I am sorry people in your life have commented about your weight though. That is incredibly rude of them - no one else’s body is their business! Try not to let it get to you. I am sure you will look fabulous on your wedding day regardless!

There is a strong culture of losing weight before a wedding. It's engrained in our heads and it's exhausting at times.

But also I can see how a big goal or event like a wedding can start someone's healthy weight loss journey. You have a goal in mind and it's easier for some people to use that as a way to try to lose weight.

I am sorry you encounter so many rude comments from others. It's wrong.